God bless you all, i just would like to ask how have you learn over the rest to continuously surrender to God daily,
Start by feeling the pain and heartbreak of other people and God. Feel it fully and for real. "Immersion" in "water."
because when i sin sometimes i'm so afraid to go back to God to ask for forgiveness
You don't have to continually ask for it. It's not a changing scoreboard. The only way to get rid of that feeling is to
know you are forgiven, and ideally, stop the sin, or at least try the best you can. And "best you can" is much better than you'd think or be willing to admit, if you really don't want to hurt other people or God. It is definitely more possible than what you've been led to believe by various "how to excuse sin" sermons. It's not just self discipline, or discipline centered on trying to earn credit with or please God, it's discipline centered primarily on the well being of others. That is what pleases God.
"because i'm thinking i know the truth i know better how can i do this to God and i feel ashame to ask him for forgiveness "
That's fire. You're in it. You have to be able to be totally immersed in it and deal with it without it killing your heart, motivation, and relationship with a loving God.
Viewing and dealing with this effect properly is how you stand in the furnace and don't get burned. "Feet of brass."
and it hurts me so bad and i get a terrible feeling inside... most of all i feel lonely when i don't feel the presence of God with me and it's not a good feeling,
Change your mind about His presence. He is always there. He might be quiet, but He's still there.
If you feel lonely and want some communication, open the bible to a theoretically "random" page and read.
Chances are, if it doesn't seem like it fits the situation, you can keep reading it over and over trying to figure it out, or a little farther than you normally would and bingo.
so how do you manage to stay close and connected to Christ?
Change your idea of prayer from something that is a scheduled or spontaneous event, into something that is continually happening in your mind. Even while you do other things. It's still fine and advisable to have some special time, but be aware that God is always listening to you, and try to mold your thoughts to take advantage of that, and to make them clean in intent. Some things you don't like still just pop in to your head, but God is there with you to deal with them.
"walking" is to manifest what you are thinking. Does it add flavor to the phrase "walk in the way of sinners" ?
The more you set your purpose towards the welfare of your fellow man, the more you'll understand the thinking
with part.
The OT heroes walked with, that is continually thought and acted with God. Their goals and spirit were in sync.
Might take a while, and never stops growing. You might even already do it and not realize it. Maybe even for as long as you can remember being alive.
