I feel like my life is on hold!!!

[RachelP03]

I was with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. We were each others one and only, since we have been together since 15. My husband last February left me for a homewrecker. He works with her and she is known to break up marriages and "get around". Obviously we were not those kind of people. He admitted to reaching out to her and said he didnt love me anymore. I know I wasnt the perfect wife and had some issues for I have faced many trials in my life, but he stood before God and took that vow.
Now, after he left, I fell into a deep depression. I stopped eating and drinking for weeks and alot of my friends and family were concerned about me. He cut all ties with me and communication. A month later we had another couple friend that we used to hang out with (husband worked with him), his wife left him and cheated. I was there for both of them, but soon came to the conclusion that she was like my husband and ended up choosing his side. We were there for each other, we both fought for our marriages, told them we would do anything to try and have it work and they both were like NOPE and left. So to be honest, our feelings grew for each other. One thing led to another and before you know it, we were living in sin. I always knew he "wasnt the one" and always felt the guilt of being with him, but I did love him and we had so much fun. We did get strong as individuals and at the beginning of December, God spoke to his heart and told him I "wasnt the one". I know God knew I was too weak to do leave. I had always felt it in my heart but just couldnt do it. We both still love and care about each other very much and we actually cant even see each other, cause our feelings are still there, but we do respect each other.
Now....so after a week of us breaking up, God told me to fight for my marriage. I didnt know how to do that or what to do, but to pray. Also God told me to put my wedding bands on and watch Fireproof. The very next night my husband texted me and told me "Hey Joy Rachel, Im sorry I was unfaithful, Im sorry I hurt you", out of the blue. I cried!!! I then told him I was fighting for us and he said, he didnt know how it could work out. I told him, I didnt know either....but through getting stronger through God, God has told me he can change hearts.
So that leaves me to this. My husband was talking to this girl and told her all these bad things that I did in our marriage, but just praised his mistress. I was hurt!!!! But yet, he tells her, he has strayed from God and feels empty at times. We were that strong Christian couple, who held hands and prayed daily, went to church, etc. It could of been better, but hey, we arnt perfect.
For once, Im putting my faith and trust in Jesus, and I want His will to be done. But the thing is.....I dont know if I want my husband. I dont have that love for him that I did. I actually love and care more about my ex bf. Is this normal??? I dont understand why I have feelings for someone I KNOW Im not supposed to be with, but dont have any feelings for someone i should and need to be with. Do you think God has taken the desire of romance of my husband away to focus on God?? I know God wants and needs to be number one in my life, which I without realizing it, put people before him. I feel like my life is on hold and I dont know whats going to happen or who Im going to end up and 2012 kinda scares me, since 2011 stunk. Please pray for me and if you have any advice or encouregement, I would appreciate it dearly!!
(also, my husband and I do text, we dont hate each other and when I had to have my appendix out, he went and got me food and went shopping for me)

 

[Kyouken]

I don't have anything to offer except encouragement. I really have no idea or understanding about how you are feeling, but you must feel terrible after all this. Oi.

As long as you keep looking up, He'll show you the way. Reach out your hand to Him, and He'll take it; His hand is waiting for yours. God bless you!

 

[violakat]

I honestly don't know what to tell you. Especially never having been in your situation. I do know, however, what it's like feeling like your life is on hold, and that can be a scary feeling at times. As if life is passing you by and you don't know how to continue on.

All I can tell you is what a former SS teacher use to say, take it to God. Everything. Go to God with all your insecurities, all your hurts, all your bitterness. IF you believe that God wants you to fight for your marriage, then fight for it. You would not be the first couple that God has restored after a divorce has happened, or after the husband left for another woman. I've known of two other couples, with similar situations, that this has happened. And I would not be surprised if there were tons more.

You see, God is into restoring, but not just marriages, but hearts. The only way your marriage will ever be restored is if God restores both your husbands and your heart. While it maybe hard, you are going to have to learn to forgive him. Also, I suggest that you seek a Christian Marital Counselor who can help you see where the problems in your relationship occurred, and how to get pass them through God. It is never wrong to seek Godly advice.

