How do you know when you are ready...

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I am thinking as I read these posts. YOU may be 100% ready to move on and have a relationship with a man/woman?

You must remember the other person needs to understand also about MONEY, Bills, He/she want this, I GOT TO HAVE IT!, you both may call yourselves christians and still have different thoughts about doctrine. Parents move into the FAMILY. Jobs, Time, House chores? Shoping, FRIENDS, all of the things I mentioned play a big part in a marriage.

Love is a wonderful thing. But, to have a marriage that last all these things must be worked out. When you get serious these things should be discussed. I still WANT this or THAT and my wife says we can't afford it!

These things don't go away, because you move into a nice warm bed, and don't feel alone.

I said all of that to say LOVE is worth it.
 
BananaPie said:
...As for the OP, before committing your heart to a healthy relationship, how about the equivalency: wait 1 year for every 3 years you were married? :)
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That sounds like the formula promoted by Divorce Care. Divorce Care is an awesome program - I totally agree with the "heal first, date later" approach. I know I shared personal things here, but my question is really more general. I didn't make this post to declare myself "on the market." :D
Primrose said:
for a relationship?
- I don't know. I May or may not ready. All I know is that I need to depend my life and love life to the Lord. I know that His plan for me is always the best.

When is one ready for another relationship after a divorce, the death of a spouse, or a personal tragedy?
- God heals our broken hearts and soul. Leave everything to God and Let Him work in your life.

There are some emotional scars that people will carry with them for the rest of their lives. How does one know when one is healed enough to pursue a relationship? or mature enough? We probably all know people who are not ready for a relationship for whatever reason. We may even say such things about ourselves.
- When you can laugh at it (the pain of the past). When you begin to overcome the bitterness and resentment and felt peace inside. I think That's when you knew that you are healed.

And these things may even be true for a while. But how long? I will always have a sense of regret for my own contributions to a bad marriage. I forgave myself. I forgave my ex wife - I've even prayed for her. I've allowed God to heal me - to get rid of anger...of feelings of abandonment. I've gone from being repulsed by the idea of dating, to reluctantly dating a little bit before I was ready to, to being totally open to the possibility of meeting someone special. I'm wondering when that happened - it's not like I woke up one day saying "I'm ready for a relationship!" when I hadn't felt that way the day before.
- I see that there's still guilt within you brother or perhaps a feeling of resentment. You need to be freed from it. Ask God for healing and acceptance. It is the first step that you must do before going for a new relationship.

God bless!
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I was using something from my own life as an example in my OP. Expressing regret over a marriage that didn't work out is different that feeling guilt or resentment. I believed in "till death do us part" (still do) and was fully determined to work on our issues. I think that looking at my own contributions to the demise of my marriage is healthy and part of healing. It allowed me to break free of certain patterns of behavior and allow God to heal. Now I don't have to bring in the same dysfunctional behaviors into a new relationship. I have no intention of being a serial monogamist.
parablepete said:
I am thinking as I read these posts. YOU may be 100% ready to move on and have a relationship with a man/woman?

You must remember the other person needs to understand also about MONEY, Bills, He/she want this, I GOT TO HAVE IT!, you both may call yourselves christians and still have different thoughts about doctrine. Parents move into the FAMILY. Jobs, Time, House chores? Shoping, FRIENDS, all of the things I mentioned play a big part in a marriage.

Love is a wonderful thing. But, to have a marriage that last all these things must be worked out. When you get serious these things should be discussed. I still WANT this or THAT and my wife says we can't afford it!

These things don't go away, because you move into a nice warm bed, and don't feel alone.

I said all of that to say LOVE is worth it.
Click to expand...
All valid points, but these affect the mature and immature alike. Likewise the healed and the wounded. I missed how this is related to the OP.
 
All valid points, but these affect the mature and immature alike. Likewise the healed and the wounded. I missed how this is related to the OP.

