How can i heal, what should i do?

[MotherOfTwoJRF]

I have been with the father of my children for 4 years and we have 2 lil boys together. Our second son was just born Oct 15th 2012. A couple days ago. I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me, the whole pregnancy with someone from his job. He has gotten her pregnant twice. I'm so hurt. The fact that he cheated, I can't look,kiss,hug,or even have sexual relations with him. Just the thought of sex, breaks my heart. How could I build the strength to forgive him and mend our family back together?

 

[Indubitably]

I thought of many things as I read your post. Your boyfriend probably just doesn't feel like you are a family because other than your shared children, you and he have no permanent connection. Being a dad is not the same as being a husband. Does he have responsibilities to you and the kids? Does he need to love you and be faithful to you? Of course he does. But making a family with children outside of a marriage is a huge risk and many men just don't believe it's a permanent commitment.

You both need Jesus in your lives. He is the only one that can heal and make sense of this mess. I'm going to pray for you now and will continue to pray. Please pray and seek God for your life. Read the Bible, especially the book of John. Then look at these scriptures:

Love is Awesome​

“Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” 1Corinthians 13:4-8​

Marriage is a Covenant – so God is Part of Every Marriage
“… the LORD hath been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.” Malachi 2:14​

God Joins the Couple Together so their Sexual Intimacy is not Sinful
“What therefore God has joined together, do not let man put asunder (separate).” Mark 10:9​

Pray, seek God, read His Word and Commit yourself to the Lord. We'll keep praying and see what God does.​

Father, In Jesus' name, I ask that you draw MotherOfTwo to You and intervene in her situation with her boyfriend. His adultery is hurting her and their children. Lord we know that you have a plan and an answer for her, if she is obediant to you. Bring salvation to both of them and convict this man of his sin and show him the hurt and pain he is causing the family that he created. I pray your blessing on this home and we seek your will in all of this.
In Jesus' name, Amen. ​

I will continue to pray.​

 

[Missfoxieloxie]

I will be praying for you especially through the holidays.

 

[servantotehmosthigh]

I thought of many things as I read your post. Your boyfriend probably just doesn't feel like you are a family because other than your shared children, you and he have no permanent connection. Being a dad is not the same as being a husband. Does he have responsibilities to you and the kids? Does he need to love you and be faithful to you? Of course he does. But making a family with children outside of a marriage is a huge risk and many men just don't believe it's a permanent commitment.

You both need Jesus in your lives. He is the only one that can heal and make sense of this mess. I'm going to pray for you now and will continue to pray. Please pray and seek God for your life. Read the Bible, especially the book of John. Then look at these scriptures:

Love is Awesome​

“Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” 1Corinthians 13:4-8​

Marriage is a Covenant – so God is Part of Every Marriage
“… the LORD hath been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.” Malachi 2:14​

God Joins the Couple Together so their Sexual Intimacy is not Sinful
“What therefore God has joined together, do not let man put asunder (separate).” Mark 10:9​

Pray, seek God, read His Word and Commit yourself to the Lord. We'll keep praying and see what God does.​

Father, In Jesus' name, I ask that you draw MotherOfTwo to You and intervene in her situation with her boyfriend. His adultery is hurting her and their children. Lord we know that you have a plan and an answer for her, if she is obediant to you. Bring salvation to both of them and convict this man of his sin and show him the hurt and pain he is causing the family that he created. I pray your blessing on this home and we seek your will in all of this.
In Jesus' name, Amen. ​

I will continue to pray.​

If you don't mind if I piggy back but this is right on point. In spite of this situation both of you have to be willing to address the problem in which you both have to come to an agreement to start over and put the past behind BUT by first establishing a relationship with Christ and the Father. I know from experience from the 10 year relationship I have with and how our love grew stronger because he both attain a personal relationship with Christ and the father in which no man or situation could separate us from. Living peaceably as husband and wife, requires you to be of the same loving spirit because together you are ONE. Matt 19:4-6

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

[jenny85]

Just keep praying sweety it will work out for the best

 

[BarlyGurl]

I am sorry for your hurt. I am wondering though... how is it you have an expectation of "marriage faithfulness" when you are not married?? You call him your boyfriend so plainly... you understand there is a difference in the two being boyfriend and girlfriend and being husband and wife. Your profile says your are a christian... do you know the bible instructs christians to NOT have sex outside of marriage? Do you know that God calls sex outside of marriage a SIN? Are you concerned about whether or not you are sinning? Can you tell us what being a christian means to you? It would help us help you if you can spend some time answering the questions I have asked, could you do that please?

