Help! Seperated and even more confused!

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

kasims06

Guest
#1
#1
Hi there! I am new to this chat site. I am 30 years old and have been married to my husband for a little more than 4 years. I feel like we've been great friends (we grew up together) but ever since we've been married he has failed to hold down a steady job. And the jobs he does get are so obscure. I divided our bills up (me still paying more b/c I have had a steady well paying job for the past 7 years) and he was to pay our mortgage payment....he failed to pay our mortgage, thus our home is in foreclosure.

I found an apartment for myself and my 2 daughters (from a previous marriage) to move into. So since January, my husband and I have been sepearted. At first, he was very torn up, emotional, frantic about losing me. Now, he says he loves me and wants us to work things out BUT he has moved in with a friend. And now, he spends every waking minute with that friend. I'm the one living alone, feeling sad and lonely and it hurts even more to know he is always with a friend having a good time. He never has to go to bed in an empty house, wake up to an empty house...he doesn't have to have those hard moments like I do. And he spends every minute w/ the friend. Even when I invite my husband to have dinner...he will tell me no so he can hang out w/ his friend.

Our deal was that we would give our marriage 90 days....well the 90 days came and went. He still doesn't have a job, I am definitely not his #1 priority and I feel the more time goes by the more detached he is from ME and the more attached he is to living w/ his friend and having "guy time" all the time. I'm so torn. He does spend time w/ me and claims to love me and want things to work out....but I think he loves being w/ his friend and not having any responsibility.
 
L

lordsservant121

Guest
#2
#2
Kasims06 I am sorry you are going through this alone. Know that there are many people who feel like you do and can lend a helpful ear if necessary. I know it is hard to understand but maybe your husband is having a hard time dealing with his feelings and it is easier to just be a friend to a guy than to think about the future. If you have feelings for him, which I think you do, then force him to sit down with you and try to work on your issues. Is there a marriage councilor or maybe someone in the church that you both trust to help mediate? The hardest thing to do is walk away from a marriage. It sounds like you know that and want to work on it. I think your husband knows that also but is just scared of what might happen if he does or says the wrong thing. I will be praying for you.
 
K

KezE

Guest
#3
#3
Hi Kasims06. I totally understand how lonely & sad you feel. I too have separated from my husband for 3 1/2 months. It hurts to know that he is having a good time while you are suffering alone & makes you feel even lonelier. What I've learnt through all this is that I am the only one who can take control of my own life. I can choose to sit & 'wallow' in my sadness or I can do something about my loneliness. I have 2 young kids & know that it's not always easy but I take them out with me whenever I can (e.g. I go to church Sat & Sun night, or to connect group during the week). I also started inviting friends over to my place more often, as they can get out while their husband looks after their kids. In the evenings once the kids have gone to bed is often the worst time for me. My friends are with their husbands & its not always possible to phone & chat. Thats why I joined this chat site - it gives me something positive to do & takes away that feeling of being completely alone.
Just remember you have to do it & dont rely on other people to reach out to you. You are the one who has to invite people over or get involved in activities.

I just want to encourage you in terms of your marriage. God is totally for this marriage & nothing is impossible with Him. Pray, pray, pray & keeping praying about it. Definitely get some good, Christian counselling together.
If God is for you then who can be against you?
 
S

silverdon

Guest
#4
#4
Pls my Dear in the first place you were selfish to allow this happen bcos your job was better than ur husband's job if he had money and refuse to pay those bills it will be a different story pls money is not all that makes a sweet home and marriage if you dont sit up now you will loose your man pls go back to him for 2 are better than 1 God bless you
Donald
+229 99199131
 
R

Ramon

Guest
#5
#5
kasims06 said:
Hi there! I am new to this chat site. I am 30 years old and have been married to my husband for a little more than 4 years. I feel like we've been great friends (we grew up together) but ever since we've been married he has failed to hold down a steady job. And the jobs he does get are so obscure. I divided our bills up (me still paying more b/c I have had a steady well paying job for the past 7 years) and he was to pay our mortgage payment....he failed to pay our mortgage, thus our home is in foreclosure.