Pray for your husband daily and pray for yourself as well. Pray that you will forgive him for what's happened in the past and that you will have the strength to do what's right, even if it seems impossible.

 

[shemaiah]

One of the things I've learnt this year is that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord. No matter how hopeless things maybe now, God can and will make them better than before. Continue praying and God will lead you on. God bless

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

I know all of our posts are kind of not helpful as far as wisdom for you concerning how to deal with the situation. It is a delicate situation which i would feel no position to even try interjecting nuggets of wisdom and knowledge for you.

I would like to remind you that there is no sin worse then any other sin. I agree he has faults, but you have admitted that you too have had your own struggles. With that understanding try to keep an open heart to forgiveness. knowing that you are both on the same level i feel helps any relationship that is having problems.

Also keep in ind God promises that he won't give us any trial we can't handle. obviously you are going through this cause God knows you are strong enough to handle it. So as much as a curse it maty appear to be at the time, its an honor God thinks so highly of you.

 

[Calmador]

Basically I can see this marriage can still be saved... yes you and your husband are seperated, and have made some bad moves but LOOK theres hope, you and him are texting and talking about getting back to together. I seriously think you should try to get together because marriage is about that... sticking together. And both of you are still bound to each other, your husband isn't marrried to another and you arent either... and even if you have stronger feelings to another man... Thats what the promise is for... the vows, for better or worse... and wow you two have been together for 10 years, I'm sure with God and love, this marriage can be restored. Suggest a date with your husband. Go to your pastor, pastors wife if you feel more comfortable. I dont think its over at all. I think God would want us to do EVERYTHING possible to restore marriage, Jesus said, what God has joined together, let no man seperate. No man seperate... that includes you and your feelings of this other man. Feelings, and love, that can be restored with your husband. Pray and keeep fighting for your marriage. Its not over (hugs) Text him, call him, remember the good times with him, youve been with him forever it seems, both of you know each other so well... it can work ok =]

A marriage counselor once said... press the reset button... the reset button is forgiveness... press it, and ask him to press it and get back together, it can work. Just forgive each other, tell him your sorry and tell him he should be sorry too. In time, the scars will be healed, love each other ok, pray and read your Bible.... and BE OF GOOD CHEER, SMILE theres hope.

 

[Calmador]

Matthew 19:6

6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

John 16:33

33These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

1 Peter 4:8

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Just forgive each other and, respect your husband be submissive to him, and your husband has to be submissive to Jesus Christ and love you like Jesus loved the church, talk to him and help him get things back in order. You two can do it, have a huge advantage, from just 10 years of being together. Pray first and then act.

 

[RachelP03]

I know all of our posts are kind of not helpful as far as wisdom for you concerning how to deal with the situation. It is a delicate situation which i would feel no position to even try interjecting nuggets of wisdom and knowledge for you.

I would like to remind you that there is no sin worse then any other sin. I agree he has faults, but you have admitted that you too have had your own struggles. With that understanding try to keep an open heart to forgiveness. knowing that you are both on the same level i feel helps any relationship that is having problems.

Also keep in mind God promises that he won't give us any trial we can't handle. obviously you are going through this cause God knows you are strong enough to handle it. So as much as a curse it may appear to be at the time, its an honor God thinks so highly of you.

Thank you for this!!!! I have gone through alot of trials, which I know everyone has!!! At 16, I lost my mom to cancer, at 19 I faced Kidney Cancer, at 23 we miscarried twins, at 24 we had an ectopic pregnancy and at 25 my husband walked out on me. We also had alot of infertility issues which i know put a strain on our marriage. We dont have any living children. I know with all that I have gone through,(which my husband was there for me through all of them) that it was Gods strength.....sometimes I wonder why, did I need to face these trials. Alot of my friends even say....Dang Rachel, why is it always you? But GOd spoke to me and told me with all this, I will write a book and reach and touch many people with my testimony!!! But those words really made me cry. Thank you!

