Guys - How to be a good older sister to my brother?

[PANCAKES]

Sometimes I wish I could give him manly support, like a dad does, or an older brother. Someone he can look up to...But I'm neither of those two. I'm just his dopey older sister. I'm worried that he won't have a good christian man's influence in his life. Maybe I'm treading on shaky ground here, but I need some advice from the fathers/men/older brothers in this forum. About how to treat him and talk to him in a supportive way, not like a mother does...because he already has that. But maybe something more along the lines that young men need, or talks or words that they need to hear from a guy's perspective that I can relay to him. I know God has him in the palms of his hand, but maybe there's something I can do also?


Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!!

 

[SeanS]

Sometimes I wish I could give him manly support, like a dad does, or an older brother. Someone he can look up to...But I'm neither of those two. I'm just his dopey older sister. I'm worried that he won't have a good christian man's influence in his life. Maybe I'm treading on shaky ground here, but I need some advice from the fathers/men/older brothers in this forum. About how to treat him and talk to him in a supportive way, not like a mother does...because he already has that. But maybe something more along the lines that young men need, or talks or words that they need to hear from a guy's perspective that I can relay to him. I know God has him in the palms of his hand, but maybe there's something I can do also?


Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!!

If he is an environment where he sees much more women than he does men (like so many households today) he will most likely turn out one of two ways:

1) Much more feminine then he should be

Or go the opposite way and

2) get the wrong idea of what it means to be a man and end up being overly aggressive, angry and impulsive.

The only way to prevent these cases from happening is by helping him logically understand the differences that God intended there to be between the genders, these are revealed in scripture. You may be tempted to act more masculine in order to encourage him in that way but that would be the wrong thing to do.

A woman never can fill the position of a male role model in a boys life, and when they try to, they end up failing and also neglecting the sister and mothering role which is just as vital for a boy. Act feminine (as the bible describes femininity) If he understands what the biblical roles are, and sees you fully submitting to them, he is much more likely to follow suit.

Secondly, if he goes to church, ask an older (strong christian) male if he can start spending some time with your brother. This will give him practical guidance which will affirm what you have taught him about masculinity.

If you want some resources to help you understand what biblical manhood is, I will inbox them to you.

 

[PANCAKES]

Great advice! Thank you Sean. Yes, please inbox the resources, that would be great.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

I'm afraid the liberals have done their work well. 48 percent of first births are by unwed mothers, and by age 30 two-thirds of American women have had a child, typically out of wedlock.

New Report: 48 Percent of First Children Born to Unwed Mothers | CNS News

 

[GRA]

Sometimes I wish I could give him manly support, like a dad does, or an older brother. Someone he can look up to...But I'm neither of those two. I'm just his dopey older sister. I'm worried that he won't have a good christian man's influence in his life. Maybe I'm treading on shaky ground here, but I need some advice from the fathers/men/older brothers in this forum. About how to treat him and talk to him in a supportive way, not like a mother does...because he already has that. But maybe something more along the lines that young men need, or talks or words that they need to hear from a guy's perspective that I can relay to him. I know God has him in the palms of his hand, but maybe there's something I can do also?


Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!!

Honey - "listen" carefully - I do not want this to "come across" to you the wrong way. Considering that fact that you are actually looking for advice for you and not your brother, I thought it best to simply "say" this to you in a very straight-forward way - please forgive me if it sounds a bit too 'blunt'...

Do not try to be something you are not (a brother). Instead, be just exactly what you are (a sister) - with as much love, patience, understanding, and etc. as you can muster -- and -- encourage him to find a good, older, Christian father-figure or friend-and-mentor.

Even if he has 9 other sisters - you are uniquely in the position of being who and what you are - which is what he needs the most from you. If you are his only sister - then, "all the more important"...

It sounds like you have a loving and caring "sisterly" heart - with the good intent to help him. That is wonderful! Direct that - the "truest" and most honest thing you have to offer - towards him. Show him the "sisterly" love and affection which is in your heart. (Do not "go overboard" - but, show him that you love him and that you care.)

Anything else may not "come across" to him in the way that you would like it to. As well-meaning as you may be - it may 'backfire'...

What is the situation with his dad? Does he have any uncles or other male relatives or friends-of-the-family that could be role-models?

EDIT: In other words -- you have answered your own question in the title of this thread -- [simply] "be a good older sister"...

 

[PANCAKES]

Thank you GRA, again wonderful advice! and it brings me a bit of peace. My brother is in our church's band, he plays the drums and has contact with the men of that group, but I don't know any of them, and he's not usually in contact with them unless it's for practice on thursdays, and playing on sundays.


Our parents are divorced and live separately, and our dad isn't the kind of dad that speaks about Christ, or teaches what needs to be taught, like how to be godly man - because he isn't. I love my dad, but he fails miserably in this department.


The only way I can really reach out, like Sean said, is by influence. If I'm a godly woman, little bro will see this and perhaps want to become a godly man.


another issue in my household was abuse - because of this my mother has a pretty negative outlook on some things about men, and she discusses it with me some times. I don't want the negative outlook to be overheard by my younger brother, and have him thinking that he's being looked down upon. I want to uplift him and encourage him and build him up! I want to say good things - it's just I don't know what good things to say most of the time.



Thanks again!

 

[GRA]

Thank you GRA, again wonderful advice! and it brings me a bit of peace. My brother is in our church's band, he plays the drums and has contact with the men of that group, but I don't know any of them, and he's not usually in contact with them unless it's for practice on thursdays, and playing on sundays.


Our parents are divorced and live separately, and our dad isn't the kind of dad that speaks about Christ, or teaches what needs to be taught, like how to be godly man - because he isn't. I love my dad, but he fails miserably in this department.


The only way I can really reach out, like Sean said, is by influence. If I'm a godly woman, little bro will see this and perhaps want to become a godly man.


another issue in my household was abuse - because of this my mother has a pretty negative outlook on some things about men, and she discusses it with me some times. I don't want the negative outlook to be overheard by my younger brother, and have him thinking that he's being looked down upon. I want to uplift him and encourage him and build him up! I want to say good things - it's just I don't know what good things to say most of the time.



Thanks again!

"You are very welcome, my dear..."

 

[BishopSEH]

Gra happens to be right. I grew up in a household that was female dominant. I had the benefit of being the first born so they tended to look to me for brotherly support. It is extremely important for your brother to have a good Christian role model. The thing is, you can't fill that role. The best way, considering your situation is to encourage him to find a small group at a church that has mentoring programs. The great thing is, he can learn as much being a mentor as being mentored. Sometimes, the best training for manhood is leading. Ideally he would have both a mentor and be a mentor.

It is clear you love your brother. Keep loving him as his sister. You are having a much greater impact than you can possibly know. Also remember he has the same heavenly father that you do and your brother can always seek guidance from him both in prayer and in His Word.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH

 

[Ugly]

Be a sister, not a friend. And let him be a guy. Don't nag at him for doing 'guy things'. Let little things slide. If he farts its not your job to correct that, haha. If you see him behaving in a way that could be a detriment to him, don't boss him, or push him to listen. Talk to him like you would like someone to talk to you. Ask questions, listen, try to understand. Then gentle give advice.

And as was posted above, don't try to be a 'guy' to him. That's not your job, just like its not your job to be a mother. You have a job. Sister. God entrusted you with that position, so act in the position God gave you and let others fulfill the other roles in his life.

 

[PANCAKES]

Thank you Bishop and Ugly!