~Barly

 

[shekaniah]

I agree with most of the other posts...
I think you should go to counceling.
I will pray as God leads my heart.
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah

 

[dmdave17]

I am sorry for your hurt. I am wondering though... how is it you have an expectation of "marriage faithfulness" when you are not married?? You call him your boyfriend so plainly... you understand there is a difference in the two being boyfriend and girlfriend and being husband and wife. Your profile says your are a christian... do you know the bible instructs christians to NOT have sex outside of marriage? Do you know that God calls sex outside of marriage a SIN? Are you concerned about whether or not you are sinning? Can you tell us what being a christian means to you? It would help us help you if you can spend some time answering the questions I have asked, could you do that please?

~Barly

Wow! I find this post a little harsh, but I believe that it contains the roadmap for your recovery from your predicament.

First, Barly is absolutely right. You cannot expect God to react with a great deal of compassion to a situation which you have created yourself. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction..." (Galatians 6:7-8) You sowed a life of extramarital sex; now you are reaping the results when it occurred with someone else.

But this can be your salvation. The Apostle, John, tells us, " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) I would suggest that you humble yourself before Him, honestly confess your sins, ask His forgiveness and honestly ask for His direction and help. And be prepared to accept His will, no matter what that may be. Chances are HE will not put things back "the way they were".

You have an opportunity to put your past behind you. You can start fresh, with or without your current "partner". You can rebuild your life based on biblical principles and follow God's teaching. Scripture assures that our God is a God of fresh starts. "‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." (Ezekiel 33:11)

God understands. We have Christ, who experienced the sames things all humans do, interceding for us. God forgives. But we must repent and be prepared to take our lives in a different direction. It seems to me that you have the perfect chance to do just that.

God be with you in your struggles.

 

[spirit1st]

I would say FAST !water only three days praying for GOD to help you get though it ! Read the bible and then you will Hear GOD clearly and ASK HIM what to do ! listen many pray and never Wait for GOD to answer!

Isa_58:6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Isa 58:8 Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy rereward.

Isa 58:9 Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am.

I told a old catholic lady about fasting ! She said she obeyed the priests all her life time since a child and never heard GOD ! This did this and Heard HIM WELL !

 

[Jenjoy]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I am mortified when I hear stories like yours. There are many innocent children involved. P lease get counseling and distance your self from this man. I don't want to hurt you , but he's disgusting and you can do better I'm sure. Yes your heartbroken, but imagine what it will be like in 5 years and yo u find out how many children from different women he has. If it'm were up to me men like t h is would not be able to reproduce. Take yourself and your beautiful children and get away from t h is pig. Sorry to be so harsh.

 

[Stephen63]

I am sorry for your hurt. I am wondering though... how is it you have an expectation of "marriage faithfulness" when you are not married?? You call him your boyfriend so plainly... you understand there is a difference in the two being boyfriend and girlfriend and being husband and wife. Your profile says your are a christian... do you know the bible instructs christians to NOT have sex outside of marriage? Do you know that God calls sex outside of marriage a SIN? Are you concerned about whether or not you are sinning? Can you tell us what being a christian means to you? It would help us help you if you can spend some time answering the questions I have asked, could you do that please?

~Barly

I wholeheartedly agree. I don't know which blows me away the most......... women's threads on their problems while they are "shacking up" with their boyfriends, or those who seem to show compassion, but really don't, because they refuse to address the real problem. Shacking up is adultery, yet only two people pointed it out. The REAL problem is that you have brought two kids into this world without a marriage relationship, being raised by a daddy who by example will teach them it's all right to runaround on their mama. You're only looking at half the problem...... you're the other half. You allowed this to happen just as much as he did. A little leaven leavens the whole lump...... when you sow adultery, you will reap adultery. I hate to say it, but what you started has come back to bite you.

However, I am not without compassion. First, you are to repent of your sins and show fruits of that repentance by leaving your boyfriend. He has proven he cannot be trusted. The information you have on him is only what you have heard so far. Who knows what else he's done. God will show you mercy, and He will forgive you and help you to live the right life. He will show you grace for His own name's sake. He will also help you to raise your boys.
Trust in Him; He loves you and will never fail you. This is where the healing begins.

 

[Jenjoy]

Stephan63 I agree with you and the others. I'm glad they pointed that out. However I lived with my husband for a while before we were married, no we didn't have kids but it could have happened. So my concern . is she get her life together take the kids and get the heck out of dodge before it's worse. Chances are the dude won't change. If you read these posts please get out of this relationship , repent to GOD. It will take time but you will be happy again.

