i love her BUTnot in love

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wheeler

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I love my wife but am way out of love with her. Just looknin. For some biblical reasoning. Should I force myself to fall bnack in love?
Should I stay because I vowed to even thow my personal selfishness wants me to give up?
 
How does she treat you? How does she feel towards you? Assuming there is no abuse or major mistreatment, and its just more of things have gone 'stale', then you really have no basis to leave.
Good news is i believe these things can be changed. Some people enter marriages with no love at all, and fall in love, so surely you can rediscover your love for her.
Sometimes we become so accustomed to someone being around, we take them for advantage. I'm guessing that's the case here. Problem with this is when we separate from that person, we find out how much we really do desire and miss that person. Often by then its too late.
I suggest rather than focusing on the aspects of your life that have become mundane, focus on her traits that made you fall in love to begin with.
Another is to start treating her like you love her. Often times the mind will follow the bodies actions, and also, it may have an effect on her and her treatment of you. She may become more loving to you, which triggers something in you.
Love isn't Hollywood, where you find your soul mate, and you live happily ever after with an undying love. Love requires being on the ball, keeping things fresh, paying attention.
Another book that maybe help is ~~> The Five Love Languages <~~ This book helps discover the ways people view loving behavior. Could be a good book to share with your wife, or read together. This way you both learn how the other best receives loving gestures and this way you can increase the quality of how you treat each other.
Just some thoughts and suggestions. Hope something in this thread works for you.
 
That's a great reply ugly.....I'm late for work but will reread and reply tonite....thanks
 
theres a movie called fire proof. its very cute. >_< all the girls at my church love it. but theres a book that goes with it called "The love dare". its a year of devotions. prayers and little actions to do for your spouse.

Praying helps a lot. and try doing things that you don't do any more. dress up and go on a fancy date just for the two of you. i feel like NO ONE is too old for disney land. ^_^. act like you're young again and do something spontanious. i think it could only help.

I'm praying for your sucess.
 
I understand that we grow in love by inputting as much of God into our earthen vessel. I personally am going through a divorce myself. My wife and I grew apart, and she left me because she doesn't want to be a part of living after the Spirit. There's nothing I can do at this point. After not hearing from her for a while, and her not responding to any communication, I tried to make it real easy for her by asking her to atleast reply yes if she wants me dead to her. Yesterday all I got from her was a yes. She loves much in priority to God, and after 10 years of a great marriage she has had enough of trusting God with our lives. I do understand the pain, but when another person is hindering fruitfulness for Christ, it's best to love them as Christ loves the church. In my specific situation my wife left for reasons concerning disapproval of true unity, equality, and love, and the goal of unlimited fruitfulness. She simply didn't want to trust God and love all things from God. In my mind I'll always be married to her, and even adultery would not persuade me to agree to a divorce. The process is already started, and she is determined to divorce me by the end of the year. I understand what it's like grow apart, but normally in a christian home it is because one values God to a different degree than the other. Hang in there, and focus on bettering yourself as an example, and remember to honor and show acts of love which point to Jesus.

I keep you in my prayers.
 
wheeler said:
I love my wife but am way out of love with her. Just looknin. For some biblical reasoning. Should I force myself to fall bnack in love?
Should I stay because I vowed to even thow my personal selfishness wants me to give up?
Click to expand...

there is no Scriptures that teach you must be IN LOVE with your spouse, Scriptures teach that you are to love your wife, you don't have to be in love with her to fulfill that Scripture. you should stay because God hates divorce. You made a vow, keep it. Unless there is sexual immorality on her part. Put it in your head now, that you will grow old with her, she is yours to keep until you die. put out of your head of having a better life with someone else, someone that you will be in love with. God will bless the marriage your in, if you do what God wants you to do. God never wants a person to divorce. God will always test marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel. God blesses marriages that fight to make the marriage work. Talk to any happily married couple who have been married for many years, they will all tell you there was a time they wanted to get a divorce but stuck it out, These are the marriages that God will bless in due time. Love you wife like are are instructed to do as a good Christian husband, love her like you love your own self. Then see if years from now, you are not happily married and God will bless your marriage. But as long as you think divorce is on the table you will always be looking at it. Take it off the table throw it in the trash, then take out that trash and burn it, so that it never comes up again. She is who you are always going to be with until you die or the rapture comes, make it work, When God sees that you are trying to make it work, that is when He will step in and help your marriage, but if you always have that divorce, or that attitude the grass may be greener on the other side, His hands are tied from helping your marriage. Do what you are suppose to do first, then God will help you.

hope this has helped in some way.

