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TRUTH - HATE THIS LIFE other than reaching others to Christ, want no personal ambitions, want this - heaven. Believe God can give you a deposit of it within you, nothing is impossible for God, seek the KINGDOM... how? READING A LOT, refraining a lot, asking a lot (LUKE 11:5) read that... and if you mourn and turn your joy into sorrow because you want heaven within you and keep that attitude fasting, reading and you keep asking to be made one with CHRIST and GOD in Spirit, HE will finally cave in, GET up out of bed and open the door, but after you show diligence and boldness by not backing down, its taken by force, Matthew 11:12 --- hear me out brother, you are loved --- YouTube - Jesus Christ Testimony, Finding Jesus Christ, Jesus loves you.