I Left Behavioral Health after 23 Years: Ask me anything

[dave44]

I don't mean this to sound harsh because I can see that you are hurting and discouraged. But your answer is found in dying to yourself.

Your focus is on you: on how God is responding to you and how people are responding to you. Focus on God. You will be drawn again into His presence...draw nigh unto God, and He will draw nigh unto you. Here in His presence, you will be satisfied. You will find in Him all you need. Because of this, you will no longer look for the things you were lacking from people. Thus, you will be free to give to others as He has given to you.

Am praying for you. Grace and peace.

I get your point, but it is not helpful. Why, because all that means is "shut up, and keep looking at Jesus, even though nothing has gone anywhere or developed into a christian life and you have had all evangelism stopped when the bible says to do so?". I know you don't mean it that way, but that is in essence what your words mean.

If, I "die to self", all I end up doing is staring out of a window, content with what I have, but everyone else still goes to hell, including all my family. That does not seem christian to me. But maybe I am supposed to be like a "bhuddist monk" being "content". I don't know. The bible does not really present much of life guidance in regard to daily life. "Dying to self" seems to mean kill your desires, but then how can you follow someone if you then have no desire to do so? It makes no sense to me. Why save people if you then have no desires or wants and so forth. It seems christian, yet anti-christian at the same time.

 

[Cameron143]

I get your point, but it is not helpful. Why, because all that means is "shut up, and keep looking at Jesus, even though nothing has gone anywhere or developed into a christian life and you have had all evangelism stopped when the bible says to do so?". I know you don't mean it that way, but that is in essence what your words mean.

If, I "die to self", all I end up doing is staring out of a window, content with what I have, but everyone else still goes to hell, including all my family. That does not seem christian to me. But maybe I am supposed to be like a "bhuddist monk" being "content". I don't know. The bible does not really present much of life guidance in regard to daily life. "Dying to self" seems to mean kill your desires, but then how can you follow someone if you then have no desire to do so? It makes no sense to me. Why save people if you then have no desires or wants and so forth. It seems christian, yet anti-christian at the same time.

I forget who said it but it's true...the Christian life hasn't so much been tried and found too difficult as much as it has simply been left untried.

I know you are in a difficult place. But you can either find a way out or remain as you are. My words were not "shut up", but "cry out". I hope you learn the difference.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

How does a person become cleansed of a bitter internal greed and selfishness that did not exist as much until they backslid, and now it seems to have created anhedonia to all things, even christian> It seems like I have no future in heaven or on earth or in hell. I am merely waiting to die. There is no delivery of prayers of significance, no training for anything, no option to evangelise because God seems to have stopped me at every turn. And this leads me to a position of inactivity and merely waiting to die. I have no desire hardly at all to go to church where no-one "fellowships", where I have to do all the work of "fellowshipping" for the sake of it, and there is no "hobbies" permitted that are not sinful. Its a dead life with no hope or activity. And my prayer life is in the toilet. What does anyone do, or have hope in with this?

So you wanted to preach or go into evangelism? And God stopped you at every turn? Could you explain more what you were wanting to do where you felt God stopped you? And is this what caused you to backslide?

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I was a Clinical Therapist for 16 years and I left at the end of a 7-year stint as the CEO of a Comprehensive Service Agency.

The common narrative is that this country (U.S.) and most of the world are in the middle of a mental health crisis. I will offer my insight to anyone who asks.

Well my question is rather personal and complicated. If the whole story were told it would be a long one. So I'll try to break it down and you can see if you have any ideas to which way is best from here. My sister met and married a man with an abusive temper. To cope with that, he went to a doctor to put him on meds. Over my sisters 20 yrs of marriage she has been an emotional and mental roller coaster.When he would take himself off the meds he would get abusive mentally and emotionally. She has never admitted to him hitting her. So constant highs and lows.

