How many places do you feel you can be really honest?
By honest, I mean 100 percent raw. Totally transparent.
I can be honest with people, but I usually sum things up and skip over details -- like I'm about to do here.
I can't think of a person who I would feel comfortable being "100 percent" with.
I'm thinking about this in the context of grief and painful life experiences.
I don't know about you, but when I talk about something painful, it can be hard to fully express the depth of the pain and sorrow, etc.
But glossing over things leaves me feeling unsatisfied -- I have a desire for someone to understand and grieve with me genuinely.
You know what I mean?
I guess that's part of why the Bible says to weep with those who weep -- the one weeping needs to know someone's heart aches for their heartache.
Grieving with someone is part of being a solid human.
On the grief issue, I've been thinking about my dad today.
I still haven't fully expressed all I went through when he died.
I truly almost couldn't stand the pain in my heart -- it was something like a knife in the heart and having a piece cut out all at the same time.
It wasn't just the fact that he died, but the surrounding circumstances as well.
I felt nauseous with pain and for a while had trouble sleeping.
I'd wake up sometimes around that time of morning that he died, jolted out of sleep by anxiety, afraid that I was about to die like he did.
Anything feels possible after you go through a trauma, so you're always on edge, even if you can push that feeling to the back of your heart. That was my experience, anyway.
These days I'm starting to get into the actual sadness of grief, the normal grief, because the tormenting thoughts have waned.
I hope you have somewhere you can be "100 percent" raw. Even anonymously. Even if you can't be fully honest but can get something out, it helps.
I will add that this grief went on top of other issues/grief I was already dealing with, so it feels compounded. I've also had some pretty depressed days and have been trying to comfort myself in ways that I shouldn't.
It can be hard for me to pray in these times, but it's super important to talk to God because He wants to help.
Just last night a friend took me to a healing service, which helped. I still hurt -- a lot -- but I hang onto the fact that God has brought breakthroughs before and can do it again.
Blessings to you.
---
About casting cares:
“Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
I Peter 5:5-11 NKJV
By honest, I mean 100 percent raw. Totally transparent.
I can be honest with people, but I usually sum things up and skip over details -- like I'm about to do here.
I can't think of a person who I would feel comfortable being "100 percent" with.
I'm thinking about this in the context of grief and painful life experiences.
I don't know about you, but when I talk about something painful, it can be hard to fully express the depth of the pain and sorrow, etc.
But glossing over things leaves me feeling unsatisfied -- I have a desire for someone to understand and grieve with me genuinely.
You know what I mean?
I guess that's part of why the Bible says to weep with those who weep -- the one weeping needs to know someone's heart aches for their heartache.
Grieving with someone is part of being a solid human.
On the grief issue, I've been thinking about my dad today.
I still haven't fully expressed all I went through when he died.
I truly almost couldn't stand the pain in my heart -- it was something like a knife in the heart and having a piece cut out all at the same time.
It wasn't just the fact that he died, but the surrounding circumstances as well.
I felt nauseous with pain and for a while had trouble sleeping.
I'd wake up sometimes around that time of morning that he died, jolted out of sleep by anxiety, afraid that I was about to die like he did.
Anything feels possible after you go through a trauma, so you're always on edge, even if you can push that feeling to the back of your heart. That was my experience, anyway.
These days I'm starting to get into the actual sadness of grief, the normal grief, because the tormenting thoughts have waned.
I hope you have somewhere you can be "100 percent" raw. Even anonymously. Even if you can't be fully honest but can get something out, it helps.
I will add that this grief went on top of other issues/grief I was already dealing with, so it feels compounded. I've also had some pretty depressed days and have been trying to comfort myself in ways that I shouldn't.
It can be hard for me to pray in these times, but it's super important to talk to God because He wants to help.
Just last night a friend took me to a healing service, which helped. I still hurt -- a lot -- but I hang onto the fact that God has brought breakthroughs before and can do it again.
Blessings to you.
---
About casting cares:
“Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
I Peter 5:5-11 NKJV