W
witenite101
Guest
I am wondering if anyone knows of any resources for new husbands wanting to be a proper, Christ like leader in his new family.??
Dave
Dave
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G
GRA
Guest
Congratulations in your desire to lead your family. There is an endless amount of sermons, tapes and books. Most of them all teaching roughly the same thing. Check out Focus on the Family. You can find all you want there alone. They will all tell you what to do and what not to do but let's face it, being a good husband and father is not only getting the right info. It's a daily sacrifice of self. You are the captain. It all falls on you. Don't just let things fall to chance. Organize your money and your time effectively. You are the backbone of your family. When you make a firm decision, stand behind it. Don't make a promise you may not keep and be respectable if you want respect. Good luck. I've been at this for 15 years and still learning daily.
K
Kefa52
Guest
Welcome Witenite101.
If I was get get married at a young age in this day and time. I would take my wife and run to the nearest Christian Church I could find.
Look for a group of believers that has other young married couples. Or a young married couples group. Youth programs etc.
The scripture will tell you.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered
I believe that scripture refers to physically weaker. I know many women that have extremely strong faith.
Ephesians 5:28 ESV
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
The Bible is full of scripture and teachings for husbands, and wives. If you don't have a bible just Goggle it and find a bible version that you can understand and read easily.
Most of all I suggest you find a solid body of believers at church to share and learn with.
If I was get get married at a young age in this day and time. I would take my wife and run to the nearest Christian Church I could find.
Look for a group of believers that has other young married couples. Or a young married couples group. Youth programs etc.
The scripture will tell you.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered
I believe that scripture refers to physically weaker. I know many women that have extremely strong faith.
Ephesians 5:28 ESV
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
The Bible is full of scripture and teachings for husbands, and wives. If you don't have a bible just Goggle it and find a bible version that you can understand and read easily.
Most of all I suggest you find a solid body of believers at church to share and learn with.
W
witenite101
Guest
Thanks for the help. I have a burning desire and passion to Lead, but my fear is overwhelming.... (I fight daily agents clinical depression, and generalized anxiety disorder) in the past, every time i would try and lead at work, school, I would just be ignored.... the scares remain..
Dave
Dave
P
piper27
Guest
Hello fellow Canadian,
First of all, I'm excited that you want to take this role in your family, and are reaching out for support.
I would like to encourage you and your wife to find a wonderful church/prayer group where you can be mentored, built up, and trained. God wants you set free from any fear or hindrance, and the first step to freedom is desiring his ways. So good for you!!! i will pray for you that you will accept all resources necessary to fullfill your hearts calling - as you say, in leadership. May God bless you and your family abundantly as you seek His face!
L
Lucy68
Guest
Good for you for desiring to be a spiritual leader in your home 
.
Yes, the Bible is the most important book to follow in any situation. There are also others that can help.
I noticed you mentioned being 'ignored'. I'm afraid that is sometimes due to lack of 'skill'....sorry, I'm not trying to offend but being 'ignored' in my own family when I've attempted to guide my children in becoming godly people (my husband left this to me completely), I failed miserably....probably due to lack of skill...or just not having the personality traits to overcome the worldly influences.
Here are two Christian books that are helpful:
"How to Talk So People Will Listen" by Steve Brown
"Leading With Integrity" by Fred Smith, Sr.
I think we must realize that ultimately, we can't change others, but we can change ourselves. When we become a people with Christlike character then we don't need to worry about being ignored....our goal is to be a light and we can't help but shine.
Having a Christ-like influence in a worldly world, takes practice. Direct advice is usually rejected. But learning how to suggest or advise without judgmental statements just takes practice. Learning tact and how to express genuine concern is a must.
People don't care what you say until they know that you truly care about them.
Praying for you and your family....may the Spirit lead you in leading them.
.Yes, the Bible is the most important book to follow in any situation. There are also others that can help.
