Husband's ex girlfriend

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
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My husband is friends with one of his exes whom he dated twice, once in the 1990’s and once in the 2000’s. From what he told me, she has the emotional maturity of a teenager. From his own personal experience, she is selfish and she does what she wants to do when she wants to do it. She broke up a while ago with a friend of my husband, but this is not the first time this has happened. According to my husband, they have a long history of dating and breaking up. According to him, she has come to him in the past after her breakups wanting a shoulder to cry on. I have met her. All of us are in our forties.

The last time she broke up with the friend of my husband, she sent him a text stating that. His response was ‘Why are you texting me? What do you want me to do? I am married. There is not much that I can do. I am a Christian. You keep on dating him and breaking up with him. I would not know how to help you except to pray for you.’ She continued to text him when he and I were at home. Her texts included… hi, what are you doing? Good night. Have you spoken to *person*?

According to my husband, she has not texted him about her breakup.

Recently she texted about the fact that her niece was admitted to the hospital. Turns out her niece has leukemia. She has been texting my husband updates regarding her niece.

Should I be concerned about her behavior?
 
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Sounds as though she's co-dependant on your husband. She can't seem to leave him alone, even when he's clearly refused to communicate with her. Perhaps him texting her is not the right way to go about this. You may both need to meet with her in person, or on the phone, and Both of you say that she is no longer welcome to text, call, email or any other form of contact you or your husband. And that continuing the behavior will be taken as harassment, in which case you will contact the authorities to file a complaint. Him texting her is obviously not working, so you need to take a stronger approach. Tell her you will be praying for her and her niece, but that is all you will do for her anymore. No more contact.
 
Based on his response that you stated above I wouldn't be worried. But if you have that insecure feeling in your gut, I would absolutely voice that feeling to your husband and just simply ask him not to respond to her texts from this point on. As his wife I believe that is your right- in our world full of temptation and sin, the devil will use even a tiny little crack to his advantage. Best to nip it in the bud- but honestly it sounds like your husband is handling it quite appropriately. God bless you and your family.
 
I agree with brokenwife. I'm very sorry to hear about her Niece and I'm sure you all will pray for her. But your husband can't be the shoulder she leans on anymore and she need's to stop her behavior. I wouldn't be happy if someone like this was texting my husband either.
 
OP doesn't seem worried about her husband, but rather the woman. The last line is 'should i be worried about HER behavior?'. I think she's concerned if this woman is a potential threat, not that she's questioning her husband. Her husband is already doing the right thing and the OP shows no signs of concern about him, or his actions.
 
Ugly said:
OP doesn't seem worried about her husband, but rather the woman. The last line is 'should i be worried about HER behavior?'. I think she's concerned if this woman is a potential threat, not that she's questioning her husband. Her husband is already doing the right thing and the OP shows no signs of concern about him, or his actions.
Click to expand...

A better way to write the last sentence is...

Should I be concerned about anything regarding the entire situation? That is what I am wondering.
 
I think it's great that your husband has been straight with you about this woman, their past, her texts and his response.

It might be good to simply text her that you BOTH will be praying for her niece, but that you will be blocking her number. She needs to move on.
 
My husband told me that he wants to show his ex-girlfriend what it means to be a Christian and treat her the way that Jesus would treat her.

He does not want to abandon her.

He and his male friend who dated and broke up with her many times were trying to encourage me to be her friend. Both of them told me that she does not have that many friends.

But she is no longer my husband's responsibility.

So why does he feel that he can help her? What is the best way for him to help her?
 
If you are both mature Christians who can minister to people by meeting with them and praying with them, you could both meet with her and pray with her. If you are present every time you meet, that may be okay.

Maybe she's the type who feels like she has to have a man to comfort her. When the boyfriend was gone, she went to her old boyfriend, your husband, for comfort.
 
You should be concern!! But it is your husband responsiblity to handle the situation in a loving, mature and christian manner. If your husband is more concern about her having a shoulder to cry on rather than your emotional and marital security, then the problem is not the ex girlfireind!
 
According to my husband, his ex feels that he can help her with her problems.

Since she has the mind and emotions of a teenager, he has to break down anything he explains to her in a way that an adolescent would understand.

She does have a difficult time understanding the word no.

According to my husband and the male friend of his whom my husband's ex has dated off and on...

There was a time when he needed some space from her because she was constantly texting him. He asked her not to text him for a while. But she did not stop texting him. She constantly texted him every day even thought he repeatedly texted her to stop texting him. She finally stopped after two months. Then there was a female friend of hers who asked her mom to let her know that she needs to stop constantly texting her. But she did not listen to her mom. She continued to constantly text her.

My husband feels that he has a gift to help others. Plus he has female friends who come to him for help with their problems. He feels as Christians that helping others is the right thing to do.

As a married Christian, how should he be helping his female friends? When should he draw the line regarding helping his female friends? What kind of help can a married man provide to a single female friend?
 
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