Satan and Jesus do not have anything in common because your outlook and view of GOD is not who God really is.
who you describe with these words "The Old Testament God is a very jealous and spiteful and sadistic and misogynistic God. It's not a very desirable character. Certainly not what you would expect of a "higher" sort of being. An all powerful all knowledgable God that would actually waste his time dealing with human affairs? That actually could care less about what we simple minded humans do?" IS Satan.
NOT God. Satan likes to claim being god. he is referred to as god of this world and does not care for people.
What do you do when the police state is corrupt and evil?
Personally I would follow Jesus' example and do whatever God tells me to.
You have a twisted view of who God really is.
So does most of the world sadly and most who call themselves Christian are not truly children of God.
My first college roommate thought she was a "Christians witch" and she had friends who were Satanist. So I know the difference between their beliefs but then that does not mean your beliefs are that much similar to theirs. I tend to take people on an individual basis.
I've read the Satanic Bible, was not impressed and prefer mine better. Satan and his demons just like to use people. they are like the old Greek and Roman gods. Do you remember the stories of Zeus and Athena, and Hera and stuff? those are what demons are like, but I doubt you've had to deal with them personally so right now you seem to just have a messed up view of who God is.
Do you know what fasting is?
most people will tell you it is not eating food. I think they are wrong for this is what the Bible says:
Isaiah 58
Fasting that Pleases God
1 “Cry aloud, spare not;
Lift up your voice like a trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression,
And the house of Jacob their sins.
2 Yet they seek Me daily,
And delight to know My ways,
As a nation that did righteousness,
And did not forsake the ordinance of their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice;
They take delight in approaching God.
3 ‘ Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’
“ In fact, in the day of your fast you find pleasure,
And exploit all your laborers.
4 Indeed you fast for strife and debate,
And to strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this day,
To make your voice heard on high.
5 Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable day to the LORD?
6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
do you notice God says it is wrong to be wicked and He does not want them going around mopping and telling themselves how sinful they are and not eating, etc? yet you see people claiming to be children of God doing this out of ignorance and self righteous pride.
they misrepresent God.
God tells His children to feed the poor, visit widows, free people, etc.
so you see a lot of people you meet claiming to be Christian are not.