Hebrews 13:5 b "I will never leave you or forsake you."
It sounds like you've been living a pretty hard life. I really don't know what you are going through no matter how much I try to understand because I have never actually experienced anything like this myself. But I can tell you that Jesus will always be by your side. God knows what you're going through even more than you do. I'm glad that you believe, but I also encourage you to spend some time with God through reading the Bible or even just talking to him like you would talk to a friend.
I've already posted this verse in another post, but I'll do it again just for you! =]
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!
Are you getting what that means? It means that the love that he felt for you for Him to decide to come down to earth as a man, live a perfect life without sin (I bet that wasn't easy), all in the end to freaking DIE just for you...that same love that Jesus had as he thought about you up on that cross on mount Calvary...is the exact same love that he has for you right now!
There was a poem I read that was called Foot Prints in the Sand (I posted this already also O
and it was like a man always saw 2 sets of footprints - him and God - walking side by side, but in his greatest moment of need, he only saw 1 set of footprints, and he said to God "You said that if I followed you, you would always be by my side, but why is it that in my greatest times of need, I only see 1 set of footprints?" And Jesus said to Him, "Dear child, I will never leave you or forsake you. During the times that you only saw 1 set of footprints...it was then that I carried you".
I hope that poem encouraged you a little, because I know it encouraged me the first time and every time I read it. Even now, I'm so pumped up for God!
If you ever need anyone to talk to I'll be here! Plus, there's all these people here on Christian Chat. Most of all, there's Christ. He loves you so much that He'd die for you! So, why wouldn't He want to listen to you? Go talk to him! I hope this was encouraging for you to trust God. He knows your needs, he won't leave, and he won't ever forsake you. Keep on trustin' ! May Jesus Christ Bless and Heal you!
~Nat