How do you let go and let God?

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lesky

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Okay fellow Christians I need help. On December 23, 2011 I discovered my husband had a Facebook affair. It broke my heart but I decided to stay. I asked him did they have sex and he told me no - which later I found out was a lie. Long story short I am trying to make my marriage work. I have prayed and I am trying to let go and let God but I feel like such a fool. Please help and pray for me. I just need to talk to someone. I hate the highs and lows I feel.
 
Lord bless lesky give her wisdom and strentgh to overcome this. Letting go means not doing yourself, but completely trusting God to do
what he says he will do, trusting him to be in control and not ourselves, it works too. it is way better to let him handle it as we can make a big
mess out of things,
God bless you, in Jesus name amen
 
Lesky, God may be trying to tell you something. You said you are trying to make your marriage work, but your husband obviously isn't. Maybe you are supposed to get divorced. Jesus said you shouldn't get divorced Except for the case of sexual immorality. I'm not saying you should, but it's definitely something to pray about. Your husband could make you sick acting this way.
 
:( I will def keep you in my prayers!!!! God can do anything!!! God is bigger than our problems :) God can change hearts!!!! :)
 
Im so sorry Lesky that this happened, betrayal injures the heart so deeply and compleatly.
I can not speak to what your husband should do, for him, all that can be done is to give him to Jesus compleatly, and pray for him.
My husband betrayed me several years ago, different stuff, but needless to say, my heart was not only broken, but crushed.
I thought at firstt by showing how much he hurt me, he would see and be sorry, wanting to repair all.
Saddly this had the opposite result, instead he saw himself as the victem, making the situation worse.
Thankfully Jesus showed me how important it is to forgive, and give him to God.
First the forgive, I saw Jesus on the cross, not just for me, but just as much for my husband, trully a humbleing mpment.
Jesus also showed that by holding on to the hurt, instead of forgiving, it leads to bitterness, fist signs are the highs and lows.
I learned in Jesus that I needed everytime my husbands actions started to eat away at me, that I had to speak forgiveness and praise to God for his care and salvation.
The give part is really part of the forgive, you have to compleatly give him to God, no more thoughts or words on how your husband should be.
You give him in Jesus to God, every time you think or start to think, give him in Jesus to God.
Pray for him also, alot. :)
Then love your husband as called to in scripture, I know this sounds redicules, I thought so myself when Jesus set this before me.
But when we forgive, think, speak, and live in faith what God asks us to, His power, glory, healing, and perfect love is perfect and amazing.
Long story shortened, my husband trully came to accept Jesus into His heart, he asked my forgiveness, and every day since then, works to win my heart. :)
He still is not perfect, but I praise God for the perfect in him, Jesus! :)
There are no garrentees, but when one does all asked in Jesus, then one can be confident that everything one has done is Jesus, has been done.
Because perfect love is learning in Jesus how to give love, not just recieve.
Also, God will in Jesus give you all you need as well. :)

you both are in my prayers in Jesus.
Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
lesky, I couldn't help noticing the date..."on Decenber 23..." Two days before we celebrate Jesus coming into the world for us...how even "sadder" for you. :(

Pickles, as always has great advice. <3 I was in this situation so long ago, and I didn't make the choice you did (I left). I don't really have much to add but my sorrow for you, and understanding of what you mean about the highs and lows...

You say you feel like such a fool. (heartbreaking!) I am praying that feeling will GO! This sort of betrayal, I think, always makes us feel foolish, but how could you possibly have known, or be made responsible for the acts of others? I pray that feeling will not prevent you from allowing the Lord to work in your heart, a work of healing.

I really admire your conviction to make your marriage work, and please understand I'm not advocating you do anything else (unless you feel the Lord moving you), but remember that you alone can't make it "work". That takes two people. I just wouldn't want you to become more disappointed, or feel like a failure if you can't do it alone. Does your husband know Jesus? The answer to that would be HUGE! Follow your Lord in what you do, and definitely try to make things work if that's what He says to do. I guess all I'm trying to say is to try not to become discouraged.

