Hook, Line, and Sinker...getting men to take the bait.

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Sunflower90

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Some ladies were discussing whether or not or not it would be appropriate for a lady to tell a man she has a crush on how she feels about him. I think we are trained as women to let the guy take the lead in initiating relationships…and perhaps as a result of this training, I wouldn’t dream of telling a guy how I felt…mainly for one reason:

REJECTION.

I’m glad initiating is Not my role…You men don’t have it easy…

At the same time, it is hard as a woman to sit around and wait for him to WAKE UP.

Here is my question: Is there a way for a woman to be subtle enough in implying she is interested in a man without him feeling threatened?

Men seem to like the chase, but they don’t want to chase something they can’t catch. I think if you like a guy, ACT like you like him. Give him a look, a smile, BE ENCOURAGING.
 
I think men should always ask. I feel this way because God made the man to take the lead, to be the man, to pursue and women to be pursued. I could not respect a man that made me initiate the courtship, and so I never will do so. Just my thoughts.

I agree about encouraging if a man is pursuing you ONLY if the man is on fire and saved and you know that you know that you know that God has plans for you and he to be married one day. Don't encourage just because you're lonely or afraid you'll never marry. This is what many do...and divorce rates are proof of that.
 
I also wonder what men think of the story of Ruth? How she took initiative in the realationship
 
As a man, I have a few comments to make.

First of all, we're just as scared of rejection as you are. I have been rejected about eight times in the past six years, out of the nine times I've made my feelings knowns. At this point, if I have feelings for a woman, I'm so burnt that I won't even bother saying anything about it. The only reason I got together with my previous girlfriend is because a mutual friend found out I had feelings for her and told her. And she felt the same for me. In that situation I didn't actually have to admit anything to her directly.

Second of all, when it comes to telling how women feel about us, we guys are just stone dumb. I can't tell when a woman is being nice to me or when she's trying to get my interest. Again, I'm so burnt that I don't accept any kind of flirtation as anything but friendliness. If you like us, please please please just TELL us. Write a note, send an e-mail, do something. We guys don't like to be kept guessing. I'm not particularly patient when it comes to matters of the opposite gender and if you're not plain with me, I'm just gonna move on.

Third of all, I've never looked at Ruth from a relationships perspective, so I couldn't answer there. I read it like I do the rest of the Bible - a perspective where I attempt to learn what God wants in my life.
 
I have never faced rejection from a dating standard because I am waiting on God. He is the only one I trust with my future. Have I crushed on men in the past? Of course. Have I ever pursued? No. Do I have any regrets there? No. I feel that a great deal of issues are caused by us responding out of our feelings of attraction. I have said this often. I am waiting for God's best and I won't date the rest while I am waiting. I do not need to date to be in and experience love. I have Jesus. So I wait. I think that if you are questioning making feelings known to someone and God is not telling you to go for it, focus on Him and wait. Spare yourself pain and rejection by letting God have complete control. Trust me, He will make the choice clear.
 
mystdancer50 said:
I have never faced rejection from a dating standard because I am waiting on God. He is the only one I trust with my future. Have I crushed on men in the past? Of course. Have I ever pursued? No. Do I have any regrets there? No. I feel that a great deal of issues are caused by us responding out of our feelings of attraction. I have said this often. I am waiting for God's best and I won't date the rest while I am waiting. I do not need to date to be in and experience love. I have Jesus. So I wait. I think that if you are questioning making feelings known to someone and God is not telling you to go for it, focus on Him and wait. Spare yourself pain and rejection by letting God have complete control. Trust me, He will make the choice clear.
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That's what I think too, and I am in no hurry to get married. I've seen what it takes to make a marriage work, and it is A LOT. Two inherently sinful people getting together does not create heaven on earth... The ONLY thing that would convince me to marry is if I knew God wanted me to, and I loved that person more than I loved myself. Needless to say, I am not hunting ha ha.