^i^
 
Wheeler,
After 10-15 years of marriage, relationships do change.
If your heart doesn't beat for your wife as it did in the beginning, that's nothing to worry about.
However, do not take a wrong step.

After so many years, impressions are made; opinions are formed; hurts are developed; bodies change;
physical appearances change; desires change; financial situations change;
focus gets shifted to the children and cares of life, etc.
Life can get mundane and we can take our spouses for granted, causing us to fall "out of love."

It is important to realize that love is more than a feeling. It's a decision to give.
As situations change, love shouldn't.
Always look at the wife-of-your-youth as you looked at her in your youth.

Do not let satan ruin your life.
Marriages are strongholds against satan; so he puts in the bitter root to cause divisions.

Jesus never falls out of love of his church despite its many faults.
Similarly, when you decide to love (a decision) your wife as yourself, things will change. (Eph 5:25)

I'm sure she is feeling the same about you.
So, take her out for dinner or something. Talk about the early days when love was young,
and you will rediscover your love for her.

Just looknin. For some biblical reasoning.
Click to expand...
Here it is:
Ephesians 5 (KJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


Should I stay because I vowed to even thow my personal selfishness wants me to give up?
Click to expand...
It's a vow before God, and God is pretty serious about vows. It's a vow that only death can break, and you should not break it.
 
DiscipleDave said:
there is no Scriptures that teach you must be IN LOVE with your spouse, Scriptures teach that you are to love your wife, you don't have to be in love with her to fulfill that Scripture. you should stay because God hates divorce. You made a vow, keep it. Unless there is sexual immorality on her part. Put it in your head now, that you will grow old with her, she is yours to keep until you die. put out of your head of having a better life with someone else, someone that you will be in love with. God will bless the marriage your in, if you do what God wants you to do. God never wants a person to divorce. God will always test marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel. God blesses marriages that fight to make the marriage work. Talk to any happily married couple who have been married for many years, they will all tell you there was a time they wanted to get a divorce but stuck it out, These are the marriages that God will bless in due time. Love you wife like are are instructed to do as a good Christian husband, love her like you love your own self. Then see if years from now, you are not happily married and God will bless your marriage. But as long as you think divorce is on the table you will always be looking at it. Take it off the table throw it in the trash, then take out that trash and burn it, so that it never comes up again. She is who you are always going to be with until you die or the rapture comes, make it work, When God sees that you are trying to make it work, that is when He will step in and help your marriage, but if you always have that divorce, or that attitude the grass may be greener on the other side, His hands are tied from helping your marriage. Do what you are suppose to do first, then God will help you.

hope this has helped in some way.

^i^
Click to expand...
"God will always test marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel" Did you just say in this letter that God is the tempter, but yet Jesus told his disciples to pray that they may not fall into temptation at the garder of Gethsemane. So God brings people together to test if they are gonna hold fast or run from each other.
 
happyinhisway said:
"God will always test marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel" Did you just say in this letter that God is the tempter,
Click to expand...


No, i said "God will always TEST marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel" Said absolutely nothing about tempting.:)
happyinhisway said:
but yet Jesus told his disciples to pray that they may not fall into temptation at the garder of Gethsemane.
Click to expand...

Yes He did say that, and i agree with it, however that is not relevant to what we are discussing about God testing marriages.


happyinhisway said:
So God brings people together to test if they are gonna hold fast or run from each other.
Click to expand...

So True, i said the same thing ---> God will always TEST marriages to see if they would be so easily persuaded to throw in the towel"

i do appoligise for my ignorance:confused:, but i could not tell in your post if you were agreeing or disagreeing with what i said. So i responded to each thing separately if that is OK?

^i^
 
I don't think we can expect our relationship with our spouse to stay the same over time. People change, circumstances change, stresses change. The commitment we make to our spouse before God is a promise....one we need to keep.

Maybe counseling will benefit you both? It definitely is possible for a relationship to be strengthened through effort. Concentrate on the good things in your life together and rebuild on those. You both have invested a lot of yourselves into each other....finding 'someone else' would just bring a whole new set of conflicts to deal with.

Find activities that you enjoy together....especially taking trips. Seeing new places and meeting new people...together...can add interest into what might seem like a stale existence. Finding a new partner will not fix it, but make it worse.
 
I love you ONLY and PROVIDED that you first love me, treat me well etc....... Is this called LOVE? Is it the kind of love that God command us to have?
 
When I read your post-

My first thought was...your just confused.

If your wife was hurt and you almost lost her...
you would feel guilty for even feeling this way!

Have you been spending quality time with her?
We tend to grow fond of the people we spend the most time with.

I will pray for you both.
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah
 
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