Hello all

[Soasa]

I will just start out with a basic "hello." I usually have a lot to say but slowly over time, I got really shy and quiet about even posting on websites. Over time, I will loosen up and post more... probably more than anyone will want to hear (or see as it were). I will say this, and it is part of why I am now so quiet. I had a stroke nearly 14 years ago. My speaking voice, while it works, is now... slower than it was. There is nothing wrong with how I think, but I just can't get out what I want to say. I used to get (brutally) teased without end about that which lead me to stop talking altogether. My right leg is only about 40% and my right arm is less that 1%. From my right elbow to my hand is 0%. I can feel... just not move. I just now got home from Church and we had a lot of visitors there (like normal for Easter). We normally have about 400-500 people there on any given Sunday and that is almost too much for me. We had over 1000 people there today and I almost ran (if I could run, I would have!) out of the sanctuary after we were finished. Now I am sitting alone in the dark trying to settle my breathing.

Oh... a little bit about my name on here. I tried everything I could think of when I was setting it up, but everything was already used. I remembered when I used to play a game called Star Wars Galaxies, I created a guy who was based off a guy from a movie at the time (the name of the movie was "The Usual Subjects" and the guy's named was Kaiser Sosa). I took the name "Sosa" and added the extra "a" and it became "Soasa." When everything else failed, I tried Soasa and it worked! Pretty boring, but hey!

 

[Mem]

Hello, Soasa. You selected a good name for me to read wrong, so as a... thanks for the explanation. I'll take it that you are a fellow introvert that reads like an extrovert on paper. There are a lot of us here. Welcome to CC.

 

[Magenta]

Welcome!

 

[Bingo]

 

[Soasa]

Hello, Soasa. You selected a good name for me to read wrong, so as a... thanks for the explanation. I'll take it that you are a fellow introvert that reads like an extrovert on paper. There are a lot of us here. Welcome to CC.

Yeah. I have always been this way, but I am much more "this way" than normal these days. I used to really enjoy getting up and talking... into a microphone that is. "How can that be," you ask? Because if you are standing up in front of a crowd that is so large that you have to use a mic, chances are that they won't be talking back. I could pretend to scan the faces as I spoke, but it was a trick. I scanned the aisles... not the people. It was like I was talking to myself.

That has changed these days it seems. I have had to beg off when I get asked by my pastors to lead everyone in a prayer or a "good morning all" type of thing. All I can think of is, "how am I going to get up on stage?" And I have a borderline panic attack! The lead pastor has asked me to film my testimony and air it on our website, but so far, I have begged off that as well. My testimony is LONG... like nearly 26 pages typed out. (Yes, it is complicated. I wrote it out one day to show it to my pastor and he didn't think I could shrink it down any.) With that much to say and with my mouth always not wanted to say what my brain said, that would take hours! So I am comfortable being a mouse hiding in my row of "PLEASE DON'T SPEAK TO ME!!!" section.

 

[Soasa]

Welcome!

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Thanks you both!

 

[SunshineGirl]

Welcome to Christian Chat 😊
Wow!! That is a lot of people at the church you attend. I am glad that you stayed even though you did want to go. What kind of church is it?
My niece used to play Star Wars Galaxies when ever I went round hers. She loves the Star Wars movies. My mum knitted her the characters from the movies she has them all on her bed so cute 🥰

 

[SunshineGirl]

Yeah. I have always been this way, but I am much more "this way" than normal these days. I used to really enjoy getting up and talking... into a microphone that is. "How can that be," you ask? Because if you are standing up in front of a crowd that is so large that you have to use a mic, chances are that they won't be talking back. I could pretend to scan the faces as I spoke, but it was a trick. I scanned the aisles... not the people. It was like I was talking to myself.

