How to challenge 'laziness' in my wife?

[Jullianna]

That's a very rational, logical suggestion, answers

 

[AnandaHya]

When I look at Proverbs 31 and see the wife of noble character I have to say that actually I am the one who is up early and awake late organinsing and cleaning. . I am the one who usews price comparrison websites to get the best deals in food shopping and deals online. .things have improved slowly but there are still many issues that trouble me and my wife when challenged on certain lacks in household care will rise up like a cat raising it hackles nad she will lose her temper and become verbally abusive and spiteful. . gosh her tongue is truly a barbed sword .

I got frustrated today as I am currently home from work with Laryngitis and Tracheitis and yet despite having no energy nad feeling dizzy and sick with the coughing and throat/chest pain I folded wahing and managed some washing up and while she took our older 2 children to school took care of our youngest son who is still currently to young for school, When I came down this evening (I had been resting in bed for a few hours) I found the lounge still untiday with out youngest socks lying 1 on the floor and 1 on the sofa right next to where she was sat, toys accross the flor, the dinner plates had not been cleaned off of any food waste or sauces added, the washing up had not been done or even sorted and was strewn accross the entire side unit, the dinner table had not been cleaned down, the folded washing still where I had left it, the recycling, that is collected kerbside every Tues not sorted. As such despite my intense lack of energy and tiredness I washed up, sorted the recycling and have put the washing away. . I am so frustrated. .

I know forgive and overlook etc. . I know pray is sometihng to pursue, but how do I pro actively challenge the lack of motivation in the above . we have rowed many times over simply having her walk past a childs toy in the hallway or leaving a dirty bowl or plate from a late evening snack rather than clearing it away. . that sort of thing . its almost like blinkers are on either that or she simply chooses to ignore it .

I have learnt to bite my tongue the longer we have been together but it drives me around the twist. . you see she may have a blitz once a week of the surface stuff. . but open a drawer or cupboard and see the hidden stuff shoved away higgledy piggledy.

Help. . .

It sounds like my house. I unlike Julianna am not a neat freak, but watching little ones is stressful. you worry about if they will get hurt, if they are getting enough attention, if they are getting too much attention and thousands of other things. My daughter is currently in preschool from 9-12 and she loves it. that gives me time to clean and do things around the house but both my husband and I work and go to school.

Truthfully I clean more because it bugs him then because I really feel self motivated to do it. When we were first married he used to nag me to do things and that tended to make me work less and be more depressed.

You're wife doesn't sound lazy. she sounds tired and her focus is more on the kids and taking care of them then on tidiness.

Anyway I like Julianna's idea of making a family thing. teaching the kids to help clean and pick up after themselves is a good thing. even toddlers can be taught to put their toys in their rooms and my daughter is 3 and likes folding her clothes and putting them away in her drawers and "helping"(she also is a princess who likes changing clothes 10 times a day if you let her)

you have to consider which is more important to you? Spending time with your family or having a spotless clean house?

my husband offered to hire someone to come and clean but we've managed.

he bought me one of those little vacuum machines that cleans the floor itself and put it on a timer so that it would vacuum the house. All I have to do is pick up the little things and clean it out at least once a week and we have clean floors.

I definitely recommend getting one if you can afford it and have hardwood floors.

My house isn't spotless and if someone came in they might think I'm lazy because I don't clean all the time but personally I believe there is more to life than that.

I spend my time praying, reading the Bible, taking college classes. prepping lessons on bugs, astronomy, dinosaurs, playing with the kids, visiting friends and their new babies, making food and other things that are higher on my list then cleaning.

Perhaps instead of calling your wife lazy you should find out what she enjoys doing with her day, taking the kids out to give her a break occasionally and finding out how to show your love for her as your spouse.

Did you marry her so that you would have a maid or because you love her and want a companion for life?

 

[AnandaHya]

PS. making lists and giving them to me would just make me mad. but that might just be me.

 

[shekaniah]

It sounds like my house. I unlike Julianna am not a neat freak, but watching little ones is stressful. you worry about if they will get hurt, if they are getting enough attention, if they are getting too much attention and thousands of other things. My daughter is currently in preschool from 9-12 and she loves it. that gives me time to clean and do things around the house but both my husband and I work and go to school.

Truthfully I clean more because it bugs him then because I really feel self motivated to do it. When we were first married he used to nag me to do things and that tended to make me work less and be more depressed.

You're wife doesn't sound lazy. she sounds tired and her focus is more on the kids and taking care of them then on tidiness.

Anyway I like Julianna's idea of making a family thing. teaching the kids to help clean and pick up after themselves is a good thing. even toddlers can be taught to put their toys in their rooms and my daughter is 3 and likes folding her clothes and putting them away in her drawers and "helping"(she also is a princess who likes changing clothes 10 times a day if you let her)

you have to consider which is more important to you? Spending time with your family or having a spotless clean house?

my husband offered to hire someone to come and clean but we've managed.

he bought me one of those little vacuum machines that cleans the floor itself and put it on a timer so that it would vacuum the house. All I have to do is pick up the little things and clean it out at least once a week and we have clean floors.

I definitely recommend getting one if you can afford it and have hardwood floors.

My house isn't spotless and if someone came in they might think I'm lazy because I don't clean all the time but personally I believe there is more to life than that.

I spend my time praying, reading the Bible, taking college classes. prepping lessons on bugs, astronomy, dinosaurs, playing with the kids, visiting friends and their new babies, making food and other things that are higher on my list then cleaning.

Perhaps instead of calling your wife lazy you should find out what she enjoys doing with her day, taking the kids out to give her a break occasionally and finding out how to show your love for her as your spouse.