I hope you keep us posted; talk all you want. There are terrific people here who love the Lord and are so kind! Perhaps you would like to private message someone you feel a connection with so you can talk about what's going on in a more personal way?
IDK, lesky, but I know the Lord God loves you more than we can know. And that He reigns! (hoorah!)

I will pray and pray for you, and for your husband. I hope you have "real" people in your life you can talk to...church people? or just Christian friends? Someone to make you tea and hand you tissues and pray with you and make you laugh...but we will be here for you, too. :)

blessings! ~ellie
ps- sorry I'm so disjointed today. :(
 
Thank you all so much. The prayers and words have helped me today. Just to answer some of the questions: Yes my husband is a christian. I guess that is why it shocked me so. I though I was so careful when I got married 17 years ago. But God reminded me we are not perfect and all fall short of the glory of God. My husband says he wants to stay and work on the marriage. I am thankful for that. However I found out this is not his first time. I guess for me I want him to show more. He never asked for me to forgive him. He said if I decide to leave he deserve any bad things that happens to him because he messed up. This is not what I am looking for. I decided to stay so I thought he would be over joyed - not the case. I belong to a church but do not feel comfortable talking to anyone - that is sad! I trust God! I just want the sadness and hurt to go away.
 
Preciuos sister, so sorry to hear the troubles that you have gone through in your marriage. May His presence comfort and strengthen you. May His wisdom instruct in you what to do.

Perfect love casts out all fear. As a husband of 21 years, I know I have to earn and maintain my wifes trust. Not just in word, but in action, daily action and accountability.

Blessings.
lesky said:
Thank you all so much. The prayers and words have helped me today. Just to answer some of the questions: Yes my husband is a christian. I guess that is why it shocked me so. I though I was so careful when I got married 17 years ago. But God reminded me we are not perfect and all fall short of the glory of God. My husband says he wants to stay and work on the marriage. I am thankful for that. However I found out this is not his first time. I guess for me I want him to show more. He never asked for me to forgive him. He said if I decide to leave he deserve any bad things that happens to him because he messed up. This is not what I am looking for. I decided to stay so I thought he would be over joyed - not the case. I belong to a church but do not feel comfortable talking to anyone - that is sad! I trust God! I just want the sadness and hurt to go away.
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I wonder how many marriages facebook will be credited for destroying, men just shouldn't contact old girlfriends thats just asking for problems
 
frankleespeaking said:
I wonder how many marriages facebook will be credited for destroying, men just shouldn't contact old girlfriends thats just asking for problems
Click to expand...

Too many. Technology today can be used for good or bad. We are allowing the devil to utilize it for evil. However it is our choice but it is so easy to do bad in today's society. Is that because it is more acceptable?
 
Jim I thought about this - him making me sick. However he said it was once and he stopped. He said he regrets ever doing it and want to work on the marriage. Words are cheap and actions are real. I don't want to give up if there is something to fight for. I want my marriage! It says God know the desires of your heart. I am believing he can work this out for me (us). I have children and I love my husband. I hope he does not make me sick - God know how much I can handle.
 
lesky said:
Thank you all so much. The prayers and words have helped me today. Just to answer some of the questions: Yes my husband is a christian. I guess that is why it shocked me so. I though I was so careful when I got married 17 years ago. But God reminded me we are not perfect and all fall short of the glory of God. My husband says he wants to stay and work on the marriage. I am thankful for that. However I found out this is not his first time. I guess for me I want him to show more. He never asked for me to forgive him. He said if I decide to leave he deserve any bad things that happens to him because he messed up. This is not what I am looking for. I decided to stay so I thought he would be over joyed - not the case. I belong to a church but do not feel comfortable talking to anyone - that is sad! I trust God! I just want the sadness and hurt to go away.
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Huge hugs lesky, just keep talking to Jesus, He is close to the broken hearted.
You both continue in my prayers.

