Guys and Girls as FRIENDS

[Ugly]

Well, that sucks. lol But thanks so much! You're too sweet. This is pretty much the main reason for wanting to be friends with someone before dating. haha Gotta watch out for the creepers.
However, this question really wasn't for the dating aspect....it's really for the friendship factor. I don't have many friends right now and two of my closest friends are about to move out of state. It's hard to be friends with a single parent, I understand this. Big reason why I came on here was to make some friends. Fellowship with fellow believers is SO important. I felt selfish at first for feeling the need for friends but...I think that's the way God designs some of us. ^_^
Anyway, thank you all for your comments. I guess any friendships I have will just have to be lifted up to the Lord in prayer.

I come on for friends too.. we're often in the chats at the same time, so feel free to say hi, or PM me or whatever. I may be ugly but i'm still nice... usually.

 

[niceguyJ]

It's possible, but it seems like 9 times out of 10 one or the other is going to develop some kind of feelings or "what if we were more than friends" kind of thoughts at some point. It could be on a small level, or a very intense level.
I think the most important thing, as with most any friendship or any kind of relationship, is honestly. Don't dance around the subject of defining lines or stating what you're open to or not open to. I think it's better to voice it early on than one person letting those feelings build and build and build then it spills out and completely shocks the other person. If you're both honest and communicate well, you can work through an awkward time of one wanting more and the other not wanting more and remain friends. That is possible.

 

[BlueAngel]

Just thought I'd let it be known, and possibly help this situation...
My boyfriend and I were friends since I was 8... so that was...8 years ago that I met him.
He went from a friend to the big brother I never had, in a couple years. He got a girlfriend, I got a boyfriend. Both of us broke up with our exes last year. Since we were already friends, I helped him through his heartbreak, and he helped me through mine. We finally, this year, figured out that we liked each other a lot, so now, we're together.
I think it's a really good idea for two people to just be friends for a while, and then, maybe, think about the next step.
Not only does that mean, you know each other better... but there's also the trust, and the respect that comes with being friends, grows stronger when your relationship gets bigger.
That's just my two cents worth.

 

[Stratocaster]

I've sometimes wrestled with the question of whether or not a guy and a girl can be just platonic friends. I've kind of gone back-and-forth with the issue.

I have some girls who I see as just friends, and they see me as just a friend. They are quite attractive, but I just don't have a desire to do anything romantic with them.

A couple years ago, my two best friends were both female. But they secretly both had crushes on me and were devastated when I started dating someone else. It messed up our friendship.

On one hand, if you have a platonic connection with someone, it shouldn't matter what gender they are.

On the other hand though, when you're married you really shouldn't hang out one-on-one with members of the opposite sex. It looks bad and it kind of ruins to sanctity of the marriage. Your spouse should be your only real friend of the opposite sex; not that you can't have associate with any others after that. Your friends of the opposite sex should be other couples, together. The whole guy-girl friendship is essentially for the sake of finding your significant other.

When it comes down to it, even when you're just dating/courting someone, who likes it when the other person goes and hangs out with a member of the opposite sex? Some people say they're okay with it, but it still bugs you a little bit. And if they're hanging out with someone like that, what is to stop them from hanging out with that same person over and over? Even more than they hang out with you? That would probably bother anyone more than just a little. That could be an indicator that it's not good.

Any thoughts?

 

[TheFilmBuzzer88]

I believe it is possible. As us guys do get older we do want to settle down and seek out that one we want to be with. However, that sometimes means blocking out anyone who wants to be "just friends" (the dreaded two words we aren't in favor of hearing). I do have some friends who are girls and all them I do not have intentions of dating, because I just don't see them that way. Platonic relationships yes can work for a period of time and thus might grow into something more if that is wanted by both people.

 

[jandian]

It is possible.....the thing is we get all scared about questioning feelings. If you are open to a relationship, you would probably have a good friend who might cause you to look twice....But if you honest with eachother, then you can lay your feelings on the table and prayerfully define whats really going on......Real friends survive it

 

[Sevndust]

RELIGION ASIDE, WHEN THERE'S A MUTUAL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT IT DOES MAKE THINGS RATHER DIFFICULT B/C WE'RE SIMPLY HUMAN BEINGS. I'M NOT SUGGESTING YOU SHOULD EVER PUT RELIGION ASIDE BY SAYING THIS...JUST MAKING REAL TALK HERE. NOW HAVING SAID THIS, I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY 2 PPL WHO SHARE AN ATTRACTION TO DO SO WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN INTIMACY. UNFORTUNATELY SOME OF US CAN'T BE NEGOTIATED WITH...SOME OF US WANT EITHER THE WHOLE LOAF OR NONE.

 

[Jilly81]

I find that it actually helps to find friends on the net rather than real life (as you said, watching out for the creepers, which is much easier on this site than most ), because you can omit the photo of yourself and see who will want to be buddies anyway (which was one reason why I left my avatar blank ). It's worked well. I don't worry whether a guy only wants to talk to me because he likes the way I look, and if I want to take away his curiousity (though so far, I only have once, after chatting with him almost daily for about 4 months), I can send him a photo of myself .

 

[JesusFreakAri]

lol lol.....and hiyaaaaa everyone its funny that someone brought up this topic, because growing up i dont know but always had more guy friends than girl friends...no im not a tom-boy but just happened to hang morewith and trust more my guys friends....... buttt the problem was that some of them always ended up liking or 'according to them' falling in love with me so eventually the friendship faded... (im not starting with "yes its Possible" llol) but most definitely it happens where "no strings attached" true friendships exist between a guy and a girl

 

[JesusFreakAri]

wow i totally agree!! nothing to add nothing to take away

 

[Matthew]

And I'm not saying that I would never want a friendship to progress to the next level....I'm just saying I'd want it to be mutual and I'd want it to be further on in the friendship.