Did you marry her so that you would have a maid or because you love her and want a companion for life?

I like your end quote!
And I agree with your statements.

 

[LANCY]

I don't find anything funny about depression. It affects a lot of people deeply. I don't want to derail this thread though. The gentleman is asking for thoughts about his wife. The OP is not a woman asking about her husband.

I didn't mean it funny HA HA! Actually as a woman, I take offense to the fact that you would question the wife's mental health just because she lacks motivation in cleaning the house. Rather than telling you it was offensive to me, I used a passive agrressive way to express this. Next time, I will be more direct so there is no miss understanding.

 

[LANCY]

It sounds like my house. I unlike Julianna am not a neat freak, but watching little ones is stressful. you worry about if they will get hurt, if they are getting enough attention, if they are getting too much attention and thousands of other things. My daughter is currently in preschool from 9-12 and she loves it. that gives me time to clean and do things around the house but both my husband and I work and go to school.

Truthfully I clean more because it bugs him then because I really feel self motivated to do it. When we were first married he used to nag me to do things and that tended to make me work less and be more depressed.

You're wife doesn't sound lazy. she sounds tired and her focus is more on the kids and taking care of them then on tidiness.

Anyway I like Julianna's idea of making a family thing. teaching the kids to help clean and pick up after themselves is a good thing. even toddlers can be taught to put their toys in their rooms and my daughter is 3 and likes folding her clothes and putting them away in her drawers and "helping"(she also is a princess who likes changing clothes 10 times a day if you let her)

you have to consider which is more important to you? Spending time with your family or having a spotless clean house?

my husband offered to hire someone to come and clean but we've managed.

he bought me one of those little vacuum machines that cleans the floor itself and put it on a timer so that it would vacuum the house. All I have to do is pick up the little things and clean it out at least once a week and we have clean floors.

I definitely recommend getting one if you can afford it and have hardwood floors.

My house isn't spotless and if someone came in they might think I'm lazy because I don't clean all the time but personally I believe there is more to life than that.

I spend my time praying, reading the Bible, taking college classes. prepping lessons on bugs, astronomy, dinosaurs, playing with the kids, visiting friends and their new babies, making food and other things that are higher on my list then cleaning.

Perhaps instead of calling your wife lazy you should find out what she enjoys doing with her day, taking the kids out to give her a break occasionally and finding out how to show your love for her as your spouse.

Did you marry her so that you would have a maid or because you love her and want a companion for life?

Amen Sister. Now this is a wise women. Spyborg - you should be listening to her!

 

[Jullianna]

I didn't mean it funny HA HA! Actually as a woman, I take offense to the fact that you would question the wife's mental health just because she lacks motivation in cleaning the house. Rather than telling you it was offensive to me, I used a passive agrressive way to express this. Next time, I will be more direct so there is no miss understanding.

I'm a woman too. The lack of interest in oneself and one's surroundings is often clinically indicative of depression in both males and females. It was a clinical question, not a judgmental observation. However, again, the subject of this thread was/is female, not male.

 

[Jullianna]

It sounds like my house. I unlike Julianna am not a neat freak, but watching little ones is stressful. you worry about if they will get hurt, if they are getting enough attention, if they are getting too much attention and thousands of other things. My daughter is currently in preschool from 9-12 and she loves it. that gives me time to clean and do things around the house but both my husband and I work and go to school.

Truthfully I clean more because it bugs him then because I really feel self motivated to do it. When we were first married he used to nag me to do things and that tended to make me work less and be more depressed.

You're wife doesn't sound lazy. she sounds tired and her focus is more on the kids and taking care of them then on tidiness.

Anyway I like Julianna's idea of making a family thing. teaching the kids to help clean and pick up after themselves is a good thing. even toddlers can be taught to put their toys in their rooms and my daughter is 3 and likes folding her clothes and putting them away in her drawers and "helping"(she also is a princess who likes changing clothes 10 times a day if you let her)

you have to consider which is more important to you? Spending time with your family or having a spotless clean house?

my husband offered to hire someone to come and clean but we've managed.

he bought me one of those little vacuum machines that cleans the floor itself and put it on a timer so that it would vacuum the house. All I have to do is pick up the little things and clean it out at least once a week and we have clean floors.

I definitely recommend getting one if you can afford it and have hardwood floors.

My house isn't spotless and if someone came in they might think I'm lazy because I don't clean all the time but personally I believe there is more to life than that.

I spend my time praying, reading the Bible, taking college classes. prepping lessons on bugs, astronomy, dinosaurs, playing with the kids, visiting friends and their new babies, making food and other things that are higher on my list then cleaning.

Perhaps instead of calling your wife lazy you should find out what she enjoys doing with her day, taking the kids out to give her a break occasionally and finding out how to show your love for her as your spouse.

Did you marry her so that you would have a maid or because you love her and want a companion for life?

I gotta get one of those!

 

[Jullianna]

I wanted to share this previously....wasn't sure how much I should. But maybe it will be helpful.

My mother was a beautiful, intelligent, God-loving woman who battled severe depression at times due to childhood abuse. When these bouts would begin, the first indications were that she stopped caring about her personal appearance and our home, and would bury herself in books and/or television. This caused a lot of friction between her and my stepfather. I understood that she was not well, so I took over most of the housekeeping responsibilities during these times, which helped to make our home a bit more peaceful. The result is that I am now a neatfreak in pretty much every way. This is why I asked the question I did. These situations are not always caused by laziness. There can be so many other reasons, whether one is male or female. Having lived through so much of this, it's simply one of the first things that jumped into my mind.