How would you handle a situation like this?

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M

ManiaStar

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2015
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For the past maybe 12 years, my parents have let my sister get away with the nasty words she says. They don't want to say anything to her bc they don't want to start anything and cause more disention btwn them. I don't think it's right what she's doing.

When my grandma was alive, my sister would say things like, well she'll most likely die soon so it doesn't matter. She was so nasty towards my grandma though thankfully she never said those words directly to her, I tried to stop her and her response always was either well I'm just stating the real facts or, I'm just being honest. I had asked her several times where her heart was since she's always so cold but to that, I usually got spewed angry words back to me or she'd stay quiet.

Also, just to state, my parents adopted my sister when she was 2 years old and my sister has resented that since they told her about it. But, from the story, her birth mom literally sounded like she didn't want to give her up but since the dad was in the army in Korea, the mom had another older child and couldn't afford to keep 2 so she wanted to give her 2nd child the chance to have a good fulfilling life, so she placed her up for adoption.

My sister over the years has said many hateful and hurtful things to both of my parents and to me and she doesn't care.
 
You ain't going to be able to change your sister. If it was me, I'd pray for her and let her go.
 
You can pray for your sister. People with a hatefilled heart needs prayer to help break the strongholds their under. As much as we would like help others they have to want help & want to change. As the Lord says in Psalm 81:12 - So I gave them over to the stubbornness of their heart, To walk in their own devices.
 
That actually wasn't the end of my post. It submitted before I finished.

It it took me 40 min editing the post only for it to not be accepted. I'm not going to write everything again.

But the real issue now is my friend is coming over for Christmas dinner on Sunday. On thanksgiving he accidentally said something that hurt my sister. She called my parents a week later and complained to them about what he said and she said if he ever says anything hurtful to her again then either he has to leave or she'll leave and won't come back. Really? And my parents are feeding into this idiocracy and saying they will ask him to leave since she's their daughter and it wouldn't be right to have her leave. So it's right allowing her to continue what she's doing?? They're just reinforcing her behavior!! It's so stupid and not right!!! My friend has put up for me in the past with her. She would start getting on me for something and he'd stop her right in her tracks and switch topics. He's been a huge help to me. I'm afraid he won't come over anymore since my sister will have her way again.

I feel like doing the same thing and being like since you've been such so mean over the years, anytime you come over, I'm leaving and will spend the holiday with ______ instead and see where that goes. My parents will want me to spend the holiday with them but since my sister is causing the dissension they're going to be forced to say and do something to make her stop. I'll say if he has to leave then so am I bc it's so unfair how she always gets her way. By the way, my sister is 37 years old and she acts like a 5 year old sometimes with her tantrums.
 
PrynceNY said:
You can pray for your sister. People with a hatefilled heart needs prayer to help break the strongholds their under. As much as we would like help others they have to want help & want to change. As the Lord says in Psalm 81:12 - So I gave them over to the stubbornness of their heart, To walk in their own devices.
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My parents have been praying for her for over 15 years. My parents went to Florida last winter for 3 months. I went to have lunch with my sister one of the days. She had gotten on me again about this guy. And she hurt me soo much I couldn't finish my meal and just wanted to get out of there and drop her off. I was depressed for almost a month after that. I just couldn't get her words out of my mind.

I feel like talking to my mom in the morning and telling her my plan. I know exactly what she'll say. She'll tell me not to do what I'm planning bc I'll cause more dissection but if I don't do it then my sister will be allowed to continue her hurtful rampage.

My sister shouldn't be allowed to continue what she's doing. If she's able to continuously dish out pain, why can't she receive some helpful criticism once in awhile and if she can't take it?? Oh well. Who is in the right here??? My sister or my sister since she's always allowed to get her way?? My parents never see things from my point of view which is unfair. I'm nothing like my sister. I'm a pacifist and I hate confrontation and hate getting into arguments. I usually give in to whatever is going on or walk away. But if my sister is now aiming at my bff, that is not cool and I will retaliate heavily against her.
 
I have many thoughts here. One thing that stood out in your post is the statement that you made about your sister being adopted and being resentful about this. She may have abandonment issues because of being adopted. She may be insecure. Many times, most of the time I think, anger is a symptom of fear. She may say these nasty things because she is afraid of losing her family- she puts up walls around to say "keep out" because she feels you guys might abandon her too. She's rejecting the rejection preemptively.

I don't know if this is true, it is just one possible theory to explain her behavior. I will say that all siblings have strife at times, but you do love them through it. Your parents will of course, choose their daughter over your friend. They may see something hurting in your sister that you might not see. You do not say if she is saved, if she is- then you might talk to her and see if she might be open to going to some family counseling with you or talking to a pastor or lady in your church. If she is not, now is the time to show God's love toward her- that Jesus kind of love where you sacrifice being with your friend for her sake.

It's a tough situation, to be sure. Good friends will understand that you have to put your family first.

Retaliation is not the Christian way, love is. God bless, and Merry Christmas!
 
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