I don't know what to do anymore

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KEC0424

Guest
#1
#1
I have been married for just 5 years. He was my best friend from the start. He was in the military. We got married before he deployed for the 2nd time. We never lived together before we got married. When I moved half way across the country to move and start our life together. I had never lived away from home and I thought this was going to be amazing because we will have to lean on each other from the start. I ended up moving there 10 months to the date of when we got married. Things were not good from the start. He yelled at me and picked fights all the time. I thought it was just him adjusting to being back in the states and home. well fast forward 4 years and it is worse then ever. He recently has started being physical with me. No hitting but pushing and shoving and he belittles me and I just cannot take it any longer. I know that the only reason I can divorce him is if he cheats. I asked him to go with me and get help with me for our marriage and he doesn't want to. I am tired and stressed and numb to it all. Can anyone give me advice about this? I have prayed it seems that is all I do anymore and it is not getting better and I can't even se a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#2
#2
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through! :(

I know Christians have differing views on this, but I have to throw this out there:

There is no excuse, in my mind, for abuse. I believe the danger your husband now represents is significant, and do not believe the Lord would have you stay in a situation where you could be injured, or worse. Whether or not you end your marriage legally is, IMO, between you and God. But I would wish you to be far away from a situation where you could be hurt!!

Do you still have family you could go to? I just wish you would be somewhere safe while you and your husband work this out. Of course, staying married is best, but being abused is totally NOT okay.

Not to say this would be your experience, but my daughter is a psychology major/social work minor who is specially trained in and works with victims of rape/abuse. What she normally finds is that it begins as you describe, and gets progressively worse. If you find he's escalating, GO.

I will be praying for you, beloved of the Father. You are so precious to Him! I pray He will give you hope, and the right path. Be safe!!

love in Jesus ~ellie

 
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Canadian36

Canadian36

Banned
#3
Oct 20, 2011
490
1
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#3
You should get out of there asap. Remember military guys generally have some form of ptsd
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#4
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#4
I'm so sorry you're going through this! It must be very hard and very hurtful.

Yes, seeking counseling would seem to me to be a good first step. But what if he won't go? Then I suggest you find another place to live until he agrees to get help. You do not have to let him abuse you verbally OR physically.

Make it clear that you are not 'leaving him' but that you both need to be apart for awhile and that you both need to go to counseling to figure out how to repair your marriage. Tell him that you still love him but you can't live like that...something needs to change.

Praying for God's comfort and guidance for you during this difficult time! Seek Christian friends that you can lean on....they are a great blessing :)

I'm also praying for the Spirit to work in your husband's heart and mind :)
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#5
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#5
Alot of god advise so far.
Ill be praying in Jesus for you both.

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
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honey52

Guest
#6
#6
There is no way, NO WAY God would want to see you physically harmed. My "other" is a verbal nightmare & I keep losing the courage to get him out although he has knocked my confidence to the ground, if he ever touched me in a harmful way- Goodbye & I believe with God's blessing. Bible preaching talks about submissive wives, not punching bags. I have never seen physicality lessen, only escalate. If you have family or close friend to stay with, possibly that would be a good respite-right now he's not taking your words as having anything behind them. Pray for intervention in his heart while you are safely away. God Bless Honey52
 
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KEC0424

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you all so much for everyones support and prayers. I am still praying and trying to figure out what God wants me to do about this situation. I can use all the prayer I can get
 
Keenen

Keenen

Senior Member
#8
Apr 20, 2012
373
7
18
l.facebook.com
#8
I will pray for you continually. :) Have faith and stay strong in the Lord. I agree that you should separate with him until he agrees to go to counseling.
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#9
#9
I watched my dad abuse my mom until the day he died,
He did get physical in the 52yrs they where married,
but most of the time he was controling and verbally abusive.
He got help a few times, but always went back to his old ways.
My mom never change her behavior, so she enabled him to hurt her.
He stopped getting physical with her when my brothers got older.
(They would protect her.)
You are on my heart and in my prayers.
I pray that God gives you wisdom and insight,
So you can change how you deal with him.
You do need to protect yourself.
Military does not allow husbands to abuse wives.
I know you don't want to get him into trouble,
but you should go get support.
God bless you and keep you, Shekaniah
 
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