 

[Tommy4Christ]

I have been with the father of my children for 4 years and we have 2 lil boys together. Our second son was just born Oct 15th 2012. A couple days ago. I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me, the whole pregnancy with someone from his job. He has gotten her pregnant twice. I'm so hurt. The fact that he cheated, I can't look,kiss,hug,or even have sexual relations with him. Just the thought of sex, breaks my heart. How could I build the strength to forgive him and mend our family back together?

I know what I am about to say will be a hard pill to swallow for you.

Do you consider yourself a born again Chriistian? I ask this because of what you wrote if I understand you correctally, you say this man is your boyfriend?? And he is having children with another woman??

This is a very dangerious situation for you and your family, you must think of your children, and your eternal life, you are in great sin and bondage, and must repent and seek the mercy of God, cleanse your heart, and run from your boyfriend, he is evil, and his god is the god of this evil world.

Plus the fact that you are not married really disturbs me, especially when you have young children who witness this immorality and blatant rebellion towards God, but there is hope for you and your family, and this is in repentance and brokeness, its not too late, but you must repent of your sinful life, get right with God, seek His mercy and strength, and He will lead you out of your bondage.

I hope you do not belong to a church that tells you its ok for you to have children out of wedlock, and you need to get right with God first, then raise your children in a godly home, even if you have to do it alone, God will supply all your needs, but you have your part to do.

ITS NOT TOO LATE!​

2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slow concerning His promise, as some count slowness, but is long-suffering toward us, not purposing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.​

As long as mankind has breath repentance can be found, yes I mean found, it usually doesn’t come until the sinning soul breaks down, yielding to the holy word of God, through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, who is convicting the world of sin, righteousness, and judgment!
Joh 16:8 And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:
Joh 16:9 Of sin, because they believe not on me;
Joh 16:10 Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more;
Joh 16:11 Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged.
Now many will say repentance comes after the conversion, or somewhere down the road since stopping any sin is impossible, since mankind is depraved and unable.
But God is not mocked, God is still waiting patiently for His wayward creation to repent, forsake their sins, which mean they stop first, and then seek His mercy, broken as a wild horse, now useful to His master. He gave them free will and ability to choose to repent or not.
Rom 2:4 Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, and the forbearance and long-suffering, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
If your life is a mess, and you are living the lie, that tells your conscience you can sin and live of the world and still be saved, and in bondage to your flesh, giving into temptation whenever it comes knocking at your door, just remember it’s not God condoning your bad conduct, but your conscience becoming seared to the point that real repentance and faith will not be found, it will be too late, His great mercy and kindness will not last for long!
So it’s not too late for those who still have breath, and are ready to stop playing Russian roulette with the patients and mercy of God, this is not a game, this is life or death, for all eternity, repent before it’s too late and God says time is up.
Tommy 12-27-12
The Biblical Characteristics of True Repentance: (as taught by early church and Apostles) 2Cor7:10-11 “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.”
For True Repentance to have Taken Place the following MUST have Occurred:
1) Season of Deep felt Godly Sorrow for sin. (Invoked by Spirit of Truth working, Jh16:8)
2) A Crisis of Conviction that Cuts to the heart! (Sin already being forsaken!)
3) A Zeal to CLEAR oneself of all Wrong Doing against God. (make restitution if necessary)
4) Indignation and Fear that leads to Vehement Desire to STOP Sinning!
5) Vindication and Finally PURITY of heart!
Every incident of Repentance in Scripture Follows this PROCESS. (DON’T Let anyone tell you it Doesn’t, and they will MOST certainly Try!) The Sin STOPS HERE, The Old Man DIES here, The Flesh is Crucified HERE! NOT Afterwards. The Desires and Conduct are CHANGED here. (Or never will be!)
OBEDIENCE to God follows in NEWNESS of Life and All things New! (Rom6:4-6, 2Cor5:17) If you have NOT Experienced this and have NO IDEA what it means, you are NOT BORN of the SPIRIT!!!
You may indeed have ‘RECEIVED’ Christ, and ‘Believed’ on His Name (repeated some words) BUT the Devils ALSO Believe! (James2:19) If a Person is SAVED by What he DOES and NOT by Faith Alone! (as James affirms, JS 2:24) The What he DOES PART, STARTS with This REPENTANCE!
I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds! Acts26:20
Courtesy standingthegap.org

 

[shekaniah]

John 8:7
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

I come here to pray for people, God knows their heart and where they are in their relationship with him.
Jesus had compassion for sinners...I try to have the mind of Christ.
We don't know how much scripture the people who come on here know and understand.