I noticed you mentioned being 'ignored'. I'm afraid that is sometimes due to lack of 'skill'....sorry, I'm not trying to offend but being 'ignored' in my own family when I've attempted to guide my children in becoming godly people (my husband left this to me completely), I failed miserably....probably due to lack of skill...or just not having the personality traits to overcome the worldly influences.
Here are two Christian books that are helpful:
"How to Talk So People Will Listen" by Steve Brown
"Leading With Integrity" by Fred Smith, Sr.
I think we must realize that ultimately, we can't change others, but we can change ourselves. When we become a people with Christlike character then we don't need to worry about being ignored....our goal is to be a light and we can't help but shine.
Having a Christ-like influence in a worldly world, takes practice. Direct advice is usually rejected. But learning how to suggest or advise without judgmental statements just takes practice
. Learning tact and how to express genuine concern is a must. People don't care what you say until they know that you truly care about them.
Praying for you and your family....may the Spirit lead you in leading them
.
W
witenite101
Guest
Thank you both for you help. It is very encouraging.
It is not so much a lack of skill, it is more of a lack of an environment where I can build and refine my leadership skills, but more importantly, build up my confidence in that I can be a leader. I know that I am a born leader, it is in my blood. I have felt it all my life. I want to be a Shepard with his own flock.
At work now, there is two other full time guys, and two high school students.... The oldest full time is 25, and the other one is 19... As with most people I have found in AB, they are Me focused, and they do what they want.... and avoid the work they do not want to..... I, or any one else, ask for help.... it is minimal to avoiding help.... I use all the manners that I grew up with, and I ask as nicely as I can... still rejected.... 20 years of living with people like this, dealing with people like this....... it hurts... Soo much......
My wife and I have only been married for 7 months. I know that she wants me to lead in a loving way. She knows that I want to lead, but that I am scared to lead. Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do.
Another thing that does not help is that I can get a panic attack on "anything," and my mind shuts down....
I need to be off to bed, and to try and fall asleep. Again, thanks Soo Much!!
It is not so much a lack of skill, it is more of a lack of an environment where I can build and refine my leadership skills, but more importantly, build up my confidence in that I can be a leader. I know that I am a born leader, it is in my blood. I have felt it all my life. I want to be a Shepard with his own flock.
At work now, there is two other full time guys, and two high school students.... The oldest full time is 25, and the other one is 19... As with most people I have found in AB, they are Me focused, and they do what they want.... and avoid the work they do not want to..... I, or any one else, ask for help.... it is minimal to avoiding help.... I use all the manners that I grew up with, and I ask as nicely as I can... still rejected.... 20 years of living with people like this, dealing with people like this....... it hurts... Soo much......
My wife and I have only been married for 7 months. I know that she wants me to lead in a loving way. She knows that I want to lead, but that I am scared to lead. Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do.
Another thing that does not help is that I can get a panic attack on "anything," and my mind shuts down....
I need to be off to bed, and to try and fall asleep. Again, thanks Soo Much!!
L
Lucy68
Guest
Thank you both for you help. It is very encouraging.
It is not so much a lack of skill, it is more of a lack of an environment where I can build and refine my leadership skills, but more importantly, build up my confidence in that I can be a leader. I know that I am a born leader, it is in my blood. I have felt it all my life. I want to be a Shepard with his own flock.
At work now, there is two other full time guys, and two high school students.... The oldest full time is 25, and the other one is 19... As with most people I have found in AB, they are Me focused, and they do what they want.... and avoid the work they do not want to..... I, or any one else, ask for help.... it is minimal to avoiding help.... I use all the manners that I grew up with, and I ask as nicely as I can... still rejected.... 20 years of living with people like this, dealing with people like this....... it hurts... Soo much......
My wife and I have only been married for 7 months. I know that she wants me to lead in a loving way. She knows that I want to lead, but that I am scared to lead. Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do.
Another thing that does not help is that I can get a panic attack on "anything," and my mind shuts down....
