Hello, fellow Singles!!
Just thought I'd ask for some advice from everyone out there in being able to discern when someone is telling the truth or not, whether in real life, or, most especially, online, since we all know it can be easier to make things up about who you are online than in everyday life.
I know some people will say that EVERYONE out there is lying and not who they really claim to be, but happily, I've found this isn't always true. I have always loved writing letters and had pen pals from childhood. Throughout the years, I met several people I wrote, including a pen pal from Japan. Last year, I was privileged to meet a dear friend from this site, and we had an absolute blast, whether living it up on roller coasters or singing along with worship at her church.
However, there are some bad experiences as well. I am on two Christian dating sites and someone very seemingly nice with extremely good-looking pictures started sending me messages and initiating conversations. I told him from the start that I wasn't interested in dating him (being 35 at the time, I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone 23, but that's just me) but said it was fine if he wanted to talk.
We started talking about our lives... and eventually he said he had an issue bothering him and felt comfortable talking to me about it if I didn't mind. After some discussion, I told him I knew some elders at my church would might be able to offer more guidance, and offered to get their numbers for him. This must have broken down some kind of wall, because he finally said, "Kim, I can't believe you actually want to help instead of making fun of me or condemning me... You've been so open with me, I really need to tell you something."
The long story short is that, his entire profile was made up. He was not whom he claimed to be--he was a different age, lived in a different state, was not the person in the pictures, and was MARRIED. He tried to tell me his wife knew he was talking to me because they had few Christian friends. I told him, I understand trying to make friends, but being married and trying to find them on dating sites is not the way to do it. I immediately broke contact, deleted my account, and left the site.
I was immensely upset. Now, I am not perfect in any way, shape, or form, but one thing I do stand by is that I tell God EVERYTHING, and, out of extreme anger, I told Him, "Lord, I am SO FED UP with all of this. Anyone you send to me... I am going to ask you to cut their heart open and bleed it out right in front of me from the beginning, because you know I will tell them to do the same with me! I am SICK of people thinking they can get away with lying about who they really are!!!" I regularly pray that God will keep me honest with other people... and other people honest with me. It sometimes takes years... but I have seen many incidences in my life where God answers this prayer--in both directions.
My personal experience is that if I want other people to be honest with me, I HAVE to be honest with other people first, even if I get hurt.
Maybe I was just plain stupid. I'm very trusting by nature, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt, probably to a fault. So... help a fellow Christian out here and, if you are willing, please share your thoughts, stories, and advice. Have similar thing things happened to you? How have you handled it, and how did you let go of the feelings of betrayal and anger?
How can you tell if a person is being REAL or cranking out LIES???!!! And how do you ever come to a point of trusting someone enough to meet them or allow them into your life after you've been burned?
Looking forward to hearing your answers... God bless!!
P.S. The poll is anonymous--no one will know how you answered--and multiple choice. Feel free to check all that apply.
Just thought I'd ask for some advice from everyone out there in being able to discern when someone is telling the truth or not, whether in real life, or, most especially, online, since we all know it can be easier to make things up about who you are online than in everyday life.
I know some people will say that EVERYONE out there is lying and not who they really claim to be, but happily, I've found this isn't always true. I have always loved writing letters and had pen pals from childhood. Throughout the years, I met several people I wrote, including a pen pal from Japan. Last year, I was privileged to meet a dear friend from this site, and we had an absolute blast, whether living it up on roller coasters or singing along with worship at her church.
However, there are some bad experiences as well. I am on two Christian dating sites and someone very seemingly nice with extremely good-looking pictures started sending me messages and initiating conversations. I told him from the start that I wasn't interested in dating him (being 35 at the time, I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone 23, but that's just me) but said it was fine if he wanted to talk.
We started talking about our lives... and eventually he said he had an issue bothering him and felt comfortable talking to me about it if I didn't mind. After some discussion, I told him I knew some elders at my church would might be able to offer more guidance, and offered to get their numbers for him. This must have broken down some kind of wall, because he finally said, "Kim, I can't believe you actually want to help instead of making fun of me or condemning me... You've been so open with me, I really need to tell you something."
The long story short is that, his entire profile was made up. He was not whom he claimed to be--he was a different age, lived in a different state, was not the person in the pictures, and was MARRIED. He tried to tell me his wife knew he was talking to me because they had few Christian friends. I told him, I understand trying to make friends, but being married and trying to find them on dating sites is not the way to do it. I immediately broke contact, deleted my account, and left the site.
I was immensely upset. Now, I am not perfect in any way, shape, or form, but one thing I do stand by is that I tell God EVERYTHING, and, out of extreme anger, I told Him, "Lord, I am SO FED UP with all of this. Anyone you send to me... I am going to ask you to cut their heart open and bleed it out right in front of me from the beginning, because you know I will tell them to do the same with me! I am SICK of people thinking they can get away with lying about who they really are!!!" I regularly pray that God will keep me honest with other people... and other people honest with me. It sometimes takes years... but I have seen many incidences in my life where God answers this prayer--in both directions.
My personal experience is that if I want other people to be honest with me, I HAVE to be honest with other people first, even if I get hurt.
Maybe I was just plain stupid. I'm very trusting by nature, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt, probably to a fault. So... help a fellow Christian out here and, if you are willing, please share your thoughts, stories, and advice. Have similar thing things happened to you? How have you handled it, and how did you let go of the feelings of betrayal and anger?
How can you tell if a person is being REAL or cranking out LIES???!!! And how do you ever come to a point of trusting someone enough to meet them or allow them into your life after you've been burned?
Looking forward to hearing your answers... God bless!!
P.S. The poll is anonymous--no one will know how you answered--and multiple choice. Feel free to check all that apply.
Relationship Killer.