heartbroken mom over sons

[kim12345]

hi for years I hoped prayed and tried to raise 2 sons that would be friends but I failed
yesterday they had a big Mean hurtful verbal exchange
my view:
1 son has been mean to his brother for years (insecure I guess maybe jealous)
year after year younger son kept his mouth shut while his older brother put him down (I tried to tell son 1 please say Nice things about people but he argues)
Now this time other son Got fed Up and said something very very very hurtful to him about his size.


my dream for them to get along as adults and do bbqs, picnics, laughter together is gone
sad
I can ask for prayer but Im lacking faith
sad mom

 

[mystdancer50]

It will happen. Give it time.

Think of Jacob and Esau. They had a relationship similar to that, and it was mended. My brother and I have had out and out brawls (verbal, since I'm a girl and my brother wouldn't hit me ) but we get along now. Keep praying and keep believing. Give God time to do His thing.

 

[kim12345]

I sure hope so, your message is very encouraging. I don't know the story of Jacob and Easu but I shall read it.
did your brother say hurtful words about you and you are now friends?

Also, whats weird is your statment at the bottom about Purity... The Lord has been working on me about purity.

It will happen. Give it time.

Think of Jacob and Esau. They had a relationship similar to that, and it was mended. My brother and I have had out and out brawls (verbal, since I'm a girl and my brother wouldn't hit me ) but we get along now. Keep praying and keep believing. Give God time to do His thing.

 

[kim12345]

Give God time, yes I need to do that I am always in a hurry for Gods work

 

[Fenner]

My Brother and I had some very rough times when we were kids. I will say he was more nasty to mean than I was to him. I am the youngest. He apologized to me a few years ago. Of course I forgive him. I never held a grudge. I'm not sure how old your son's are. I hope they eventually mend ways and become friends.

 

[kim12345]

thank you, 17 & 21

My Brother and I had some very rough times when we were kids. I will say he was more nasty to mean than I was to him. I am the youngest. He apologized to me a few years ago. Of course I forgive him. I never held a grudge. I'm not sure how old your son's are. I hope they eventually mend ways and become friends.

 

[Angela53510]

My two middle sons were very close growing up. They loved sports, and played outdoors and we did lots of family things together. Then the younger of the two made a choice the older didn't like. It got ugly. They actually deleted each other from FB. I tried very hard to get them both to see the other one's point of view, but the younger one in particular was determined to show he was as good as his big brother.

Well, this year everything changed after about 10 long years. They both have babies, Skype each other, and got along great when they came here for my birthday.

I tried not to interfere, just make them realize I was not going to take sides. I also prayed a LOT!! I am so grateful God answered my prayers and they are both friends again.

Even if they weren't siblings, it would have been terrible for them to have broken up such a strong friendship. Praying for your boys. Don't give up hope! God can mend the rift in ways we cannot imagine.

 

[overcomer2]

When I read your post that sounded like my two daughters. My oldest daughter was so mean to my youngest daughter. My youngest worshipped the ground the older one walked on. I hated to see it. I had countless discussions about this to my older one. One day I don't know what happened but my youngest had enough. That was it. She was fighting back. No would come out of her mouth about everything the older one would ask. Okay fast forward 3 or 4 years. Somehow little by little I saw some hope. They are now 19 and 14. We actually holler at them now to stop laughing and giggling and go to bed. They will literally do that until 1 in the morning on weekends. Sometimes I sit in my room and wonder how it literally changed. It used to just grieve my heart. I always would take my youngest ones side. For a lot of reasons. But then I tried occasionally to stand up for the older one, I don't know if this helped but I could see that maybe I was being partial and part of the problem. Will keep you in prayer

I don't know how it changed I prayed a lot.

 

[mystdancer50]

I sure hope so, your message is very encouraging. I don't know the story of Jacob and Easu but I shall read it.
did your brother say hurtful words about you and you are now friends?

Also, whats weird is your statment at the bottom about Purity... The Lord has been working on me about purity.

