Hi. New Here and searching for hope and advice.

[Punkinyy]

New to the site and looking for advice. Hope someone can Help?
I have been married for 11 years. We have a 3 year old daughter.
The entire time I have been married my husband has drank. Within the last 2 years it has gotten worse.
He works a full time job - He takes care of all the chores that need done around the house. I'm told this is
a "functional alcoholic". And he is awesome to our daughter.
A few weeks ago we got into a shouting match. He was drunk. A long story short - He hit me. This was the first and only time he has done this. I ended up with a black eye for a week. I called my parents, they came over, I stayed with them for a few days. I eventually went back to the house because my daughter was crying for her daddy and being that she is only 3, she doesn't understand. And again,
I will mention that he is awesome with her. The problem is ... he will not stop drinking. He will not get help. He won't even listen
to someone talk to him about the idea of going into rehab. I have even asked him instead of rehab to go to marriage counseling and he will not do that either. He tells me I have to forgive him for drinking. But I don't understand what he wants. He wants me to forgive him for drinking everyday ? He wants forgiveness for something he will knowingly do day after day after day ? He too is a religious man and actually spends a lot of time reading the bible. I just don't understand where we are going wrong. If he reads the bible and knows that drinking yourself into stupidity every night is wrong, why won't he get help ? We constantly fight and ever since the day he hit me we basically don't talk anymore. And when we do it always ends with him telling me that he will not stop drinking and will not get help and then tells me to "get over it or get out". How do I make him see that he needs to get help to get better. How do I make him see that what he is doing is hurting our family ? And that he needs to get help for the sake of our daughter. I know he loves her dearly. And I do believe that he loves me too. I just desperately want my old husband back, the one I fell in love with, the one that doesn't drink himself into a miserable crabby person every night. If anyone has any help or personal story they can share with me I would really appreciate it.

 

[Marionette]

Unfortunately I don't know how much comfort I can truly give here, aside from my husband was also a "functional alcoholic" but he was that way when I first met him. He drank consistently for many, many years before we met, and about five years after we had met, married, and had our first child. I prayed a lot, and we did talk about it every so often, he knew it bothered me, but didn't seem willing to quit. I did continue to pray, and didn't want to lose faith. I know that wasn't the person he wanted to be because it reminded him of how his father was. The day we found out we were pregnant with our second child, my prayers were answered. He quit drinking that day, its been over a year and a half now of complete sobriety.

Prayer, is the only thing I can suggest, though I am sure you have been praying. If he also believes in Christ, can you ask him to pray for the relationship between you two, as well as the relationship between both of you and God? If he would at least be open to prayer, well it would be a good step forward, and could cause a lot of doors to open in him.

Sorry if this wasn't terribly helpful, but I hope that somewhere maybe it was.

 

[Rach711]

Hi Punkinyy, I have experienced something similar with my husband, he was never a heavy drinker, but I noticed over several years that his moods and characteristics had changed, it would happen in waves of goods and downs, and with each wave the downs would stay that way for longer at get worse, he then started drinking a lot more and then get drunk quite often.
In the downs he became extremely verbally abusive and one time even went to a prostitute and would sometimes talk about suicide. Over the years I would try to talk to him and tell him that he had changed and that maybe he needed to get some help, maybe it was depression, but that made him angry and he would say he was tired and that it was us that all needed to change. He didnt see that depression is not a weakness but an illness (a chemical inbalance in the brain)
Things hit rock bottom when he in a drunken state made a noose and hung it round his neck, my son found him before he went through with anything. I called our pastors and they came straight out and stayed until he sobered, he had spoken with him about a place called beyond blue. At work the next day my husband looked up the website and did one of the questionaires on there, it advised him that he maybe suffering depression, was in a high catergory and needed to get immediate help. When he came home from work, he had told me that he had booked and appointment to see a doctor, I went with him and they ordered me to take him direct to the hospital, where they had a special care team come and talk to him, they set up a few appointments with him and booked him to see another dr who put him on medication straight away.
Thank God he is a different man and more like the one I used to know.
A long story but I wonder while reading your post if you husband may be suffering from something similar but doesn't recognise it???? You said that it has been worse after the last 2 years, has circumstances changed, work, family or otherwise??? Do you notice mood swings or how is his general state, does he often feel low???
Do you have a trusted friend who could talk to him. Often when it comes from the wife or direct family it inflames the situation.
Hang on to God Punkinyy, trust in Him, commit your husband to prayer everyday and will pray with you too.
Keep us posted.