How do I tell him?

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River_W

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I would definitely appreciate some advice!

There's this guy who REALLY likes me. No, actually he's definitely in love with me. I don't feel the chemistry and would just rather be friends. I've known him for about 4 months, and he's already starting his sentences with, "Say, hypothetically, we got married," or "If we had children..." I keep telling him that he's thinking way to far into the future and I could never predict what would happen in those situations. I sat down and had the "God talk" with him, and told him that I am a passionate Christian, and that I am God's before I am his. He insists that we are headed in the same direction, but as much as he tells me he is, he is obviously not Christian. He told me that he wants to control his own life and feels that my allowing God to take control of my life is hindering my own choices. (Which is entirely untrue!) He thinks our differences makes us compatible. I call it conflicting.

I don't like being extremely blunt with people, because I feel like I'm hurting their feelings. So gently, I have been telling him that anything past friendship is probably not going to work right now. Then he seems to fall more deeply in love and tries harder to get me! WHY? I can tell he's not really listening when I talk about God anymore, which is really saddening. I would like to see him know Christ.

Would it be mean of me to flat out tell him that I can't consider dating him because he's not Christian? (If I'm ever called out of singlehood, having the guy be Christian is extremely important to me.) I already know that he'll be quite heartbroken because he doesn't take rejection well, but is there a way to do this without risking our friendship?

Thank you for any advice you may have!

In Christ,
River
 
I would have a serious talk with him that you simply don't want to date him. There's no helping it if you don't feel the same way as he does and he should understand that. If he doesn't, just another reason he isn't the right man for you. He sounds clingy and I know you said you don't like to be blunt but I'm thinking that you're going to have to be blunt with him because he'll hurt no matter what. Just give him the talk gently but straightforward. I think he needs that. I'll pray for you. Stay strong, girl!
 
Being direct isn't a bad thing. It can be if not done properly, but its a good thing. I'm known for being direct, sometimes people don't like it, but a lot of people appreciate it. They don't have to wonder where they stand with me or what i think of a subject. But there is nothing unloving or unchristian or mean about being direct.
You can be direct and nice. Just sit this guy down and flatly state to him.. i appreciate your interest in me, but i need to let you know, it is not going to happen. Period. You would be best to move on and find someone who shares your attraction. If you continue to persist pursuing me, then i will have to cut off all connect with you and stop talking.
There is a nice, direct and with a sense of finality way of getting your point across to this guy.
 
River, I agree with Livi and Ugly, and I'd mention it to the guy (I shall call him James :)) the next time Jesus comes up. Actually, bring Him up specifically, the next time you see him if possible so this situation doesn't drag out any more. When James says that he can't let God be in charge of His life, tell him that that's why you can't be more than friends with him, because Jesus is so important to you. I'd even explain the reasons more specifically, about you appreciating what Jesus did on the cross for you; that that's why you want to follow Him, and, if needed, even tell James that he needs to stop mentioning a romantic relationship if he wants to stay friends at all. It actually might do him some good; it'd likely get his attention, and might make him think (even if he doesn't say it), "Wow, there must be something even nicer about this girl than I realized; she must have a source of peace that I don't, if she's passing up a relationship because she doesn't think it's God's will" :).
 
River,

I would let the guy know exactly why you would rather be friends. Start by telling him the things that you have enjoyed about your friendship. I wouldn't tell him you can't date him because he's not a Christian but I would tell him that you have different views that you're not willing to compromise on. If you tell him he's not a Christian it might discourage him from ever trying to be better and come more into the the faith. Not to say that you should lie to him or aid in his deception of being a Christian. You want to make sure that the faith, apart from your relationship is not affected negatively. It seems like he has an infatuation with you which is not healthy. In the end your friendship might be broken. You may have to end communication with him for him to really get the message. But I've found through personal experience that even if that friendship be broken you will find a better, lifelong one that will fill you with everything you need.

Good luck and God Bless,
Corey :)
 
I agree with the others. You've tried subtlety. Some guys really do get it, but will take advantage of our desire to want to be nice to press us for more.

I would straight up tell him that you consider him a friend, but that you really don't see yourself being with anyone right now. I would also say that when the times comes to be with someone, that person will need to be a christian. If he still can't accept that, you may need to limit communication with him until he understands that you mean what you say.
 
RIVER PLEASE DATE ONLY CHRISTIANS ONLY SCRIPTURE SAYS DO NOT BE UN+ly YOKED WITH UNBELIVERS AT ALL EVER TELL HIM THATS WHY YOU CAN"T DATE CAUSE IT IS AGIANIST GODS WORD><
 
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