 

[RachelP03]

Basically I can see this marriage can still be saved... yes you and your husband are seperated, and have made some bad moves but LOOK theres hope, you and him are texting and talking about getting back to together. I seriously think you should try to get together because marriage is about that... sticking together. And both of you are still bound to each other, your husband isn't marrried to another and you arent either... and even if you have stronger feelings to another man... Thats what the promise is for... the vows, for better or worse... and wow you two have been together for 10 years, I'm sure with God and love, this marriage can be restored. Suggest a date with your husband. Go to your pastor, pastors wife if you feel more comfortable. I dont think its over at all. I think God would want us to do EVERYTHING possible to restore marriage, Jesus said, what God has joined together, let no man seperate. No man seperate... that includes you and your feelings of this other man. Feelings, and love, that can be restored with your husband. Pray and keeep fighting for your marriage. Its not over (hugs) Text him, call him, remember the good times with him, youve been with him forever it seems, both of you know each other so well... it can work ok =]

A marriage counselor once said... press the reset button... the reset button is forgiveness... press it, and ask him to press it and get back together, it can work. Just forgive each other, tell him your sorry and tell him he should be sorry too. In time, the scars will be healed, love each other ok, pray and read your Bible.... and BE OF GOOD CHEER, SMILE theres hope.

I know God can do anything. I knew a friend who was told from God to fight for her marriage and she did, but they still ended in divorce. One day He told her, not to anymore. I dont want to be that person, but I know she has no doubts because she knows in her heart and God knows, that she tried everything. I know God can change and restore our hearts. Just like he did Jonahs. It took drastic measures, but it still happened. There is a reason why my husband hasnt gotten the divorce. I dont know if its because hes lazy or what. Its almost been a year. Deep down, which is from God, I want our marriage to be restored and know it can be. But I guess my human side, just wants someone else, something new, something better. But I do want my husband and even me to be the wife and husband we are made to be from God. I need my husband to lead me and I need to submit to him. I pray for him daily and hope that he can turn from this darkness back to God!!! Thank you for the prayers and for responding!

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

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Thank you for this!!!! I have gone through alot of trials, which I know everyone has!!! At 16, I lost my mom to cancer, at 19 I faced Kidney Cancer, at 23 we miscarried twins, at 24 we had an ectopic pregnancy and at 25 my husband walked out on me. We also had alot of infertility issues which i know put a strain on our marriage. We dont have any living children. I know with all that I have gone through,(which my husband was there for me through all of them) that it was Gods strength.....sometimes I wonder why, did I need to face these trials. Alot of my friends even say....Dang Rachel, why is it always you? But GOd spoke to me and told me with all this, I will write a book and reach and touch many people with my testimony!!! But those words really made me cry. Thank you!

Remember Job's friends said the same thing to him. Obviously you have done somethign to make God angry, and why don't you just quit while you are a head.

So at this point you have someone to relate too lol! Read through the book of Job. See the trials and everything he was put through. See how the outcome of his suffering was when he held fast.

I know i have never talked to you in my life, but i feel like i passed your message for a reason.

I pray our little pep talked helped, and was in every way enlightening .

May the peace of HaShem be with you always,
Shalom.

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

Btw i was hit by a truck while walking across the street, my mom and step-mom were both diagnosed with breast cancer, and my Dad died in an airplane crash last year. I know trials.

I am not just preaching at you, it's all wisdom and knowledge i had to learn first. My heart goes out to you.

 

[RachelP03]

Remember Job's friends said the same thing to him. Obviously you have done somethign to make God angry, and why don't you just quit while you are a head.

So at this point you have someone to relate too lol! Read through the book of Job. See the trials and everything he was put through. See how the outcome of his suffering was when he held fast.

I know i have never talked to you in my life, but i feel like i passed your message for a reason.

I pray our little pep talked helped, and was in every way enlightening .

May the peace of HaShem be with you always,
Shalom.