I need to be off to bed, and to try and fall asleep. Again, thanks Soo Much!!
Sorry to hear about your panic attacks....those can really be annoying. Why do you say ' Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do. '? I wonder if you're feeling overwhelmed with responsibility? Although the Bible speaks of the husband as the spiritual leader in the family that doesn't mean that you are solely (or 'souly'...
) responsible for your wife's and children's salvation. Yes, you have a huge role to play in it...but there is free will..everyone must choose for themselves. I see this as taking some of the weight off of the husband's shoulders. As long as you are in the Word, praying for direction, and willing to listen to others, you will do fine in your role of spiritual leadership. Not perfect (remember David). Keeping your own heart right with God is probably the key to leadership.I'm sorry you're feeling rejected by the people around you at work. We can't control other people, only ourselves. Also, if people are feeling like you're trying to manipulate them, they'll put up very strong walls. Of course, if you're the boss and they're supposed to be doing something that they aren't, then that's a different problem.
Sometimes it's very hard to find other Christians that you can relate to on the same level. But, I wonder if that is supposed to send us to Christ? He is the One that we need to be the most strongly connected to.
I have met a couple of men who were so determined to have 'their own flock' that they turned people off by their personalities. They really didn't care about people....it was more about developing a 'following'. Beware of ego...it can be damaging
.Praying for your panic attacks...may the Spirit lead you into peace and fulfillment
.
B
BishopSEH
Guest
witenite101,
Of course the Bible is the best resource. It spells out proper male spiritual leadership and headship within a family. A good search engine and some key words will help you search the Bible online for a great deal of them. That said I would recommend watching Courageous by Sherwood Pictures. This well give some entertaining insight into Biblical leadership. Next I would read The Resolution for Men. It would also help if you did this with a group of Christian men who desire to serve god through family headship. This way you can support each other and keep yourselves accountable to each other.
The first thing a Christian should do is pray. Pray for wisdom. Pray over and for your spouse, Pray over and for your children by name. Pray to for guidance in this endeavor. Do not, I repeat, do not pray for patience unless you want it tested because it will be. If you are not already doing this next part then start. First, begin hearing your children's prayers before bed. Make time during the day to pray with your wife and share the trials and praise reports of the day. While doing this begin personal morning devotions, even if it means getting up a little earlier. Then follow up with morning family devotions even if you have to get the kids and wife up a little earlier.
Before bedtime I would also recommend gathering the family for Bible time. During this either you or your wife or even one of the children should read the Scriptures aloud to the family. You can discuss what was read or simply allow for implantation of the Word and leave the understanding of it to the Holy Spirit. Of course always be ready to answer questions and be willing to admit when you don't know the answer.
Lastly, faith is more caught then taught. By this I mean if you do all this you and your wife had better walk the walk together and in front of the kids and even when none of them are present such as during work. We are the Scripture that the whole world reads. If we act like the world then all the praying and study and readings will not convince anyone that the Lord has wrought a change in you. By that same token, if we act as the Bible commands and live accordingly, then everyone will see it and be convicted by the mighty work of the Lord within you.
You have set yourself on a wonderous yet perilous road. The way of the Lord is narrow and lines with thorns and wild beast seeking to take you off the narrow way and bring you back to the wide road. Lean on Christ and His promises. May the Lord richly bless you and reward you accordingly in your faithful walk as a Follower of Christ and as the spiritual leader of your home.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
Ps, you can try to do this all at once but I wouldn't recommend it. Take it slow building upon the solid Rock of Christ and the structure you are building will stand.
Of course the Bible is the best resource. It spells out proper male spiritual leadership and headship within a family. A good search engine and some key words will help you search the Bible online for a great deal of them. That said I would recommend watching Courageous by Sherwood Pictures. This well give some entertaining insight into Biblical leadership. Next I would read The Resolution for Men. It would also help if you did this with a group of Christian men who desire to serve god through family headship. This way you can support each other and keep yourselves accountable to each other.