That has changed these days it seems. I have had to beg off when I get asked by my pastors to lead everyone in a prayer or a "good morning all" type of thing. All I can think of is, "how am I going to get up on stage?" And I have a borderline panic attack! The lead pastor has asked me to film my testimony and air it on our website, but so far, I have begged off that as well. My testimony is LONG... like nearly 26 pages typed out. (Yes, it is complicated. I wrote it out one day to show it to my pastor and he didn't think I could shrink it down any.) With that much to say and with my mouth always not wanted to say what my brain said, that would take hours! So I am comfortable being a mouse hiding in my row of "PLEASE DON'T SPEAK TO ME!!!" section.

Even though at the moment you don't feel you can stand and speak I think it's lovely your pastor wants you to get involved and to share your testimony even if it is very long.
Could someone film you maybe at your home given your testimony. You might feel more relaxed that way and it wouldn't have to be done in one day. Just make sure you wear the same clothes each time they film you and remember where you got to in your testimony 😃 It could be an amazing way to share with people what God has done and is doing in your life.
It would be great to hear your testimony one day 🥰

 

[Soasa]

Welcome to Christian Chat 😊
Wow!! That is a lot of people at the church you attend. I am glad that you stayed even though you did want to go. What kind of church is it?
My niece used to play Star Wars Galaxies when ever I went round hers. She loves the Star Wars movies. My mum knitted her the characters from the movies she has them all on her bed so cute 🥰

And this is the part that requires an explanation although I didn't actually know about this. Since I can't work because of my stroke, I spend everyday up at the church volunteering. One of the guys that I closely work beside made the comment that sometimes he gets awful looks when he tells what type of church he attends. It is a Church of Christ by the way. What he says and what I say now is that we are not the typical Church of Christ.

When I decided to go back to a church after I healed as much as I was going to heal in my body and mind, I sent emails to most of the church around Amarillo saying who I am and what I was experiencing. Most churches didn't even respond. A few surprised me and said I wasn't welcome there because "your type of condition will run off some of our members who want to preserve our image." What??? Then I emailed Southwest Church of Christ and I got emails... that's right... emailS... back in MINUTES! All said, "We don't care what you look like or what you think you look like. We are broken and we welcome others who are broken." It has been 3 years and I still tear up just thinking about it!

Oh... about the testimony. I will post it on here in our testimonies section. Later though. Time to have my quiet time with God and then go to work.

 

[SunshineGirl]

And this is the part that requires an explanation although I didn't actually know about this. Since I can't work because of my stroke, I spend everyday up at the church volunteering. One of the guys that I closely work beside made the comment that sometimes he gets awful looks when he tells what type of church he attends. It is a Church of Christ by the way. What he says and what I say now is that we are not the typical Church of Christ.

When I decided to go back to a church after I healed as much as I was going to heal in my body and mind, I sent emails to most of the church around Amarillo saying who I am and what I was experiencing. Most churches didn't even respond. A few surprised me and said I wasn't welcome there because "your type of condition will run off some of our members who want to preserve our image." What??? Then I emailed Southwest Church of Christ and I got emails... that's right... emailS... back in MINUTES! All said, "We don't care what you look like or what you think you look like. We are broken and we welcome others who are broken." It has been 3 years and I still tear up just thinking about it!

Oh... about the testimony. I will post it on here in our testimonies section. Later though. Time to have my quiet time with God and then go to work.

Yes you are right we are all broken just some peoples broken pieces are more visible. Don't let people upset you. When people say you are not welcome I know God says "come this way" for you, it looks like God has taken you to the right church for you. I love that about God he always makes a way for us all no matter what people say. I hope you enjoy your time at church today 🥰

 

[D3vot3d]

 

[TabinRivCA]

Glad the Lord led you to CC, welcome! Lots of caring believers here and we do encourage each other. May God bless you and your time here!!!

 

[Tall_Timbers]

Welcome, Soasa!

