"God Told ME to Marry You!" "Oh Yeah? Well God Told ME to Run!!!"

[BrotherMike]

I’ve always believed there are multiple “the ones” who could be right for you. Choose wisely and make sure you both are equally yoked and have peace from the Holy Spirit.

 

[1christian1]

We've had many discussions here in Singles over the years about whether or not God makes "ONE" ultimate person for you or if there are a number of possible candidates...

One of the most profound posts I ever read about this topic was someone who pointed out that if God does indeed make ONE person just and only for you, what happens if that one person dies in childhood? Or marries someone else before you meet them?

Does that mean you're destined to be alone forever because your ONE person is no longer living or available? I know some people might say that if God has made that person just for you, He will preserve them until you are able to meet them. Maybe. I'm certainly not trying to say that God can't work that way.

I've never believed that God made some magical person for everyone, but that's just me. It's one of the many things I'll want to ask about when we get the chance someday, even though it will no longer be relevant to our heavenly lives.

Right. If one certain person is meant for you and he or she marries another? how or why would that happen? lol...

 

[SoulWeaver]

Hey Everyone,

Ben's thoughtful thread (https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/to-those-of-you-dating.192915/), along well as some chat friends, have me thinking about a series of circumstances/questions I've been wanting to ask for quite some time.

In his thread, Ben points out the virtues of just waiting on the Lord to reveal and send your spouse to you rather than actively dating. Several people have then asked, "But how do you know when God is telling you that this is the right person?"

I have often wondered this myself. Now, I have no doubt that there are couples in which God brought them together and somehow let them both know that He would like for them to get married. BUT, I have known many, many more couples who either didn't receive that "direct" word, sign, or affirmation from God and just made the choice to marry anyway (some worked out fine, some didn't,) or, many, many other couples who "thought" that God was telling them to get married, but the marriages were disastrous (abuse, addiction, adultery) and often resulted in divorce.

What do you all think?

* How will God let someone know they are to marry a person, and what if that person's life is full of red flags? Would you go ahead and marry them anyway, believing you were obeying God, and trusting Him to work it out? (The people I've known who have done this wound up in horrible situations.)

* What if God doesn't give you some ultimate divine sign or affirmation to marry a certain person? Would you feel comfortable making the choice on your own?

* Sam is telling Sally, "GOD TOLD ME you are the one for me... WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED." But Sally has absolutely no interest in Sam romantically.

Is this really God? Would God tell ONE person that they were supposed to get married, but NOT the other? I've been in this situation myself (with someone telling me they believed God was giving him signs that we were supposed to get married,) and to be honest, it didn't feel like God -- it felt like outright emotional and spiritual manipulation (I think the young folks these days call it "gaslighting.")

Would God really tell someone to tell you that you're supposed to marry them instead of telling you Himself?

* Bill is in a relationship with Bonnie, but Betty is convinced that God is telling her that she and Bill are meant to marry instead, and so she tells Bill this. Bill breaks up with Bonnie, then proceeds to court and marry Betty, all the while citing that he is "following the Lord."

I actually heard a Christian speaker and his wife tell this exact story (it was so long ago, I don't remember their names.) They had met in college, and the man was in a relationship with another girl. The woman who became his wife believed she was meant to be with him and not this other girl, so he said he prayed about it, and believed God wanted him to break up with his current girlfriend in order to be with this new girl, whom he eventually married.

I have always wondered if this was really God. After all, God would not tell a married person to divorce their spouse for someone else (though I've heard of some Christians claiming this,) so would He really break up an existing relationship in order to direct a person to marry someone else?

I'm not saying at all that God CAN'T do any of this. But I do have to wonder how many times it's really God speaking, and not just someone's own deceitful heart.

What have YOUR experiences been, and what are your thoughts about discerning when something is "really from God"?

I will apologize in advance for a long post.
Long ago, I broke up an engagement with a person who professed Christianity but was actually a God hater. He twisted Scriptures, gaslighted me constantly, and was only about getting what he wanted. There was no love of God in this guy. It was so hard to see at the time, considering I was still a babe then. I was fooling myself because it was so incredible to me that someone would be committed to marry, yet still really only love themselves. But this is very possible. This is why we have to test the spirit.

You know when a relationship is aligned with God by God standing between the two, and God being the one who is connecting them, because after all, God is love. God dismantles all confusion. When you ask yourself, "is this the right person?", God is supposed to be the one gluing the two together. This means, that both put God first at all times and that they're loving one another above self, including readiness to give this person up to God (while still dating, not after getting married of course) if God has different plans. Obviously, no one will ever be perfect because we all stumble at times. But this is the discerning point and sharp two edged sword:

1 Cor 13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

These are the red flags I believe matter. I believe that if both can truly pass that "test", then really God stands between them. His love is true love and lasting love, regardless of the degree of romance or current degree of infatuation. But if this is not true, then there may be personal wishes, tenderness and affections between the two, but not actually love of God. I hope this helps someone and brings clarity.

I don't think God expects anyone to marry a person they aren't attracted to, although it might work out for some people. A person who is God's servant for real will honor your freedom of choice. People with deceitful hearts don't rejoice in the truth and seek their own, so Scripture twisting bullies fail the test when God's Word is applied. If something smells wrong, looks wrong, sounds wrong, even though you can't explain it yet, it most likely is wrong. Never let someone box you in with their "arguments", if your conscience isn't rejoicing in something.