I guess I'm thinking more about human nature in approaching relationships... for example, the first thing my friends seem to do when they like a guy is to become as platonic as possible. They become a brick wall, wanting to hide their true feelings because they are afraid they won't be reciprocated. Well, do they expect the man to realize that the reason they became a cold fish is because they actually likes them? Boys don't get that at all! I guess I'm saying that if you like a guy...show it. Be friendly...SMILE...admire him...say things that let him know you think he's a really-special-manly-sort-of-man. At the very least, remain approachable.

Like most Christians, I believe in “the one.” But that doesn’t mean that you won’t ever connect with someone who isn’t going to be your life-partner. Sometimes God puts people in our lives to help us grow… and I suppose I just wanted people to post practical advice for male-female communication, for information’s sake.

Anyway, I really don’t know much about the subject being 21 and all. In the realm of God’s Plan for choosing my spouse and whether or not my active participation is necessary for it to happen…I haven’t got a clue… I’m just trusting God and living my life.
 
If you want the guy to take the lead and feel uncomfortable asking him out to coffee or letting him know your feelings I think that's fine... but at least give the poor guy a chance to fall for you. Talk to him, try to hang out with him, tell him you enjoy his company or something.

There are ways to hint gently, hopefully he will get the hint and respond one way or another.
 
Some polite ways to let a guy know you're interested without becoming the pursuer:

When he looks your way, be looking back and smile at him

Strike up a conversation with him a couple of times. The more approachable and comfortable he feels talking with you, the easier it will be for him to let you know he's interested. Besides, FRIENDS FIRST is so important in a relationship.

Give him something inexpensive that lets him know you were thinking about him. A cd of an artist you know he likes or might like. A book you think he might like. Bake him something. :) Send him a thoughtful, BUT NOT STALKERESQUE, card telling him some of the things you respect and appreciate about him. Or give him something that you know will make him laugh.

Show him more attention than you do other guys in a way that lets him know he's special.

If he still doesn't catch on, there's nothing wrong with looking him in the eye, smiling your sweetest smile and telling him that you really enjoy spending time with him.

Casually asking a guy if he'd like to continue a conversation over coffee or ice cream is good too, once you've talked with one another a couple of times. Some of the really shy guys or guys who have been burned a time or two will really need you to be less subtle than others.

I think the bottom line for girls AND guys is to create a friendship with one another first just as you would with someone of your own gender and see how it goes before you try taking it to the next level. I have found this far preferable to dating someone straight out of the gate because feelings are spared if things aren't quite right.
 
Jullianna said:
Some polite ways to let a guy know you're interested without becoming the pursuer:

When he looks your way, be looking back and smile at him

Strike up a conversation with him a couple of times. The more approachable and comfortable he feels talking with you, the easier it will be for him to let you know he's interested. Besides, FRIENDS FIRST is so important in a relationship.

Give him something inexpensive that lets him know you were thinking about him. A cd of an artist you know he likes or might like. A book you think he might like. Bake him something. :) Send him a thoughtful, BUT NOT STALKERESQUE, card telling him some of the things you respect and appreciate about him. Or give him something that you know will make him laugh.

Show him more attention than you do other guys in a way that lets him know he's special.

If he still doesn't catch on, there's nothing wrong with looking him in the eye, smiling your sweetest smile and telling him that you really enjoy spending time with him.

Casually asking a guy if he'd like to continue a conversation over coffee or ice cream is good too, once you've talked with one another a couple of times. Some of the really shy guys or guys who have been burned a time or two will really need you to be less subtle than others.

I think the bottom line for girls AND guys is to create a friendship with one another first just as you would with someone of your own gender and see how it goes before you try taking it to the next level. I have found this far preferable to dating someone straight out of the gate because feelings are spared if things aren't quite right.
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Nope, I wouldn't catch on despite all of that. I'm too scared/burned. You'd still need to tell me straight out. XD
 
You should review old posts. This has been brought up a few times before. As such i'm not answering it again. o.o
 
Sunflower90 said:
Some ladies were discussing whether or not or not it would be appropriate for a lady to tell a man she has a crush on how she feels about him. I think we are trained as women to let the guy take the lead in initiating relationships…and perhaps as a result of this training, I wouldn’t dream of telling a guy how I felt…mainly for one reason:

REJECTION.

