Background info sister passed away in 2013 my first birthday without her two weeks to the day after I turned 26 I met the love of my life we were engaged dated for 9 months then I broke it off after he got incredibly mentally abusive. After a year-and-a-half of not dating I dated another mentally abusive jerk who want me on a 800 calorie a day diet we broke up November 2016. Fast forward last week a few days after my 30th birthday I had a seizure at work actually I had three within minutes of each other and I've never had one before I panicked.. I thought I was dying and I was terrified. I kept seeing my ex fiance, I kept yelling for him to come. Long story short I messaged him today after not talking for years there are pictures of him that he posted on p*** sites having sex with men and women. I know he's not the love of my life I know he was only in my life for a short time but it kills me everyday because he's happy dating Three Men and two women meanwhile I haven't had a date in 2 years. I go back to work on Monday and lately I've just been so anxious and depressed. I've tried walking, I've tried heavy breathing, I've tried everything the doctor has said and my anxiety and depression are still there. I hate being sad all the time, I hate being a downer and more importantly I hate going to work from 8 to 4:30 constantly feeling anxious sitting at my desk waiting for a call. I should mention I work at a call center. Any advice on how I can get over this? I go to a priest and a therapist and I still feel lousy. I miss feeling happy, I miss feeling at ease and that peace. I don't believe in medication for mind altering so I refuse to take an antidepressant. Thanks for listening.
God bless
God bless