Helping a family member with mental illness

[MRBHFJ]

How can I help a very close family member with what I perceive could be mental illness, when the person does not see anything wrong in what they are doing and becomes angry and turns it around on you when you try to address the issue? Several family members have tried to say something and this has happened to them, I have not tried yet, but I am certain I would get the same reaction and I genuinely want to help, but if the family member is mad and turns it around in everyone, then they won’t get the help.
It is not drug addiction or anything like that, it’s depression or mental illness or both.
So much has happened over so many years it would be hard to really even give an overview of it all, but their actions are becoming out of the norm and starting to affect more and more relationships with family members. I don’t know what to do, but I really think counseling and/or meds could help, but how do you help such a person? Are there any counselors on here that could guide me in a course of action?
Please pray for my family member.
If it helps for context, it is not my immediate (in my home) family, it is my parent.

 

[Rosemaryx]

How can I help a very close family member with what I perceive could be mental illness, when the person does not see anything wrong in what they are doing and becomes angry and turns it around on you when you try to address the issue? Several family members have tried to say something and this has happened to them, I have not tried yet, but I am certain I would get the same reaction and I genuinely want to help, but if the family member is mad and turns it around in everyone, then they won’t get the help.
It is not drug addiction or anything like that, it’s depression or mental illness or both.
So much has happened over so many years it would be hard to really even give an overview of it all, but their actions are becoming out of the norm and starting to affect more and more relationships with family members. I don’t know what to do, but I really think counseling and/or meds could help, but how do you help such a person? Are there any counselors on here that could guide me in a course of action?
Please pray for my family member.
If it helps for context, it is not my immediate (in my home) family, it is my parent.

You could write them a letter in gentleness , not accusing the person of anything , but letting them know through love that you are concerned for them and are there should the person need to talk to you...People in general cant resist reading a letter , and at least they will know you have reached out , and that way , you will not receive their anger but you will see their responce towards you next time you see said person...
Hope this helps

 

[Delvianna]

How can I help a very close family member with what I perceive could be mental illness, when the person does not see anything wrong in what they are doing and becomes angry and turns it around on you when you try to address the issue? Several family members have tried to say something and this has happened to them, I have not tried yet, but I am certain I would get the same reaction and I genuinely want to help, but if the family member is mad and turns it around in everyone, then they won’t get the help.
It is not drug addiction or anything like that, it’s depression or mental illness or both.
So much has happened over so many years it would be hard to really even give an overview of it all, but their actions are becoming out of the norm and starting to affect more and more relationships with family members. I don’t know what to do, but I really think counseling and/or meds could help, but how do you help such a person? Are there any counselors on here that could guide me in a course of action?
Please pray for my family member.
If it helps for context, it is not my immediate (in my home) family, it is my parent.

Talk to them about how you feel but ultimately know that you can't force help. Either someone wants to help themselves, or they don't. All you can do is point to things, pray for them and be there for them should they need it. Comfort, guidance, and love is your job but it is not your job to save them. As hard as that sounds... People can crash themselves even trying.

 

[Lanolin]

Not sure, but what are they mad about, what is it they are doing that is affecting everyone else?
If its depression, maybe they can't get out of bed?
If its mental illness, maybe they can't make any rational decisions?

Maybe they have been traumatised in some way and this is a reaction or response to that. Just let them know you care about them, even if it means leaving them alone to have some space and time to calm down or process what they are feeling, maybe its just overwhelm and they don't know how to cope, and that's the only way they know how.

You can't always save someone if they are determined to self-harm etc but you can always comfort and guide them love them, and forgive them.

Sometimes, a change of scenery can really help them get out of the negative headspace they may be in (if its truly mental illness or depression - maybe they need to go for a walk to blow of some steam) You could offer them some kind of activity that will take their mind off whatever they are mad about and do it together, just a thought. Something they like doing thats not overly taxing.

 

[Lanolin]

Parents can be hard to help, but you can always call on others that they might regard or listen to. If its an aging parent showing signs of dementia they may need to have someone come over for a friendly non-confrontational check up. Many elderly people can be too proud to accept that they need have some help, some pride themselves on their independence. Just need to have someone gentle chat with them, not everyone has this gift of patience and mercy. Find someone who does.

 

[timf]

I have found most people with mental health issues to be disinclined to consider that they have a mental health condition. It is perhaps more effective to see if the person can consider that there is something that they would like to improve. If they can see something that they would like to improve, you can suggest various experiments to see if anything effective can be done.

Experiments with sleep schedule, exercise, diet, nutrition, or adding various activities can be tried. Without a person thinking there is something that needs improvement, little progress will be made.