Out of that situation comes two nephews. Suddenly I noticed my eldest nephew seemed to be acting like the man of the house. He was disciplining his younger brother, my sister seemed to be leaning on him like a partner instead of a son. In pictures she's cuddled close to him, almost like he was her protector. In another thread I mentioned how my eldest nephew got his girlfriend pregnant. She's due in a little over a month and my sister will not forgive him. She accuses him of living in sin and yet doesn't want him to get married. She has shut him out of the family and her husbands family agrees with her. And now I see her using the youngest as a replacement for the eldest. I'm hoping she doesn't see what she's doing but she is driving a wedge between her sons. The youngest nephew hates my oldest nephews fiance with a passion and I know that is because of his mother and father.

I'm really not sure what can be done, other than prayer. My eldest nephew came to me, I live about three hours away, with these issues and I went to my pastor and last Wed. evening myself and my parents stood as they exchanged vows. As my pastor said "In God's eyes they are already married". I figured if his parents and fathers family were going to condemn them for the sin of sex outside of marriage, then there was a fix for that. I don't believe he's told his parents yet. I expect to face a firestorm. I worry now about the youngest and what can be done to save him.

 

[Aaron56]

Well my question is rather personal and complicated. If the whole story were told it would be a long one. So I'll try to break it down and you can see if you have any ideas to which way is best from here. My sister met and married a man with an abusive temper. To cope with that, he went to a doctor to put him on meds. Over my sisters 20 yrs of marriage she has been an emotional and mental roller coaster.When he would take himself off the meds he would get abusive mentally and emotionally. She has never admitted to him hitting her. So constant highs and lows.

Out of that situation comes two nephews. Suddenly I noticed my eldest nephew seemed to be acting like the man of the house. He was disciplining his younger brother, my sister seemed to be leaning on him like a partner instead of a son. In pictures she's cuddled close to him, almost like he was her protector. In another thread I mentioned how my eldest nephew got his girlfriend pregnant. She's due in a little over a month and my sister will not forgive him. She accuses him of living in sin and yet doesn't want him to get married. She has shut him out of the family and her husbands family agrees with her. And now I see her using the youngest as a replacement for the eldest. I'm hoping she doesn't see what she's doing but she is driving a wedge between her sons. The youngest nephew hates my oldest nephews fiance with a passion and I know that is because of his mother and father.

I'm really not sure what can be done, other than prayer. My eldest nephew came to me, I live about three hours away, with these issues and I went to my pastor and last Wed. evening myself and my parents stood as they exchanged vows. As my pastor said "In God's eyes they are already married". I figured if his parents and fathers family were going to condemn them for the sin of sex outside of marriage, then there was a fix for that. I don't believe he's told his parents yet. I expect to face a firestorm. I worry now about the youngest and what can be done to save him.

There's a lot here to unpack. Pardon me if I speak in mysterious ways but it is clear you have the privilege of influencing the lives of your nephews without the responsibility of the outcome. The trust your eldest nephew shows you is commendable. He will deal with abandonment and identity issues as a young man. The neglect of "raising one in the Lord" is something psychologists can't touch but it bears very real consequences to all who are so neglected.

I encourage you to continue to be the light to those boys and to seek the Lord about your involvement in their lives. Over the years I became very aware that, for some of my patients, I was simply the only man/person they could trust. It was both a privilege and an honor. Because of this, I often had permission to speak higher things into their lives than what they were used to hearing.

Blessings

 

[Aaron56]

Is this tapping or something different?

Tapping does seem to work for some trauma.

It's different than tapping but it works on similar principles, iirc.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

There's a lot here to unpack. Pardon me if I speak in mysterious ways but it is clear you have the privilege of influencing the lives of your nephews without the responsibility of the outcome. The trust your eldest nephew shows you is commendable. He will deal with abandonment and identity issues as a young man. The neglect of "raising one in the Lord" is something psychologists can't touch but it bears very real consequences to all who are so neglected.

I encourage you to continue to be the light to those boys and to seek the Lord about your involvement in their lives. Over the years I became very aware that, for some of my patients, I was simply the only man/person they could trust. It was both a privilege and an honor. Because of this, I often had permission to speak higher things into their lives than what they were used to hearing.