Well some say an open door is an invitation.....
I get what you mean, it is a great uniter of men and women alike, the desire to have a best friend become a marriage partner.

There is a balance to be found, if you meet a guy you want as a friend then take a step and consider if he is one you can see going further with in the future, if you open up to that thought you may be able to see the evolution coming, and maybe it will come out better than it has before.

If you want his friendship but cannot see that spark of potential then speak it clear so the if that guy is thinking different about you he can consider his own ability to enter a friendship with the line already drawn.

It's not easy, we cannot know our hearts of tomorrow.
I can't too well speak to this issue, I probably haven't helped.

 

[Catlynn]

Well, I agree Matthew. It is difficult because who knows how they will feel in the future? I have such a hard time with not knowing the future but having to make decisions now. lol I've decided that guy friends, in Christ, are awesome. But that I have to guard my heart and be careful to help guard their hearts as well. It's so easy, especially when you're anxiously awaiting a spouse, to develop romantic feelings quickly in a friendship if you aren't guarding your heart. Always bring everything before God and make Him the center of every kind of relationship and I think it'll all just work itself out.

 

[Matthew]

It is difficult because who knows how they will feel in the future? I have such a hard time with not knowing the future but having to make decisions now.

I think we've been set up to fail
Yet experience be the finest teacher, and no mistakes = no experience, though I could do without the companion confusion.

I think you've got it as worked out as anyone can, be careful, try your best, and then hope you don't end up with a big akward mess....best of luck

 

[GreenNnice]

IS it possible? I totally believe that it is but I've heard from so many men that it isn't possible for them to be in a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex. What do you think?

Just been wondering.

Catty: But I have to guard my heart and be careful to guard their heart as well.
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Words of wisdom these be: guard your/his heart.

Absolutely! The Lord leads us into relationships but once there we must be STRONG in Christ, the cup must be wo full of Him that we know to not give in to him.

Guard our hearts and his! Yes, a frienship WILL become based on that and lead to so much more, because He will bless you for helping him not get you with his manly (notice the word 'Godly not used) advances. It takes a guy FIRMLY planted in His faith of Him to deny your advances and also it takes a girl FIRMLY planted in the faith to deny His adVANCES. This is how I translate your saying 'guard your heart' .

Amen, well said, Catty !

 

[Maddog]

Of course it's possible. I'd even go as far as to suggest that it's pretty likely that throughout the course of one's life, one will have several friends of the opposite sex with whom there is little to no romantic interest.

 

[Catlynn]

Catty: But I have to guard my heart and be careful to guard their heart as well.
------
Words of wisdom these be: guard your/his heart.

Absolutely! The Lord leads us into relationships but once there we must be STRONG in Christ, the cup must be wo full of Him that we know to not give in to him.

Guard our hearts and his! Yes, a frienship WILL become based on that and lead to so much more, because He will bless you for helping him not get you with his manly (notice the word 'Godly not used) advances. It takes a guy FIRMLY planted in His faith of Him to deny your advances and also it takes a girl FIRMLY planted in the faith to deny His adVANCES. This is how I translate your saying 'guard your heart' .

Amen, well said, Catty !

Thanks! I do what I can. lol

 

[GreenNnice]

Thanks! I do what I can. lol

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YEAH, Catty, that 'guard your/his heart' example is good of yours and not sure if my interpretation melded for you but, and, do note I am very good at Pinochle, by the way, lol (meld. Get it?) Anyway, YEAH, I think guys think VERY highly of a girl that can help him when he wants to be more than friends and you just want to be friends. Girls magnetize guys when they shutter our adVANCES and girls that see a guy shutter their adVANCES (when its obvious attraction) are entranced, I think.

But, YEAH, guys can have a girl friend instead of a girlfriend, thed Lord leads, but I have had many girl friends while attending singles group at my church. YEAH, it sure is possible, catty, you know, ALL things are possible with God. Course, that's not a big deal to be platonic with a girl for a believer guy who is following God. You do have to pray that God give you discernment and wisdom that guy is good God guy. Don't worry, in prayer, God tells all.
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Catty, in another thread, you told of how you got past guy you were with, 'deleted' him, think you said. He is father if your child, not trying to be too personal but were you friends with him and it became more, outside of God ?

 

[Catlynn]

I've only ever had one boyfriend. We weren't friends first and none of the relationship was God centered. As for my baby's father, a different guy, it was all superficial and selfish. Never really a relationship of any kind and definitely not Godly.

 

[GreenNnice]

I've only ever had one boyfriend. We weren't friends first and none of the relationship was God centered. As for my baby's father, a different guy, it was all superficial and selfish. Never really a relationship of any kind and definitely not Godly.

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Oh.
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Catty, the more you let the Lord lead the more you know ....

That goes for you, me, everybody. Jesus asked the Twelve to drop everything and follow Him . One wanted to go back and bury his dead mother.

Jesus said: Let the dead bury the dead.

To me, tgat is a profound couple verses.

1st , it says that following the Lord's lead is difficult (I would want to bury my mother) .

2nd , it says to me that funerals are not something to care about.

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I really don't know why I say all this except that after having read your heart-spill, as I call it, that you did in a loooong post shows me, others, guys, girls, you are really seeking God, not to mention, following Him now.

 

[Catlynn]

I am. I can't do or be anything worthwhile without him. God called me to give up everything, friends included, and follow Him. And after each thing I gave up to Him, He showed me that His grace was enough for me for power is perfected in weakness.
I'm totally getting off-topic now but...God is amazing! I just hope that my life can be used to show that.