C
cmarieh
Guest
“Your dreams will never come true” are the thoughts that crossed my mind every single day for the last month. I tried keeping the strength and reminding myself of what God has promised me and everytime without fail, the enemy struck me in some form or another. It got to the point where I was wanting to give up and let him win because I was so tired of fighting and feeling like I was a failure at everything I was doing. I finally had a weekend to relax and enjoy doing what I like to do which was clean. I washed my bedding earlier that day and was making my bed before calling it a night and dropped a dryer sheet so I bent over to pick it up and on my way back up I whacked my head on my wooden window frame, splitting it open. Luckily, there wasn’t a lot of blood, but was in excruciating pain and ended up in the ER the following evening where I was formally diagnosed with a severe concussion and tried going to my classes only to get sent home. I saw a specialist who put me on bed rest all that weekend and no schoolwork which got me behind. I just started getting my bearings back and took an accounting exam, had an appointment, and ran a couple errands before meeting my friend so we can carpool to another campus for a class and as I tried getting into my car I hit my head….again. Only this time it made the symptoms worse and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I emailed my instructor and told him that I wouldn’t be able to take a test the next day as I had promised him and explained why. He sent a harsh response stating that I need to stop hitting my head and take care of myself because I could have passed out, only to be found unresponsive. As I laid on my bed, I started crying because he was right. The headaches would not go away no matter how hard I tried. I had to take a prescription I had for pain just to make it through the day, something I don’t like to do. I begged and pleaded with God of why he was putting me through this. I found myself getting emotional over the silliest things, not eating, had holes in my memory, and pushing people away because I was scared of the unknown.
I don’t know why I have been going through this, but God can and will use this for his glory. I have my good days and bad days and was listening to a song the other day that touched my heart and the lyrics were so powerful. “Sometimes life comes at you hard and it’s easy to let it drag you down” “It’s a struggle, it’s a test” After the song, I prayed and asked God “what am I supposed to take from this?” He responded, “Patience, trust me and I will give you what you desire most” I felt so guilty blaming God, but I know that God is my strength and without him, I am nothing. Right now, I am peaceful as I know God is by my side no matter what and helping me take each day one step at a time and allow a renewed sense of hope and peace to fill me up as I start the day. No matter what the test results show, I am and will always be who God created me to be and nothing can ever change that.
