My urgent plea to you is to receive the Lord Jesus Christ now. Right now this very moment without delay. Worry about the rest later.I have thus far enjoyed my time on this forum and it's been a real Eye Opener as to how others think. Being profoundly deaf with minimal physical mobility it's been a good way to pass time.
For those feeling forlorn and despondent, remember poor Jeremiah. He really was having his doubts after all that he had been through...
https://biblehub.com/jeremiah/20-7.htm
Jer 20:7
O LORD, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all the day; everyone mocks me.