Blessings

Thank you, it is a lot to unpack I realize. I seem to be getting the same message and encouragement here no matter who answers. I have been very close to my nephews, I had to fight for that. Somehow I knew that with such an unstable home, they needed somewhere to come to have peace. I mean I didn't really understand how much it meant until I apologized to my eldest nephew for not being there to save him from the chaos. He turned to me with the most serous look I have ever seen on his young face and said " You were the only ones there for me"! Meaning my mother, myself and my husband. We didn't have much time together, but we did everything we could to spend time with them, let them talk and listen to them. And we did that while traveling to every park, museum, place of interest we could find. Somehow we made a bond over that time. I'm glad he had somewhere to run, a soft place to fall.

He and his now wife attend church on their own. I don't know exactly where she stands but I am hoping to win her in spite of how my sister and her husband are acting. I want them both to know and tell them often that I am here to help them in any way possible. Before they leave to drive home we always have a prayer, family or friends, so I asked her at first if she minded. She said she didn't. Now we have established prayer with them. She cried through the vows, it seemed as if pastor had written them just for the two of them. I don't want to have to face the anger of my sister, but I will protect my nephew at all costs. One day perhaps she will mature and understand she was doing harm to her children. I love her, but I cannot allow her to destroy him as she seems bent on doing. It's almost as if I don't know her anymore. It's quite heartbreaking. Thank you for your words of advice, I appreciate it. Blessing on you too.

 

[Lanolin]

It's different than tapping but it works on similar principles, iirc.

Can you explain what it is, maybe in another thread if you have the time?
That would be appreciated.

Is it a form of deliverance, or a secular means of healing.

 

[Lanolin]

ANother questions, what things do you think need to be taught in schools (elementary, middle, high school) to address the issue, since that is where most young people spend their time. Obviously parents are too busy trying to make ends meet to do much, they are stressed out too, and grandparents are hardly there, or ill.

I was in a primary school where they introduced checkins, for behavioural health. and it was basically getting teachers asking children how they are ! But thing is for most schools classes can be anywhere up to 30 children, eith just one teacher and no single parent ever has 30 children at once. So the school environment is not a healthy one, and many parents cant afford to just homeschool unless they are quite well off and actually have a home themselves.

This just leaves children with nowhere to go.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

ANother questions, what things do you think need to be taught in schools (elementary, middle, high school) to address the issue, since that is where most young people spend their time. Obviously parents are too busy trying to make ends meet to do much, they are stressed out too, and grandparents are hardly there, or ill.

I was in a primary school where they introduced checkins, for behavioural health. and it was basically getting teachers asking children how they are ! But thing is for most schools classes can be anywhere up to 30 children, eith just one teacher and no single parent ever has 30 children at once. So the school environment is not a healthy one, and many parents cant afford to just homeschool unless they are quite well off and actually have a home themselves.

This just leaves children with nowhere to go.

This is a huge blind spot here in the US. Mostly the medicate. Both my nephews were given medication that I didn't agree with but I kept silent because they aren't mine. The youngest began to hoard garbage. We didn't know this until he stayed with my parents and my mother found stashes of garbage hidden round the house. My eldest nephew began sleeping with a knife and became overly animated over political issues, quick to lose his temper and he had never been like that before. They both were on low dose drugs but my eldest nephew says he will never go back on them and feels he suffers lapses in time and some sort of dissociative issues. I would have done some major research before putting them on meds. My mother told me in the 3rd grade my teacher wanted me to go on meds because I was "too shy and would grow up not able to face the world." Yeah, I became a traveling evangelist standing in front of hundreds of people every night. I doubt the teacher could do that! My mother refused and I am so glad she did. It helped me learn to cope and no one would ever consider me shy now.rofl Now I'm not saying people never need meds. But it's the answer to every issue here in the US and I believe a lot of it is lazy teachers. JMO

 

[Lanolin]