I found an apartment for myself and my 2 daughters (from a previous marriage) to move into. So since January, my husband and I have been sepearted. At first, he was very torn up, emotional, frantic about losing me. Now, he says he loves me and wants us to work things out BUT he has moved in with a friend. And now, he spends every waking minute with that friend. I'm the one living alone, feeling sad and lonely and it hurts even more to know he is always with a friend having a good time. He never has to go to bed in an empty house, wake up to an empty house...he doesn't have to have those hard moments like I do. And he spends every minute w/ the friend. Even when I invite my husband to have dinner...he will tell me no so he can hang out w/ his friend.

Our deal was that we would give our marriage 90 days....well the 90 days came and went. He still doesn't have a job, I am definitely not his #1 priority and I feel the more time goes by the more detached he is from ME and the more attached he is to living w/ his friend and having "guy time" all the time. I'm so torn. He does spend time w/ me and claims to love me and want things to work out....but I think he loves being w/ his friend and not having any responsibility.
Click to expand...
My friend, firstly, do not end this marriage.

Secondly I could comfort you in such a thing saying, ''If it does not work, then quit.'' But this is advice from hell if I were to say that. So, do not divorce, because the Lord hates it.

Now, look at the foundation now. We can easily see the end of a thing when we look at the foundation of a thing. Was this marriage founded on love, or on materialism? If it were founded on materialism then it will be destroyed by materialism. And if on lust then by lust. So, if a house and such carnal things can make you disregard a direct command of the Lord, then where does that put you?

It is because people harden their hearts AGAINST THE LORD that they end up divorcing, but it is not like God permitted it.

Also, bitterness is a fast way to condemnation. If you harbor it it will be a poison to your soul. I hope you will receive this. May Jesus bless you.
 
P

Psalm2713

Guest
#6
#6
lordsservant121 said:
Kasims06 I am sorry you are going through this alone. Know that there are many people who feel like you do and can lend a helpful ear if necessary. I know it is hard to understand but maybe your husband is having a hard time dealing with his feelings and it is easier to just be a friend to a guy than to think about the future. If you have feelings for him, which I think you do, then force him to sit down with you and try to work on your issues. Is there a marriage councilor or maybe someone in the church that you both trust to help mediate? The hardest thing to do is walk away from a marriage. It sounds like you know that and want to work on it. I think your husband knows that also but is just scared of what might happen if he does or says the wrong thing. I will be praying for you.
Click to expand...
I like this...... just don't let your husband forget that you love him.... alright ?.... I pray for God's hand to be on Your marriage sister.... :)
 
X

XboughtwithapriceX

Guest
#7
#7
I have never been married, I am still very young but I can tell you that you CAN sort though this and NOTHING is impossible with God, NOTHING.

My parents have had so many problems but they were both willing to together work through and they went on a christian weekend retreat for married couples, that was uhm 7 or 8 years ago and their marriage has been completely restored by a loving fathers love. Maybe you should consider that?
The Lord does not approve of divorce or seperation.


Matthew 5:32

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.



Matthew 19:9

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”



Matthew 19:3-9
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
Luke 16:18

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.




Mark 10:12

And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”




1 Corinthians 7:10-17

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. .



Romans 7:2

For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.




Malachi 2:16

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”





Matthew 19:6

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”



It is a lot of scripture and there are so much more, God is clear about those things, I don't think we should change it just because our circumstances aren't all roses and butterflies. Yes it is hard but it will be worth it one day when God has open arms waiting for us and says to us Well done, my child.
If your husband is a unbeliever then it still is no reason to leave him.
The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”

Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God's presence 1 John 1:7. They should seek God's transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit Galations 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband 1 Peter 3:1, and she will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable her to do so.


I think the book of Ruth, which is my favorite book of the bible offers a lot of comfort for married women in struggling situations, her obedience to God led her to the lineage of Jesus and his blessings overflowed abundantly in her life due to obedience even when she was struggling with a unbelieving husband.



You are in my prayers sister, you and your daughters, I pray God will have mercy on you and show you his goodness, I pray that you will praise in this storm and remember that there is a blessing in the storm!



 
X

XboughtwithapriceX

Guest
#8
#8
And also, there is a great movie called fireproof, it is really cheap on ebay if they dont have it in store, have you and your husband sit down and watch it.

It is really good and I pray it touches your husbands heart and spurs on the love of the Lord to the church in his bride, you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.