Romans 3:20
Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
Romans 5:19
For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.



In his encounter with the woman at the well, Jesus broke three Jewish customs: first, he spoke to a woman; second, she was a Samaritan woman, a group the Jews traditionally despised; and third, he asked her to get him a drink of water, which would have made him ceremonially unclean from using her cup or jar. This shocked the woman at the well.
Then Jesus told the woman he could give her "living water" so that she would never thirst again. Jesus used the words living water to refer to eternal life, the gift that would satisfy her soul's desire only available through him. At first, the Samaritan woman did not fully understand Jesus' meaning. Although they had never met before, Jesus revealed that he knew she had had five husbands and was now living with a man who was not her husband. Jesus now had her attention!

I lift up these women to Jesus, it is His place to work in their hearts not mine.
My understanding is not perfect, Jesus can work in their lives.
Throwing stones of judgement is not what he called me to do.
Teaching about the free gift of salvation and to pray for sinners.
Change comes when the truth in love is revealed through a relationship with Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

 

[SPUZIT]

Dear motherof2 my heart goes out to you as well as my prayers, listen to adubality I think her advice the whole post, was right on for you, just know God never looks back, he is always taking us forward.you have 2 children. Focus on them & your faith are whatelse fallows, you never know how God maybe working in your boyfriends life. Keep your faith strong for you & your boys. Your boyfriend may come around .pray pray pray.God bless you....stay close to your chrich, friends, family & hug your kids a little closer.God loves you, he will never ever leave you, nor disappointed you or take you where his grace &promises can not reach & keep you. I'll. Pray you & all your concerns ate held in the gentel hands of God....

 

[SPUZIT]

I just stopped to read the after post's. I do this after I read motherof2's post & replief first. My point in all, all is that why ate we casting stones at this young mom with a broken heart. We are all sinners... some peoples sin are visual like a smoke signal & some peoples sins are hidden in a closet only seen by God. Cast the first stone..... otherwise give advice,,,encouragement, ,,& above all,,,,LOVE!!!!!

 

[Mike98]

I am sorry about all that hang in there and god bless

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

The fact that he cheated, I can't look,kiss,hug,or even have sexual relations with him.

And you shouldn't. Unless you two get married and make a commitment for life. Although by what you said about him, you should think well before you would consider doing that.

 

[Kate913]

I have been with the father of my children for 4 years and we have 2 lil boys together. Our second son was just born Oct 15th 2012. A couple days ago. I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me, the whole pregnancy with someone from his job. He has gotten her pregnant twice. I'm so hurt. The fact that he cheated, I can't look,kiss,hug,or even have sexual relations with him. Just the thought of sex, breaks my heart. How could I build the strength to forgive him and mend our family back together?

Motheroftwo,
Do not be worried about how to mend your family, but rather your boyfriends and your childrens souls. Is your he in the lord? If not it says do not be unequally yoked. If he is then perhaps he needs rebuked by a man or shown in the word how he is in error. Your children need a godly man that is a good example to them of how they should obey God, and if your bf isn't willing to be that then your going to have to really fight with your emotions and consider what kind of family you really want. As far as forgiving this man, though it may be hard, your going to have to put your emotions aside and stop thinking of how he has wronged you, but how he has wronged God. God hurts for him so much more then we could be. Care about his soul and forgive him, because the word says that if we don't forgive our brothers, we won't be forgiven. Be in constant prayerr and let God direct your path.
With Christs Love,
Kate

 

[BarlyGurl]

I just stopped to read the after post's. I do this after I read motherof2's post & replief first. My point in all, all is that why ate we casting stones at this young mom with a broken heart. We are all sinners... some peoples sin are visual like a smoke signal & some peoples sins are hidden in a closet only seen by God. Cast the first stone..... otherwise give advice,,,encouragement, ,,& above all,,,,LOVE!!!!!

SPUZIT you have some contextual theology problems. Nobody is CASTING STONES, that is a warping of scripture... the term CASTING STONES is a reference to STONING TO DEATH which is judgement with CONDEMNATION TO DEATH. I didn't read any posts where anyone was condemning her to DEATH... many posters have pointed out to her... the folly of her ways and pointed her in the right direction to correct her errors. THIS IS LOVE IN ACTION, GIVING GOOD ADVICE, ENCOURAGEMENT for her future... NOT CASTING STONES.