I do have someone I can relate too....lol!!!! And then I relate my husband to Jonah!!! lol I believe everything happens for a reason too. I joined this website last night, not even knowing it existed. I just put Christian Chat in my google and this came up. I just knew I need some encouraging help and words Who would of known!!! GOD!!!!

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

Word up! There is a lot of solid fellowship here. We may not always agree with you, but you won't be consumed.

I am one of the young one's, but there is a lot of kids to choose from on here to talk to.

 

[vogts99]

Your life is right where it needs to be, I have the same feelings that you have and same questions. God is so big that nothing is impossible for him to take care of and he has a plan for you and it is much better than the one you have in your mind for yourself. Struggling and hitting rock bottom is something that I have learned has helped, for without this the desire and will to push on may not have been there. Hang in there and I will pray for you, may you have a blessed day.

 

[RachelP03]

Your life is right where it needs to be, I have the same feelings that you have and same questions. God is so big that nothing is impossible for him to take care of and he has a plan for you and it is much better than the one you have in your mind for yourself. Struggling and hitting rock bottom is something that I have learned has helped, for without this the desire and will to push on may not have been there. Hang in there and I will pray for you, may you have a blessed day.

I needed to hear these words.....thank you so much. Im glad someone out there feels and has the same questions as me.....sometimes I do feel alone in my situation!!!! Thank you again!!!

 

[TheAristocat]

I was with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. We were each others one and only, since we have been together since 15. My husband last February left me for a homewrecker. He works with her and she is known to break up marriages and "get around". Obviously we were not those kind of people. He admitted to reaching out to her and said he didnt love me anymore. I know I wasnt the perfect wife and had some issues for I have faced many trials in my life, but he stood before God and took that vow.
Now, after he left, I fell into a deep depression. I stopped eating and drinking for weeks and alot of my friends and family were concerned about me. He cut all ties with me and communication. A month later we had another couple friend that we used to hang out with (husband worked with him), his wife left him and cheated. I was there for both of them, but soon came to the conclusion that she was like my husband and ended up choosing his side. We were there for each other, we both fought for our marriages, told them we would do anything to try and have it work and they both were like NOPE and left. So to be honest, our feelings grew for each other. One thing led to another and before you know it, we were living in sin. I always knew he "wasnt the one" and always felt the guilt of being with him, but I did love him and we had so much fun. We did get strong as individuals and at the beginning of December, God spoke to his heart and told him I "wasnt the one". I know God knew I was too weak to do leave. I had always felt it in my heart but just couldnt do it. We both still love and care about each other very much and we actually cant even see each other, cause our feelings are still there, but we do respect each other.
Now....so after a week of us breaking up, God told me to fight for my marriage. I didnt know how to do that or what to do, but to pray. Also God told me to put my wedding bands on and watch Fireproof. The very next night my husband texted me and told me "Hey Joy Rachel, Im sorry I was unfaithful, Im sorry I hurt you", out of the blue. I cried!!! I then told him I was fighting for us and he said, he didnt know how it could work out. I told him, I didnt know either....but through getting stronger through God, God has told me he can change hearts.
So that leaves me to this. My husband was talking to this girl and told her all these bad things that I did in our marriage, but just praised his mistress. I was hurt!!!! But yet, he tells her, he has strayed from God and feels empty at times. We were that strong Christian couple, who held hands and prayed daily, went to church, etc. It could of been better, but hey, we arnt perfect.
For once, Im putting my faith and trust in Jesus, and I want His will to be done. But the thing is.....I dont know if I want my husband. I dont have that love for him that I did. I actually love and care more about my ex bf. Is this normal??? I dont understand why I have feelings for someone I KNOW Im not supposed to be with, but dont have any feelings for someone i should and need to be with. Do you think God has taken the desire of romance of my husband away to focus on God?? I know God wants and needs to be number one in my life, which I without realizing it, put people before him. I feel like my life is on hold and I dont know whats going to happen or who Im going to end up and 2012 kinda scares me, since 2011 stunk. Please pray for me and if you have any advice or encouregement, I would appreciate it dearly!!
(also, my husband and I do text, we dont hate each other and when I had to have my appendix out, he went and got me food and went shopping for me)

Love to me isn't about feelings. It's about having someone's best interests in mind come rain or sun. That means you care about them even when you don't feel it in your heart. If love is devoid of passion then it becomes a duty, but it is a noble duty. Do what you think God would want you to do. If you and your husband have not married others then I imagine you could accept each other back and start over.