My brother said very hurtful things to me and I have said hurtful things to him too. It would have been worse on my end had I not been a Christian. That saved me from saying truly destructive things, but it didn't spare me from hearing them. But I love my brother and we get along really well now.

Here's a video that tells a bit about Jacob and Esau

<span class="gmw_">[video=vimeo;45313207]http://vimeo.com/45313207[/video]

God has called me to radical purity and now I'm currently working on setting up a teaching on a three-fold message regarding purity
1. One's worth and value
2. Loving God vs. Being in love with God
3. Purity

It's been a wild ride.

 

[chatter23]

hi for years I hoped prayed and tried to raise 2 sons that would be friends but I failed
yesterday they had a big Mean hurtful verbal exchange
my view:
1 son has been mean to his brother for years (insecure I guess maybe jealous)
year after year younger son kept his mouth shut while his older brother put him down (I tried to tell son 1 please say Nice things about people but he argues)
Now this time other son Got fed Up and said something very very very hurtful to him about his size.
my dream for them to get along as adults and do bbqs, picnics, laughter together is gone
sad
I can ask for prayer but Im lacking faith
sad mom

It sounds like one is jealous of his brother, Has one been your more favored than the other for some reason?

 

[kim12345]

yes, I think there is jealousy unfortunely. Not sure what, but thinking -his younger brother grew really tall. my 1st son & I prayed for years that he, himself would grow taller but it didnt happen. kids have made fun of his height. also had some acne brother did not etc. He was always kinda mean to his brother. He also puts others down.

I have tried very hard not to play favorites. My oldest son always mentions that I love the other one more. But I dont have a favorite I know some parents tell me they do But I love and want the Best for both!!
At times he has a strong personality and likes to argue and that bugs me. I have tried to Never never compare them. In my Heart I love them both. I really dont think I have a favorite. but one does have an easier personality. but then my older one talks to me more.

It sounds like one is jealous of his brother, Has one been your more favored than the other for some reason?

 

[kim12345]

thanks you so much for sharing your story---I thank you for the hope

My two middle sons were very close growing up. They loved sports, and played outdoors and we did lots of family things together. Then the younger of the two made a choice the older didn't like. It got ugly. They actually deleted each other from FB. I tried very hard to get them both to see the other one's point of view, but the younger one in particular was determined to show he was as good as his big brother.

Well, this year everything changed after about 10 long years. They both have babies, Skype each other, and got along great when they came here for my birthday.

I tried not to interfere, just make them realize I was not going to take sides. I also prayed a LOT!! I am so grateful God answered my prayers and they are both friends again.

Even if they weren't siblings, it would have been terrible for them to have broken up such a strong friendship. Praying for your boys. Don't give up hope! God can mend the rift in ways we cannot imagine.

 

[kim12345]

thank you for sharing - I guess I wont give up I'll continue to Pray

When I read your post that sounded like my two daughters. My oldest daughter was so mean to my youngest daughter. My youngest worshipped the ground the older one walked on. I hated to see it. I had countless discussions about this to my older one. One day I don't know what happened but my youngest had enough. That was it. She was fighting back. No would come out of her mouth about everything the older one would ask. Okay fast forward 3 or 4 years. Somehow little by little I saw some hope. They are now 19 and 14. We actually holler at them now to stop laughing and giggling and go to bed. They will literally do that until 1 in the morning on weekends. Sometimes I sit in my room and wonder how it literally changed. It used to just grieve my heart. I always would take my youngest ones side. For a lot of reasons. But then I tried occasionally to stand up for the older one, I don't know if this helped but I could see that maybe I was being partial and part of the problem. Will keep you in prayer

I don't know how it changed I prayed a lot.

 

[kim12345]

ok, I watched the video. Thank You!!! But gosh I Dont want to be like Rachel the mom---I hope I havent??? now Im worried

I dont really hear the blessing that came out of this. did they become friends?