Over time and various failed "experiments", the person may be slightly more willing to consider a medical approach.

 

[MRBHFJ]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have talked to other family members and am now aware that this behavior has been going on for 50+ years. I am very concerned of bipolar disorder and/or that my parent may just have a very manipulative personality. The best way I know how to help at this point is that I have had a letter drafted explaining behaviors through the years to give to my other parent to give to the primary care doctor before the next routine visit so the dr can know ahead of time to screen for mental illness and refer if needed. Keep praying for my family. Thank you all

 

[timf]

On youtube is a video by Stephan Fry in which he explores his own bipolar and that of some others. One of the others is a woman doctor in England who was unable to work as a result of her bipolar. However, she discovered an Omega 3 supplement in fish oil that was able to help her recover enough to start work again.

Another youtube video by petersmithuk goes into detail as to how he manages his own bipolar with supplements. These may also shed some light.

 

[Suze]

How can I help a very close family member with what I perceive could be mental illness, when the person does not see anything wrong in what they are doing and becomes angry and turns it around on you when you try to address the issue? Several family members have tried to say something and this has happened to them, I have not tried yet, but I am certain I would get the same reaction and I genuinely want to help, but if the family member is mad and turns it around in everyone, then they won’t get the help.
It is not drug addiction or anything like that, it’s depression or mental illness or both.
So much has happened over so many years it would be hard to really even give an overview of it all, but their actions are becoming out of the norm and starting to affect more and more relationships with family members. I don’t know what to do, but I really think counseling and/or meds could help, but how do you help such a person? Are there any counselors on here that could guide me in a course of action?
Please pray for my family member.
If it helps for context, it is not my immediate (in my home) family, it is my parent.

Pick your moment , when u can b alone with them , when they r not busy or distracted , when they r not in a bad mood . Make sure u convince them of your genuine concern and affection for them , u care about them and u r worried for them . Tell them in a calm and precise way , what behaviours of theirs r worrying u . It helps if u can have some things already in your mind . If they keep interrupting u , plead with them to please listen to what u have to say , tell them that after u have spoken , u will listen quietly to them as they did to u .
U cannot help them very much if they do have a mental health problem , they will need to seek professional help . Make sure they know that u will stand by them and help them find the best help . Many people with mental health problems genuinely don't think they have a problem so , u have to b able to b very specific about the things that u think r wrong with them and tell them exactly which of their behaviours r concerning to u . Do everything calmly and with respect and affection . Think carefully about what u want to say to them and , choose your words very carefully , make sure u don't use very negative or insulting words , and don't speak to them as if u think that they r stupid , that will only annoy them . I hope everything goes according to plan .

 

[Suze]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have talked to other family members and am now aware that this behavior has been going on for 50+ years. I am very concerned of bipolar disorder and/or that my parent may just have a very manipulative personality. The best way I know how to help at this point is that I have had a letter drafted explaining behaviors through the years to give to my other parent to give to the primary care doctor before the next routine visit so the dr can know ahead of time to screen for mental illness and refer if needed. Keep praying for my family. Thank you all

My own mother has been ' unusual ' virtually all her life and , not in a good way . In 2012 my step dad told me that she was a narcissistic psycopath . I thought that he was just being rude about her because he was angry at her , I didn't realise that he actually meant it ! In 2023 she actually told me herself . This has been such a revelation to me and a weight lifted off of me . Finally to have an explanation for her behaviour ! It has helped me enormously , I've read a lot about it and the description is my mum exactly . I am now able to have a bit of sympathy and understanding for her and , I've been able to learn how to protect myself from her psychologically , which is something I never knew how to do until I knew about her diagnosis . I hope u and your parents can get this sorted and reach a place where u all feel comfortable and content with each other .

 

[MRBHFJ]

My own mother has been ' unusual ' virtually all her life and , not in a good way . In 2012 my step dad told me that she was a narcissistic psycopath . I thought that he was just being rude about her because he was angry at her , I didn't realise that he actually meant it ! In 2023 she actually told me herself . This has been such a revelation to me and a weight lifted off of me . Finally to have an explanation for her behaviour ! It has helped me enormously , I've read a lot about it and the description is my mum exactly . I am now able to have a bit of sympathy and understanding for her and , I've been able to learn how to protect myself from her psychologically , which is something I never knew how to do until I knew about her diagnosis . I hope u and your parents can get this sorted and reach a place where u all feel comfortable and content with each other .

Thank you so much for this! Yes, some long deep rooted things have come to surface as of lately and it might get ugly, but God will walk through all of it with us. I just pray that she will accept help.