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I will just start out with a basic "hello." I usually have a lot to say but slowly over time, I got really shy and quiet about even posting on websites. Over time, I will loosen up and post more... probably more than anyone will want to hear (or see as it were). I will say this, and it is part of why I am now so quiet. I had a stroke nearly 14 years ago. My speaking voice, while it works, is now... slower than it was. There is nothing wrong with how I think, but I just can't get out what I want to say. I used to get (brutally) teased without end about that which lead me to stop talking altogether. My right leg is only about 40% and my right arm is less that 1%. From my right elbow to my hand is 0%. I can feel... just not move. I just now got home from Church and we had a lot of visitors there (like normal for Easter). We normally have about 400-500 people there on any given Sunday and that is almost too much for me. We had over 1000 people there today and I almost ran (if I could run, I would have!) out of the sanctuary after we were finished. Now I am sitting alone in the dark trying to settle my breathing.

Oh... a little bit about my name on here. I tried everything I could think of when I was setting it up, but everything was already used. I remembered when I used to play a game called Star Wars Galaxies, I created a guy who was based off a guy from a movie at the time (the name of the movie was "The Usual Subjects" and the guy's named was Kaiser Sosa). I took the name "Sosa" and added the extra "a" and it became "Soasa." When everything else failed, I tried Soasa and it worked! Pretty boring, but hey!

The Usual Suspects. Awesome movie.

In the past year I had surgery for mouth cancer, followed by radiation therapy. I went perhaps 9 months without speaking. I'm only recently beginning to start talking again. A lot of changes happened inside my mouth and face, which makes speaking harder for me now. So on that front I can relate. It's rough, to say the least.

 

[Soasa]

In the past year I had surgery for mouth cancer, followed by radiation therapy. I went perhaps 9 months without speaking. I'm only recently beginning to start talking again. A lot of changes happened inside my mouth and face, which makes speaking harder for me now. So on that front I can relate. It's rough, to say the least.

Ouch! Never had mouth cancer, but I've known others who have. You have my respect coming back from that!

 

[LittleLion777]

I will just start out with a basic "hello." I usually have a lot to say but slowly over time, I got really shy and quiet about even posting on websites. Over time, I will loosen up and post more... probably more than anyone will want to hear (or see as it were). I will say this, and it is part of why I am now so quiet. I had a stroke nearly 14 years ago. My speaking voice, while it works, is now... slower than it was. There is nothing wrong with how I think, but I just can't get out what I want to say. I used to get (brutally) teased without end about that which lead me to stop talking altogether. My right leg is only about 40% and my right arm is less that 1%. From my right elbow to my hand is 0%. I can feel... just not move. I just now got home from Church and we had a lot of visitors there (like normal for Easter). We normally have about 400-500 people there on any given Sunday and that is almost too much for me. We had over 1000 people there today and I almost ran (if I could run, I would have!) out of the sanctuary after we were finished. Now I am sitting alone in the dark trying to settle my breathing.

Oh... a little bit about my name on here. I tried everything I could think of when I was setting it up, but everything was already used. I remembered when I used to play a game called Star Wars Galaxies, I created a guy who was based off a guy from a movie at the time (the name of the movie was "The Usual Subjects" and the guy's named was Kaiser Sosa). I took the name "Sosa" and added the extra "a" and it became "Soasa." When everything else failed, I tried Soasa and it worked! Pretty boring, but hey!

Praise God for the introverts! You are in good company! I am so sorry you got teased about your speaking. That is really upsetting and so wrong. I am so angry hearing people hurt you. So sorry for your terrible experience. You have been through a very difficult time. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. It is so normal for an introvert to feel overwhelmed with so many people at church. Please practice self-care. Be always kind to yourself. I like to put up signs on my wall to remind me of truths and to encourage myself. It really helps. During Covid, I put up a gigantic sign saying, "You are doing your very best in a very bad situation." That was so helpful to remind me that the situation was tough and I was doing great. Be kind and gentle to yourself always.

 

[Soasa]

Be kind and gentle to yourself always.

That is one of those lessons that I need to learn. Thank you!

 

[MonicaJosipha]

Welcome to CC

 

[Soasa]

Thank you!