Good point, I was just thinking off base.....LoL You can do that when your 66 and married....LoL
 
For awhile there, I was telling myself 'I just know I'm not ready for a relationship'. But I was basing this from the standard I saw for myself. I kept telling myself I have to conquer this, this and this issue before I can even think about a relationship. Although this sounds like wisdom, this is actually all based on pride. 'I have to take lead and I'LL know when I'M ready according to MY perception of when the 'right' time is'.

I have this idea I have to be this picture of 'almost perfection' before I can enter a relationship, but the truth is, I will probably never reach that level in this life time and I may never be completely ready for a relationship. I think relationships are wonderful things as well as frightening, to think that someone would honour me by sharing part of their heart with me and trusting me to take care of it, and vice versa.

If I end up in a relationship, I would consider my weaknesses, and seek and search the Lord to help me to love that person well. I trust that the Lord will deal with this compartment of my life and He will stand in for me and declare when I am ready. I've been my own 'god' for years and years and chased men round and about. Now, I have comfort placing that in His hands, because I've seen the chaos and pain I have left behind in people's lives and the pain I have brought upon my own head.

I don't want to look through the lens of 'right' time and 'wrong' time. What I really want, is for everything to be dependent on 'God's' timing.
 
DuchessAimee said:
There is no right answer.



You see, time heals nothing. Time doesn't do as much as we think it does to help the situation. In reality, if given something enough time, it can become poisonous, it can became necrotic, it can die.


What heals us is work and action and God. We like to say that time heals all wounds, and I suppose it does- as long as you work your butt off. You aren't going to garner a crop without digging up the old and planting the new. Yes, it takes time, but that time doesn't heal. The work does.


For me, I knew I was ready to date again when I didn't have the hurt and bitterness towards him that I once did. I knew I was ready when I didn't bring him up all the time. I knew I was ready when I didn't want a relationship to make me feel better about myself. That's important. A lot of people will get into a relationship, any relationship, to make themselves feel better about themselves. Because people to them aren't any more than wells of affection from which they can draw whenever they please. When I wanted to be in a relationship so that I could help and bless the other person more than I wanted to be helped and blessed myself, I knew I was ready.
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Agreed. God is not bound by time. To Him it doesn't exist. (at least not in the sense our carnal minds have boxed Him into)
Time can't heal a thing. Healing only can come from Christ. Period. The longer we cling to the notion that something else out there will satisfy,heal,help or fulfill us...the longer we will keep spinning our wheels only to repeat over & over again the same sad song but to a different melody.
 
Arlene89 said:
I was basing this from the standard I saw for myself. I kept telling myself I have to conquer this, this and this issue before I can even think about a relationship. Although this sounds like wisdom, this is actually all based on pride. 'I have to take lead and I'LL know when I'M ready according to MY perception of when the 'right' time is'.

I have this idea I have to be this picture of 'almost perfection' before I can enter a relationship, but the truth is, I will probably never reach that level in this life time and I may never be completely ready for a relationship. I think relationships are wonderful things as well as frightening, to think that someone would honour me by sharing part of their heart with me and trusting me to take care of it, and vice versa.

If I end up in a relationship, I would consider my weaknesses, and seek and search the Lord to help me to love that person well. I trust that the Lord will deal with this compartment of my life and He will stand in for me and declare when I am ready. I've been my own 'god' for years and years and chased men round and about. Now, I have comfort placing that in His hands, because I've seen the chaos and pain I have left behind in people's lives and the pain I have brought upon my own head.

I don't want to look through the lens of 'right' time and 'wrong' time. What I really want, is for everything to be dependent on 'God's' timing.
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Yeah... I have had similar thoughts on this. A "I need to do X, Y, and Z before I'm 'good enough' - or ready for a relationship," but also the realisation that I never will be good enough or ready really.
 
This may sound weird.. but I think when it's the 'right' person you just know it. You know this is 'the one' and suddenly you're open to dating and new possibilities once more.
 
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