I was blessed to have a dream as confirmation. I had a dream while we were still friends, but I didn't understand it. I thought the dream was related to church because I was in a white dress in it and traveling the world as God's servant. I thought it was about spreading the Gospel and stuff. And there were numbers in the dream. I realized a few months after the fact, that the numbers in the dream were the month day and hour when we made marriage promises. We got married in real life later and I did travel the world by immigration.

There were other confirmations but no need to get into all... Because that's not how we knew. It is by the Word of God and presence of His Spirit that we got God's input. I don't want to go into all the hurdles here, but it took us almost 10 years alone on different continents to complete the immigration process and finally be together. That's some of our best years that melted away. Nobody understood the degree of commitment and sanctity of our relationship until the end. But most people won't have to struggle like that. So the point I am getting at is, extra confirmations when we make life choices are either given by God's graciousness, because He does rejoice when we seek His input, or - more often, imo - He does this for us to get a grip, because the ride will be rough. God not speaking up with specific guidance on a matter doesn't have to be a bad thing at all... just saying!

I believe it is impossible to know exactly about whether someone else was led by God or not (divorce is not encouraged but still a gray area), unless there is something definitely sinful that comes out, like sexual immorality, then it is certain that it isn't of God. I would agree that it is not likely that "Bill" was following God, but there might be something that we don't know, first wife might have cheated, etc. (Not to say that certain people don't pretzel God for their own pleasures and claim they "follow the Lord", I would just be slow with judgment as I don't know enough details.)

 

[BenFTW]

Well said! It is liberating to me. That God does not pick out your mate and tell you they are THE ONE. It puts the emphasis on our responsibility to choose wisely. And after we have chosen and entered into a covenant before God it requires us to see it through to death do us part. No making excuses "I misunderstood what God said" nonsense. God is not making you marry, He is not picking out your mate for you, but He is definitely holding you to your covenant vows. You make your bed and you lie in it. No weaseling out later by saying "they were not the One" They became THE ONE when you made the vows. They are not second best, they are not the one you settled for, they are the ONE because you vowed.

I don’t often mark a post with a disagreement but I strongly disagree with your line of reasoning here.

You’re relieved that such a lack of belief, in God choosing a spouse, puts the emphasis on personal responsibility. I would argue, personal responsibility comes into play when you trust who God picks and are honored to be the person God has chosen for that person. You pursue them in light of God’s will and yes, it is a fulfilling of your desires; desires God grants for the righteous.

I think there is the premise of the one, of destiny. It’s just there also is “destiny now.” What is destiny but that which God speaks and orchestrates? So, if God grants the desires of the righteous, and their desires are His plans, cannot God provide a spouse?

Maybe you’d be open to the idea of a God provided spouse, not based in an idea of someone for everyone, but God provides? You pray, He hears the desires of your heart, and in His goodness destiny has been set in motion.

However you wish to define it, God is in the picture in His sovereignty.

It seems destiny requires being walked into. That’s where personal responsibility comes into play. No one makes you get up in the morning. You choose daily to live. You make actions every day, hopefully in light of God’s will. It is that surrender to His will and waiting upon Him, that leads to His providence in your life. His providence of your spouse. You walking into destiny and purpose.

All of this to say, God provides.

 

[Scribe]

I don’t often mark a post with a disagreement but I strongly disagree with your line of reasoning here.

You’re relieved that such a lack of belief, in God choosing a spouse, puts the emphasis on personal responsibility. I would argue, personal responsibility comes into play when you trust who God picks and are honored to be the person God has chosen for that person. You pursue them in light of God’s will and yes, it is a fulfilling of your desires; desires God grants for the righteous.

I think there is the premise of the one, of destiny. It’s just there also is “destiny now.” What is destiny but that which God speaks and orchestrates? So, if God grants the desires of the righteous, and their desires are His plans, cannot God provide a spouse?

Maybe you’d be open to the idea of a God provided spouse, not based in an idea of someone for everyone, but God provides? You pray, He hears the desires of your heart, and in His goodness destiny has been set in motion.

However you wish to define it, God is in the picture in His sovereignty.

It seems destiny requires being walked into. That’s where personal responsibility comes into play. No one makes you get up in the morning. You choose daily to live. You make actions every day, hopefully in light of God’s will. It is that surrender to His will and waiting upon Him, that leads to His providence in your life. His providence of your spouse. You walking into destiny and purpose.

All of this to say, God provides.

If she screams at the waitress for getting her order wrong she is not your destiny. So yes, you get to make that choice. If you ignore these red flags and marry anyway you will have a living hell and it will all be your own fault not God's.

 

[Lanolin]

sorry I dont know who 'the ONE' is when it could be YOU are the ONE. cos if you met someone then you wouldnt be ONE you would add up to make TWO isnt that how maths works?

 

[Lanolin]

A of people say 'the one' but Im sure its a typo and they actually mean SOMEONE. ANYONE.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Several people have then asked, "But how do you know when God is telling you that this is the right person?"

I believe anyone can make any relationship work with anyone. As long as there is good communication, initial attraction and good prospects from both sides, then go right ahead, there are exceptions to the rule. Like starting a relationship someone too old or young. Race doesnt matter, but faith does, but there are also exceptions to this, like if two people got together and one becomes a Muslim over time would you split up with them?, I suppose it depends on how change and the effect they will put on the children.