This is a huge blind spot here in the US. Mostly the medicate. Both my nephews were given medication that I didn't agree with but I kept silent because they aren't mine. The youngest began to hoard garbage. We didn't know this until he stayed with my parents and my mother found stashes of garbage hidden round the house. My eldest nephew began sleeping with a knife and became overly animated over political issues, quick to lose his temper and he had never been like that before. They both were on low dose drugs but my eldest nephew says he will never go back on them and feels he suffers lapses in time and some sort of dissociative issues. I would have done some major research before putting them on meds. My mother told me in the 3rd grade my teacher wanted me to go on meds because I was "too shy and would grow up not able to face the world." Yeah, I became a traveling evangelist standing in front of hundreds of people every night. I doubt the teacher could do that! My mother refused and I am so glad she did. It helped me learn to cope and no one would ever consider me shy now.rofl Now I'm not saying people never need meds. But it's the answer to every issue here in the US and I believe a lot of it is lazy teachers. JMO

Thats terrible I didn't know teachers had any authority to medicate children in the US

 

[Godsgirl1983]

Thats terrible I didn't know teachers had any authority to medicate children in the US

The don't.
But they sure want parents to drug up their kids for a "quick fix"

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Thats terrible I didn't know teachers had any authority to medicate children in the US

They put incredible pressure on parents to medicate.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

They put incredible pressure on parents to medicate.

I had a Dr. (who was a "specialist") that wanted to drug my kid at age 3, but couldn't/wouldn't diagnose the issues.
In kindergarten the teacher found out we were going to the Dr. for my other child and that we would talk to them about the kindergartner while there.
When we got to school the next day the teachers were ignoring everyone else coming in with their kids and were waiting for us by the door (like excited puppies waiting for owners to come home with tails wagging)
"what did Dr. say? Are they going to prescribe something?"

When I told them that the Dr said "make an appointment and tell the teachers that a note scribbled at the end of 1 day of frustration is NOT proper documentation" you could see the teachers were like

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I had a Dr. (who was a "specialist") that wanted to drug my kid at age 3, but couldn't/wouldn't diagnose the issues.
In kindergarten the teacher found out we were going to the Dr. for my other child and that we would talk to them about the kindergartner while there.
When we got to school the next day the teachers were ignoring everyone else coming in with their kids and were waiting for us by the door (like excited puppies waiting for owners to come home with tails wagging)
"what did Dr. say? Are they going to prescribe something?"

When I told them that the Dr said "make an appointment and tell the teachers that a note scribbled at the end of 1 day of frustration is NOT proper documentation" you could see the teachers were like

My nephews were both good kids. Their teacher said they couldn't focus. They went to Christian school and made top grades.

 

[Aaron56]

In the U.S., the healthcare system is primarily designed to do two things: get adults back to work and get children back to school. For older adults, the system is designed to reduce the burden on the adults who are working.

 

[Lanolin]

In the U.S., the healthcare system is primarily designed to do two things: get adults back to work and get children back to school. For older adults, the system is designed to reduce the burden on the adults who are working.

work and school are meant to be good things for the nation, but it all ends up killing people doesnt it.

I mean workplace injuries, stress, and bullying seem to be the norm for work and school.

Unless you find a really good workplace and school, you spend a lot of time a slave to mammon.

 

[Aaron56]

work and school are meant to be good things for the nation, but it all ends up killing people doesnt it.

I mean workplace injuries, stress, and bullying seem to be the norm for work and school.

Unless you find a really good workplace and school, you spend a lot of time a slave to mammon.

Agreed.

How a nation orients their healthcare is an indication of what the nation values above all else. The U.S. is still a champion of the Industrial Revolution, when the VALUE of a person was weighed against their ability to produce.

 

[Lanolin]

In NZ at the moment we have to source nurses from India as there arent enough. Nurse here have gone on strike, and then its doctors turn, they say they arent paid enough.

But in general, nobody it seems is paid enough except for those in the top jobs. i.e politicians and lawyers, and CEO business people.

 

[Lanolin]

Public healthcare here is very much the medical, surgical and clinical model and very western drug based, NZ had deals with Pharmac.

However there are increasing more holistic health practioners, and some charities have them that offer care for free

Most workplaces will have some kind of EPA programme, for employees who need to talk to someone, like a therapist usually first 3 sessions are free and paid for. Some have insurance, and some if there union is good offer discounted medical care.

But it gets very expensive as you get older and then most cant afford to keep paying health insurance.