God bless
pickles
 
well as I am married too for over 20 years the feeling is normal however, don't let it rule you. Counceling, and contacting theis other prson is in order even more so if she is a Christain. Now you will bame him and yourself don't buy into that. What you let go of is hate and unforgiveness what you let God do is give you healing and time to work it out. Now your husband will ned to make some very serious decisions and you will to that is where goddly councel comes in go and get even if he doesn't. Hold your head up high and walk tall in the name of the Lord you are faithful to God and it was in your marriage to him.. that doen't make you a fool it makes you honnable my sister now GO to GOD......
 
lesky...how are you doing today? You were on my mind when I went to sleep last night and when I woke up this morning.

Just wondering how it's going for you spiritually and reality-speaking. Hope all's well, sister. :)

~ellie
 
psychomom said:
lesky...how are you doing today? You were on my mind when I went to sleep last night and when I woke up this morning.

Just wondering how it's going for you spiritually and reality-speaking. Hope all's well, sister. :)

~ellie
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Hi Ellie,

Thank you so much for thinking about me. I am praying a lot. My anniversary is coming up - so of course I am a little sad. My husband does not feel like celebrating. I can understand but I do want to celebrate. Funny you were thinking about me - yesterday I felt unloved an unwanted. But I know God loves me so I pushed the thoughts out of my mind. Today is neutral - not bad nor good. So long story short - I am hanging in there. Waiting on God and trying to make the best of my "storm". I truly appreciate you reaching out to me. I am talker so this really helps.
 
Listen, sweetie, I couldn't help noticing something you said: :" I thought I was so careful when I got married 17 years ago..."

I am praying you will stop feeling so responsible for this!! Seriously, you are breaking my heart. :(
This is NOT something you could have possibly forseen. Ever. At all. period. As careful as I know you were, this is not your fault!
Please stop doing that would-a, could-a, should-a thing we do when bad things happen. Stop beating yourself up, won't you? ( do it for me! can you tell guilt and condemnation were my primary child rearing tools?? lol) ( really, jk)

But I hope you do it for your sake. &#9829;

So sorry about the anniversary. I think you wanting to celebrate it shows remarkable forgiveness. I hope to me like you when I grow up. :)
And please talk to me all you want--I love it! :D

Still keeping you in prayer, sister. ~ellie
 
psychomom said:
Listen, sweetie, I couldn't help noticing something you said: :" I thought I was so careful when I got married 17 years ago..."

I am praying you will stop feeling so responsible for this!! Seriously, you are breaking my heart. :(
This is NOT something you could have possibly forseen. Ever. At all. period. As careful as I know you were, this is not your fault!
Please stop doing that would-a, could-a, should-a thing we do when bad things happen. Stop beating yourself up, won't you? ( do it for me! can you tell guilt and condemnation were my primary child rearing tools?? lol) ( really, jk)

But I hope you do it for your sake. &#9829;

So sorry about the anniversary. I think you wanting to celebrate it shows remarkable forgiveness. I hope to me like you when I grow up. :)
And please talk to me all you want--I love it! :D

Still keeping you in prayer, sister. ~ellie
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Thanks again Ellie. I try not to blame myself but I think I am looking for a reason why. Why did this happen? I am so thankful for you and this site. You and the people have encouraged and blessed me in a way that you'll could not imagine. Especially on the days I feel like I just can not make it.

Yes I have forgiven him (even though he did not ask for me to forgive him). I feel no one is perfect and all have our shortcomings.

Yes I feel we have something to celebrate. We can not do anything about the pass but we can live in the now and hope for a better future.

I do wonder if my husband loves me? I saved myself for my husband - so I am really hurt. You would think this would be something someone would cherish.

Can love make a fool out of you? LOL

Thanks for letting me talk to you. I wish we were logged on at the same time! You give me something to look forward to in a positive way.
 
My advice for you is that if you still love to keep your marriage forget about what happen between your husband and facebook love pray a leave the rest if you keep bringing the issue up your husband may not want to talk to you so that you wont bring up the matter and you not talking does not make you a fool but a wise woman marriage is made for matured mind not babies God bless
SHALLOM
 
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