I’m glad initiating is Not my role…You men don’t have it easy…

At the same time, it is hard as a woman to sit around and wait for him to WAKE UP.

Here is my question: Is there a way for a woman to be subtle enough in implying she is interested in a man without him feeling threatened?

Men seem to like the chase, but they don’t want to chase something they can’t catch. I think if you like a guy, ACT like you like him. Give him a look, a smile, BE ENCOURAGING.
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I did a thread a while back on c.c., sunnyflower , on the guy's initiative responsibility for mentioning God in some way if he chance-meets you at a library, or, college, grocery store check-out line, or, wherever. In the poll, almost all guys, at some point, in this chance encounter (not first date) would tell you they believe in God.

Choices were:

A. 1 minute into conversation letting girl know he was a believer, either by flat-out asking her 'Do you believe in God?' or just a word , or phrase, that let the girl know he believed.

B. 2-5 minutes in

C. 10 minutes in (yeah, wow, you too REALLY hitting it off, LOL)

D. Never clue you they believe


Now, out of right around 20 responses , one guy said choice 'D,' they would never in the chance encounter conversation clue the girl that he was a believer in God.

One. of 20. Simple math. Even the green guy can do that :D

That's 95% , 'course the sample can be skewed since we are on a christian site, but, the reality remains, these guys on c.c. would tell you at some point.
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Now, that said, NOW is the time IF you see an obvious connection to HELP the guy along.

Some guys are so shy, suddenly, even the most brazen of unbashful fellows, like green :D , and, so what just a lady do...... What to do, what to do, in this one moment in time where Mr. Fabulous is right before your eyes ?

Pray. And, be doing it as you speak, because God will lead you right, and, what I would say for you to do in this chance encounter is PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to what he says and then don't just SMILE as you say, sunnyflower, but if he says something like:

'I got this scooter,' the guy says. 'It's the same color as your eyes, I think. Let me take a closer look. Yep.'

Don't JUST smile, or, sweet look at him. Say something to him, and, don't just say any thing, but some thing suggestive , 'encouraging, as you say, sunnyflower, but also 'suggestive.'

And, BE SUBTLE , let HIM initiate, just seriously help him along. In some way by saying some connective little comment , pique his interest, show, in words, that you want to do something with this guy, like:

'I got a scooter too.'. Or, say something like this, girls: 'Maybe I'd better see that scooter to make sure you're not lying (about it being the color of your eyes).'

Something, witty, something semi-commital.

Don't worry about the REJECTION, if it is to happen, your God KNOWS what (who, in this case) is best for you :). Put your whole faith in God, Phil. 4:7, His peace will transcend you, and, guys, of course, you need to understand potential REJECTION from the other side of the equation and realize God wanted you in this situation to grow you in Him, show you more of Him than you could see before :)
 
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Jullianna said:
Some polite ways to let a guy know you're interested without becoming the pursuer:

When he looks your way, be looking back and smile at him

Strike up a conversation with him a couple of times. The more approachable and comfortable he feels talking with you, the easier it will be for him to let you know he's interested. Besides, FRIENDS FIRST is so important in a relationship
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BTW, a good clue that you should try and strike up a conversation would be when you catch him looking at you and smiling.

As for girls pursuing guys or guys pursuing girls, I don't see anything biblically that suggests solely one or the other. Look at Adam and Eve, God brought Eve to Adam. He didn't have to go out and ask her if she would be his. Look at Isaac and Rebekah, Abraham sent a servant. Or as has already been mentioned, we have the example of Ruth.

