I need a laugh.
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How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
I
A Christian with a sense of humor?
Well, Jesusmyone, I'll tell you the best Jesus joke I know. I read it a couple of decades ago, so you know it's not my original.
Jesus and Moses were on a walk-about. They made it to a large body of water.....Jesus asked, "Well, Moses, do you think you Still have it in you?"
Moses replied, "Well, I'll see what can be done." So, he raises his hands with his staff in one, ........ and the waters part...and Moses walks across to the other side, the waters come back together......Jesus says, "Well done!" ......Moses asks, "Well, Jesus, do YOU think you still have it in you?! Jesus replies, "Well, I'll see what can be done." And with that, he starts walking across the water toward Moses. But a few feet out, He sinks to his chest. He wades out to the shore and turns around and briskly walks on the water again....only a few feet and sinks. Jesus expresses, "Wow, I don't know what could be wrong!" Moses conjectures, "Well, I don't REALLY know, ....but it COULD be those holes in your feet. "
God Bless, Bryan
Can anyone make me laugh please? I am in need of some laughter as of right now.
I am sure others could use a good laugh right now as well.
I love you, but Jesus loves you more
John 3:16
I am sure others could use a good laugh right now as well.
I love you, but Jesus loves you more
John 3:16
Jesus and Moses were on a walk-about. They made it to a large body of water.....Jesus asked, "Well, Moses, do you think you Still have it in you?"
Moses replied, "Well, I'll see what can be done." So, he raises his hands with his staff in one, ........ and the waters part...and Moses walks across to the other side, the waters come back together......Jesus says, "Well done!" ......Moses asks, "Well, Jesus, do YOU think you still have it in you?! Jesus replies, "Well, I'll see what can be done." And with that, he starts walking across the water toward Moses. But a few feet out, He sinks to his chest. He wades out to the shore and turns around and briskly walks on the water again....only a few feet and sinks. Jesus expresses, "Wow, I don't know what could be wrong!" Moses conjectures, "Well, I don't REALLY know, ....but it COULD be those holes in your feet. "
God Bless, Bryan
TOP TEN WAYS YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A BAD CHURCH
10. The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
7. There's an ATM in the lobby.
6. Choir wears leather robes.
5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."
4. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. Karaoke Worship Time.
2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"
1. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
10. The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
7. There's an ATM in the lobby.
6. Choir wears leather robes.
5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."
4. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. Karaoke Worship Time.
2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"
1. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