The first thing a Christian should do is pray. Pray for wisdom. Pray over and for your spouse, Pray over and for your children by name. Pray to for guidance in this endeavor. Do not, I repeat, do not pray for patience unless you want it tested because it will be. If you are not already doing this next part then start. First, begin hearing your children's prayers before bed. Make time during the day to pray with your wife and share the trials and praise reports of the day. While doing this begin personal morning devotions, even if it means getting up a little earlier. Then follow up with morning family devotions even if you have to get the kids and wife up a little earlier.
Before bedtime I would also recommend gathering the family for Bible time. During this either you or your wife or even one of the children should read the Scriptures aloud to the family. You can discuss what was read or simply allow for implantation of the Word and leave the understanding of it to the Holy Spirit. Of course always be ready to answer questions and be willing to admit when you don't know the answer.
Lastly, faith is more caught then taught. By this I mean if you do all this you and your wife had better walk the walk together and in front of the kids and even when none of them are present such as during work. We are the Scripture that the whole world reads. If we act like the world then all the praying and study and readings will not convince anyone that the Lord has wrought a change in you. By that same token, if we act as the Bible commands and live accordingly, then everyone will see it and be convicted by the mighty work of the Lord within you.
You have set yourself on a wonderous yet perilous road. The way of the Lord is narrow and lines with thorns and wild beast seeking to take you off the narrow way and bring you back to the wide road. Lean on Christ and His promises. May the Lord richly bless you and reward you accordingly in your faithful walk as a Follower of Christ and as the spiritual leader of your home.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
Ps, you can try to do this all at once but I wouldn't recommend it. Take it slow building upon the solid Rock of Christ and the structure you are building will stand.
G
GRA
Guest
witenite101:Yes - it is called ''The Holy Bible''...
(Best resource available...)
.
I would like to assure you that my previous post was not meant to be ''ugly'' / ''rude'' / ''cute'' / etc.
My apologies if it came across in such a way.
I must have been "in a hurry" when I wrote it... ?
What I had in mind at the time was intended to suggest that you be very careful not to seek out the 'commentary' or 'teaching' of anyone else in such a way as to allow it to "stand in" for the Holy Spirit -- Who is - and must be - the true teacher.
In other words - there can be no better or greater "resource" than the Word of God itself...
I am sure that there are probably some "good resources" out there -- just be careful in your search -- there are no doubt many more "bad resources" out there than good ones.
.
K
kessy001
Guest
When we try to do things by our own strength, we struggle and often times fail. The truth is we can't please God by our own strength. I think you should spend more time praying. Ask the Holy spirit to lead through you. Also remember fear is a spirit and its of the devil, cos God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind! Declare this word over your life constantly and i trust that leading would no longer be a 'task' for you.Thank you both for you help. It is very encouraging.
It is not so much a lack of skill, it is more of a lack of an environment where I can build and refine my leadership skills, but more importantly, build up my confidence in that I can be a leader. I know that I am a born leader, it is in my blood. I have felt it all my life. I want to be a Shepard with his own flock.
At work now, there is two other full time guys, and two high school students.... The oldest full time is 25, and the other one is 19... As with most people I have found in AB, they are Me focused, and they do what they want.... and avoid the work they do not want to..... I, or any one else, ask for help.... it is minimal to avoiding help.... I use all the manners that I grew up with, and I ask as nicely as I can... still rejected.... 20 years of living with people like this, dealing with people like this....... it hurts... Soo much......
My wife and I have only been married for 7 months. I know that she wants me to lead in a loving way. She knows that I want to lead, but that I am scared to lead. Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do.
Another thing that does not help is that I can get a panic attack on "anything," and my mind shuts down....
I need to be off to bed, and to try and fall asleep. Again, thanks Soo Much!!
In my opinion no resource, written by man, can help you be the leader God destined you to be as much as the Holyspirit can.