I'm curious what has led MystDancer50 to believe that God made man to be the pursuer in a relationship. It seems to me that God brings people together. Love brings people together. Coming together doesn't require a pursuer, it's only when one of the two is separating themself that a pursuit seems necessary. But if one is separating themself, then how could it be love? Love brings people together.
 
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I can never tell if a girl is interested. The only time I know is when I'm with my sister & she points: that one, that one, that one... I just get a headache because... honestly can't read minds :( I never learned how. So if I go up & start asking girls I've known or spoken to occasionally for... what weeks or months? Would it be awkward to you ladies?
 
I don't read minds either. Please just tell me. Its saves alot of time and hassle in the long run. As for the story of ruth, that's my kind of woman. She considered her situation, decided what she wanted, she made sure he knew what she wanted, and then let boaz decide what he wanted and sort out the legal issues. Course if I remember correctly, her mother in law was playing match maker.
 
Chasing can be fun!! Well at least until she calls the cops. Then the fun kind of takes a high dive off a pier after that.
 
Re: Hook, Line, and Sinker...getting men to take the bait.

this title keeps catching my eye...


I don't bait my men, they tend to bite..........

and if you use a hook to rile them in, eventually you will have to let them go free or watch them die dangling from that line.....

Personally I don't like playing mind games and when I meet my husband he was didn't want to deal with them either.

I told him the strangest worst things about myself I could think and watched to see if he would love me despite of it. I did the opposite of what people told me that you should do, which is try and make a good impression. I wasn't mean or anything but I was myself without the fear that he would judge me because I found that if the person is worth keeping, he will love you no matter if you have makeup on, sick as a dog and look a mess.

I don't know I hope everyone finds someone they can love with no strings or conditions attached to that love. My husband has told me " I don't like you right now, but I still love you." when we have had our disagreements (which happens to everyone)

Recently, he tends to get mad at me because I forget to move the car up all the way and he has to ride his bike in the grass because I didn't leave enough pavement. I chalk up his grumpiness to lack of sleep and working overtime on night shift for the last couple months.

courtship is a dance and each is unique to the couple but the questions I asked myself were:

1. could i marry this guy?

2. would he make a good dad?

3. do we value the same things? Does He believe in God?

Yes I know God should be first but that topic doesn't always come up right away. so if the answer to number one is NO then I just put him in the friends box. If the answer to 2 is NO then I do the same, but number 3 takes a while to learn. someone could be attractive and make a good dad but not believe in God and not value the same things.

just by learning if you are compatible the guy will figure out you are interested. lol most guys change the topic from child-raising if they aren't interested in you in that way. Unless they have kids themselves.

either way just trying to get to know the person on a deeper level is always good because then you will gain a friend even if they aren't interested in you in that way.
 
I think I understand but its still not easy, the fear of rejection.

But I remember I watched a National Geographic episode about a type of dancing bird. The bird sets up a clean dancing area & even sweeps the dance floor, to attract a mate (I think it was the masculine that danced). Well a potential mate shows up & he dances his best ever & she isn't impressed... she leaves & not a minute passes before he just gets back to bettering his dance floor & trying to improve his dance. :) The bird just moved on. So if I get rejected I should just move on & not fear.
 
MrHonest said:
I think I understand but its still not easy, the fear of rejection.

But I remember I watched a National Geographic episode about a type of dancing bird. The bird sets up a clean dancing area & even sweeps the dance floor, to attract a mate (I think it was the masculine that danced). Well a potential mate shows up & he dances his best ever & she isn't impressed... she leaves & not a minute passes before he just gets back to bettering his dance floor & trying to improve his dance. :) The bird just moved on. So if I get rejected I should just move on & not fear.
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Yes. But dreading rejection can go both ways, by which I mean that it's not easy, for some girls, to be rejecting anybody. I have met girls who struck me as very cold-hearted, who made guys feel bad for asking them out.

But guys have feelings, that should not be purposefully hurt or treated with contempt... if a girl is harsh or cruel when she turns you down, she didn't deserve your interest in the first place.
 
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