My brother said very hurtful things to me and I have said hurtful things to him too. It would have been worse on my end had I not been a Christian. That saved me from saying truly destructive things, but it didn't spare me from hearing them. But I love my brother and we get along really well now.

Here's a video that tells a bit about Jacob and Esau

<span class="gmw_">[video=vimeo;45313207]http://vimeo.com/45313207[/video]

God has called me to radical purity and now I'm currently working on setting up a teaching on a three-fold message regarding purity
1. One's worth and value
2. Loving God vs. Being in love with God
3. Purity

It's been a wild ride.

 

[mystdancer50]

ok, I watched the video. Thank You!!! But gosh I Dont want to be like Rachel the mom---I hope I havent??? now Im worried

I dont really hear the blessing that came out of this. did they become friends?

Don't worry. You're probably not like Rebekah. There is a whole lot tied up in the story.

Genesis 33Jacob Meets Esau
1 Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. 2 He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother.
4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.

 

[kim12345]

thats for sure ... I just looked it up and wooooo thats a long story but it does seem like they were at peace later yeah
Thank You for Your help!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't worry. You're probably not like Rebekah. There is a whole lot tied up in the story.

 

[answers]

I have three siblings. I am the oldest, then I have twin siblings (boy and girl), then came our baby brother 4 years later on the twins birthday. We grew up in a very dysfunctional home, so I am almost positive our interactions with one another were extreme. My middle brother was a very aggressive and an antagonistic child. Him and I could not stand each other. We fought verbally and physically multiple times a day. He was the root of our problems, most the time we fought because I was defending another sibling. He received counseling through a judges order around 14 and he changed a ton. We could actually be in the same room without fighting. We are now both adults and we still get along. He struggles with addiction, so this is our only obstacle to having a great relationship.

My advice, may or may not apply, to be careful to not make one son feel worse than the other. For example, if one has been the aggressor do not jump in their disputes with any emotion of protection of the other. The reason, it may make him (the aggressor) more obnoxious with the other son. Almost like kids in a class picking on the "teacher's pet".

I would not be too concerned with their relationship, but more on teaching them how to express and defuse in situations. They are growing boys who have a surplus of adrenaline and a brain that lacks impulse control, so giving them wisdom from The Lord and mediation logic may help them develop the relationship you wish them to have. If possible, have them attend christian counseling.

God bless these boys in what they see, hear, feel, express, and their interactions with one another. Please weigh heavily on their mother with complete guidance for her to use to benefit her children in your honor and remove any worries that resonate within. In Jesus' name, Amen

 

[Lucy68]

Many siblings become friends later in life. With all that testosterone bouncing around there's bound to be conflict . Just don't tolerate meanness in your household.

Is their dad involved in their lives? Do they have interaction with mature Christian men? I've seen how helpful it is to have a good male role model in a young man's life...hope that can be true in your situation too.

You sound like a wonderful mother...hang in there through these hard years. Praying for you...wisdom and guidance and harmony in your home .

 

[overcomer2]

I thought about it last night what I might have done differently to help them be closer - (while reading I saw again some similarities - no tall/small issues but my oldest argues with me more and she is stronger in her personality. My youngest is soooooooooooo much easier to talk with and live with etc. However, I tried to begin to take my rose colored glasses off and see what my older would get so angry about. Here is one scenerio: youngest leaves milk on counter and older says get in there and put it up (me: don't talk to her that way etc.) Then I realized by older was just doing exactly what God called her to be (The older one). meaning the younger one would need to submit sometimes to the education and the decision of the older one. So the next time it happened and I saw the spiral. I piped in and said to my younger one, "Go put the milk away like your sister said." I don't know it was a really slow process but my younger one will listen when her sister tells her something. I really think it made a difference.

I hope that story wasn't confusing.

 

[kim12345]

God is workin- oldest son came home and showed us all (including younger bro) the new trailer for a movie called Noah and said he wants the whole family to go. this is uplifting, (dont know if the movie follows the bible)