I can feel God working in my heart again!

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ChristianGirlLivingLife

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It has been a really difficult school year. I am a current senior in high school, worrying about so many things and sometimes even prioritizing things over God. I have moved states my senior year, which made me lose touch with Him quite a lot. I didn't have the same Christian friendships, or strong bonds with other Christians. It has been a struggle. Throughout the year, I've dealt with some guys who I let hurt me, which resulted in some mental and emotional scarring. I've had others (those who I don't want to contact me ever again) contact me and remind me of my past being terrible. I felt prideful, ashamed in myself, feeling like God hasn't fully forgiven me, even though I haven't forgiven myself. School has become a lot harder and a lot more stressful, which resulted in me losing touch in God almost completely. I ended up not going to church AT ALL for about four months. Those four months were when I felt so alone and so isolated and so hurt and beaten by the world. Satan had a way of bruising my heart, reminding me of the wrong, and encouraged me to sin, thinking it was okay. I felt so alone. It was to the point to where I had several breakdowns in my room, asking God (thinking He wasn't there) for guidance and help. I felt disconnected from my family, from my friends at church, from my friends at school, from everyone. I developed harsh relationships with my family especially, especially my mother. It was the most isolated I've felt in my entire life.

But God has a way of having things all fall into place. God has a way of healing and making things right and encouraging. I chased after things thinking I was going to feel good, but it was never lasting. Those feelings were always temporary.

God started working into my heart when I decided to get back into attending church often. I started going to more and more events at church, trying to socialize again. It has been a blessing of the people God has put into my life. I've made great Christian friends since I moved to help me through my rocky relationship with God. I became more open, and allowed them to heal me. Their wisdom has helped me so much, as I felt like God is opening me up more and making feel like I have potential to better myself. I've also made God more of a priority, despite the stress I have over school. I've begun to go to get in touch with God several times this week: for me Sunday is church, Wednesday I Skype my old small group (bible study), my friends back when I moved, Thursday is Bible Study at school, Friday is Bible Study with close friends and Saturday is usually an event hosted by the church, etc. But everyday I've communicated with my Christian brothers and sisters and keep company with them. I never want to feel isolated again.

As for my past, I've let it all go. I did that by confessing to my sisters of my past whereabouts, open to breaking down in front of them, because I was holding it all back for so long. As for the people who try to contact me, I let them know that I don't want them to be in my life because I've changed my lifestyle, and some have come to respect that.

As for my family, it's a working progress. I'm starting to trust them again, and they are seeing a change in me. My mother and I are getting on better terms, and I'm hoping God can help us connect again.

As for others, they continue to tempt me, but I block them off (off my phone and stuff). God has taught me to stay strong, and I really don't want to disappoint Him anymore. I've disappointed Him for so long, and that resulted in feeling so alone and distant. I do not want that for myself anymore.

God is always there, and He will never reject me for my mistakes. I feel like I have a clearer mind, and I have a stronger desire to go to church and have bible study. I want to see God often, and I don't want to ever lose that fire ever again.

Bless all of you for understanding and investing in reading into my situation. I hope you never lose touch in God. He is so powerful and He can give you an abundant amount of love. Nothing in the world could make you feel that but Him.
 
I'm so happy to see a 17 year old teenager type this. I was off the rails at seventeen, and when I think of teenagers, I get scared (because I remember what I was like). But there is a wise and very aware and heart felt young women coming out through your words that is encouraging. I rejoice hearing about the decisions you have been making and the way you have been seeking God again. God loves you so dearly and rejoices over you. You are wonderful!
 
well dear, i'm sure that you(as all of us) have sinned. but if you recall jesus didnt talk a lot about condemnation. much of what we call sin is simply stupidity. i suspect that god is easier on our stupidity than we are (at least in my case i hope so) when you're knocked down the best way to get up is first on your knees in prayer, then on your feet following him. jesus was pretty forgiving. he told a lot of worthwhile stories and the hardest thing that he said (that i recall) was if you step over a beggar in your doorway something bad will happen to you. it's wonderful that you have found a church home, but remember ..... as christians we are following someone who spent more time in the streets kneeling beside and comforting the weak and poor than he did in church. it's true he died for us but he also lived for us and knelt in the dirt sharing his own self with a blind beggar. the church is here to strengthen and comfort. but it's there to strengthen and comfort us to prepare us to go into the world following him and serving some people who can be pretty nasty at times. i'm praying for you.
 
God Bless you all! Thanks you all for investing your time in reading into my testimony! I wish you the best with your relationship with Him!
 
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