I'm sorry to hear about your family, I can't imagine how it must be to live without your loved ones, and I pray that the Lord will continue to give you His strength.
I think we all struggle to understand faith, and everything that is related to God. - i for sure haven't figured it out yet. All I know it that He is real, Jesus died for me and that I am loved by them both. And that in itself is hard enough to grasp.