Of course it wouldn't be like before, but I think you've already got that part figured out. Your heart should be on God now and loving him above all others. If you do this then you will automatically be loving your fellow man. If your husband objects, then who can change his mind but God? Do what God would want you to do. No matter what comes he created you, and he can make you happy. With God all things are possible.

 

[RachelP03]

Love to me isn't about feelings. It's about having someone's best interests in mind come rain or sun. That means you care about them even when you don't feel it in your heart. If love is devoid of passion then it becomes a duty, but it is a noble duty. Do what you think God would want you to do. If you and your husband have not married others then I imagine you could accept each other back and start over.

Of course it wouldn't be like before, but I think you've already got that part figured out. Your heart should be on God now and loving him above all others. If you do this then you will automatically be loving your fellow man. If your husband objects, then who can change his mind but God? Do what God would want you to do. No matter what comes he created you, and he can make you happy. With God all things are possible.

Thank you so much!!!! I needed to hear this!!!! I know God can do anything. The devil keeps attacking me day and night and I keep rebuking him Jesus Name!!!! I want 2012 to be about me and God. I want to focus on me and lose some weight and get closer to God and do HIS Will, and not worry about anyone else.....other then when I need too of course. I need to be focused and I need prayer

 

[Kyouken]

Thank you so much!!!! I needed to hear this!!!! I know God can do anything. The devil keeps attacking me day and night and I keep rebuking him Jesus Name!!!! I want 2012 to be about me and God. I want to focus on me and lose some weight and get closer to God and do HIS Will, and not worry about anyone else.....other then when I need too of course. I need to be focused and I need prayer

I'm not sure if this is the right time for this, but something caught my eye here:
"The devil keeps attacking me day and night and I keep rebuking him Jesus Name!!!!"

Something I learned last night is that if the devil's on your case, the best you can do is laugh in his face and praise God. I don't say this to condemn or whatever, but rebuking him is actually an act of fear, which gives him power. While there is a certain time and place for rebuking the devil, continually doing it just gives him power over you. He's already lost, anyway. The devil's a loser, and you're a winner. Heck, you being born again means you've already won!

 

[Calmador]

Try fasting with 100% focus on God and his will

Remember Jesus summed it up when said 2 great commandments:

1. Love God with all your heart, soul, spirit, and body... basically everything you got
2. Love others as you would yourself.

Also I can't help but recommend you keep going for your dear husband, again from what I read, in your first post... seems theres hope, definitely hope and with God I know it can be restored. Its not that hard, text, try to be friendly with your husband... and hopefully you two will start dating or what the heck just mmove in together already lol your his wife and his your husband, nothing wrong with just being as close as possible. Its good.

Also heres some other things you can do.

1. Pray for yourself AND also pray for other people, maybe you know someone whos going thro the same thing, pray for her?
2. Fast
3. Make sure your tithing
4. Worship and praise (think their the same?), just say God your good and worthy and mean it
5. Go to Church
6. Read Bible
7. Oh and when you want to talk to someone about your problems, go to a Christian friend/pastor/stranger, NOT non-Christian ok? But before you go to a Christian friend, go to God first.

 

[preschoolteacher24]

I never been married but I have been cheated on with a girl at his job only similar thing I see I believe read. I prayed for mine but for my situation it was better we aparted I mean I would of not been able too live with it i guess. That and my ex told me he wasn't a believer when we ended soo much more i could get into detail but I rather not. I was engaged and a women whom knew i was in bed rest super injured took him but that's not the point. I know couples after being apart time they reunite and never look back but that's the thing once u are hurt its like u don't think the same tours them no matter how hard u try. So maybe god is telling you concentrate on him and you'll get a answer.