A
Ayan0512
Guest
For several days now, I have succumbed to extreme anger. An anger that put me in a self-destruction mode. I ranted, I drank, I cried, I hurt people, just because I was so unhappy and I was so angry. At the end of it, did I get any satisfaction? Not really. I was left deflated, more alone than ever and desolate. My mind is telling me to get a hold of myself, but sometimes, it takes a great amount of pain and suffering to realize that you don't really hurt those who hurt you by letting yourself down, instead there is one person you are hurting the most, and that person is you.
So starting today, I will get a grip. If there was a group for anger management, I would go to that group, so I can put my anger energy to better use. Like writing, or going back to work (did I say, I have filed for SL for several days now, already?), or fixing myself so that I become a better person, or jog every morning (I started this morning, btw), or make sure to stay fit. I could take better care of myself, because I am a creation of God, and beautiful and blessed, just as He meant me to be.
Forgiveness...
The only problem is forgiveness. How do I forgive? Am I ready? Who am I hurting if I don't forgive? Seems I am hurting myself more than the person who has hurt me by not having a forgiving heart. So, I guess, the answer is obvious. I will forgive and move on. Forgive and forget.
Pain...
The pain... ah, the pain will stay for a while, but if I have managed to conquer anger and forgiveness, I'm sure the pain will stay in the sidelines.
Love...
I need to love myself more than the people who has caused me pain. And loving myself means, taking better care of me and learning to treat myself better than how others treat me. Learning to forgive myself for my limitations and accepting them for they are a part of me. Best of all divert love to all friends and family who has given me support and love amidst this trial. I cannot express how thankful I am for the family's support. For letting me vent out my pain in the past days, for not judging me and for loving me unconditionally. Love, love, love...
Lesson learned...
That just because a door is closed, doesn't mean your house is deserted. Your soul is inside, and if you learn to open your windows, you will have allowed light to come in and feed your soul. Love is all around you, you just need to look further than your pain. Love is greater than your loss, and redemption is found everywhere you turn, if you just care enough to look.