how to cope with parents who dont care for their child (me)?

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mlove

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My mother was abusive with me as a child and now as an adult she is trying to ruin my marriage and is expecting me to support her financially as she has no money. She is very hateful with me and I am trying to be patient and to be faithful but I am very upset and shooken up. Shes fine when I provide her with food or money, but when I dont she hates me. Will it be wrong to live my life without ever looking after my parents financially? Im trying to be a good daughter and not be wrong to my faith in God.
 
Well, it makes it difficult to know how to answer you when we don't know your age.

If you're 18 or older and able to move out, there is nothing wrong with not looking out for your parents finances, in fact, i think its wrong to do it unless you were doing well financially and they were struggling. But if they just expect it of you, then that is wrong of them, it's their job to help you financially. Really the fact that she is hateful is what makes the difference. Shes not a loving parent seeking help, shes a mean spirited person demanding money by blackmailing you emotionally, telling you i'll only love you if you give me what i want. Personally, i wouldn't want a person like that in my life at all.
To me, this is not a 'honor your parents' issue, because this is about manipulation and abuse. You are not honoring her, or yourself, or God, by giving in to manipulation and abuse.
 
Your right I shouldv'e added that I am 23 and I am married. My husband and I had some financial issues so we had to stay with my family. I always helped out financially in buying groceries and she is only happy when I either buy stuff or give her money. I do agree with you I would gladly and happily help her if she was a kind mother. She also buys cigarettes and coffee before buying groceries of any kind. She is totally taking advantage.
 
Ah, living with her makes the situation difficult. Ideally something should have been worked out ahead of time on what her expectations are for you financially. A month rent, or expectation to buy groceries for the whole house, or whatever. If she is letting you live there without any preset payment plan, then its tricky.
So unless you have an agreed on setup then i would say you don't owe her anything more than making sure you are not providing any more financial burden on her. Cover your own expenses, maybe pay a little bit for utilities you use, but beyond that, it doesn't seem worth it.
Of course, this course of action may not go over well with her, so it may not be an easy path.
Also, seems you need to be saving as much as you can so you can afford to get out of there ASAP.
 
I have seen many parent who push their child out of their Christian believes and they are a mess now. Can I say that the devil uses things like these (family)to make a person want to give up. She could have break u but she didn't what u been though made u stronger. My advice to u is to show her the love of God I have learned that the more love you show to those who treat u wrong the worst they feel about themself pray about it I bet one day she will fall her knees begging for ur forgiveness God will take care of it don't let her or any one else discourage you. Do what u want to do if u decide u want to stop helping them financially then do so but I think u should continue to help if u can and let God fix everything else for u. If it doesn't work ill say continue to show love and pray about it. Be blessed
 
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Ugly said:
Well, it makes it difficult to know how to answer you when we don't know your age.

If you're 18 or older and able to move out, there is nothing wrong with not looking out for your parents finances, in fact, i think its wrong to do it unless you were doing well financially and they were struggling. But if they just expect it of you, then that is wrong of them, it's their job to help you financially. Really the fact that she is hateful is what makes the difference. Shes not a loving parent seeking help, shes a mean spirited person demanding money by blackmailing you emotionally, telling you i'll only love you if you give me what i want. Personally, i wouldn't want a person like that in my life at all.
To me, this is not a 'honor your parents' issue, because this is about manipulation and abuse. You are not honoring her, or yourself, or God, by giving in to manipulation and abuse.
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Yes, I agree Ugly. Mlove - I can attest to the fact that I had a manipulative biological mother and sister who verbally abused me, mocked me my entire life, especially when I followed the Lord's leading to get out of the family etc. They dropped me when I was physically sick, some years ago. Then the biological sister's husband wanted in on the abuse and tries to randomly get in touch with me throughout the years to abuse via email. I keep blocking this weirdo, but he keeps trying. When I push back, and confront him back, he tells me not to disrespect him (totally crazy making). They are a HOT MESS. It took years of abuse to realize, they only try to call me when they need something and use the name of the Lord to attempt to abuse me. The love is not reciprocated. Now that the biological mother (who wants nothing to do with me) is sick and the biological sister is sick of taking care of her. They are false witnesses.

Bottom line - I cut them out, especially when the Lord told me to dust off my feet. It's good to cut them out now, turn them over to the Lord who will turn them over to the devil. They are false. What does the Lord say about this? "Who is your mother, your brother, your sister?" It is those that do the will of my Father in heaven". Those who are abusing you are not doing the will of your Father.
 
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