I need help/wisdom/advise!

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Amireallyeve

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So i am engaged to my best friend we have know each other for about 10 Years. It's kind of a crazy story but he wasn't always a good person. Did drugs, drank, partied, cheated on girls, lied etc. He eventually got busted aND had to do 2 years in prison. When he really started to do stupid stuff we drifted and reconnected towards the end of his sentence. He got saved in prison and has spend the 2 years in prison learning and getting closer to God and now he is a great upstanding man, he treats me great and helps me through my hardships. I couldn't be more blessed. But I have one issue. When he was the old him having sex with every girl he knocked up his girlfriend at the time. They lost the baby and he to this day is torn about it. Then he knocked up another girl who says that she is 90% sure it is his. She ended up having an abortion without telling him. This was all many years ago, the old him. But it hurts me so bad. I hate it. Every time he talks about it I feel like I'm being stabbed in the heart. The question is WHY does it upset me so much?? It really shouldn't but it does. Every time I think about it I want to cry, best way I can describe how I feel is like he cheated on me. But he is so good to me why can't I accept this and move on without it hurting me so much? Any thoughts on it would help. I was to be able to talk to him about it but I have to get my head straight first before I dump this on him because it is reasonably a really sensitive subject. Please and thank you!
 
The above post has some good sound advice, but I find it radical...

I lost my virginity about 3 months ago... and every time I think about it, I feel ashamed... I feel like if I were to ever marry, I would be unfit for my wife...

I think there is a reason for this...
If marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman, than sex should be between one man and woman.

You understand that he had sex with other people, but when u think he had children with them, it hits home because it's a more visual and intimate thought.
Kinda like knowing kids are starving around the world, verses knowing your nephew or nice has gone without food for 3 days...
Both thoughts are kinda the same but one hits home a little harder...

My advice, forgive him so u don't get eaten up inside.... ask God for help, and if necessary get some Godly council.

Sorry for typos I am using my phone to type.
 
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Dabro said:
Here is the advise I would give to any woman who said this you have posted here on the forum.
Forget all this. Forget it now. Then go to a church(I would recommend pentecostal of strictest format) and ask the pastor to direct you to a over 60 year old woman
of the church that goes every time the church doors are open. And submit yourself to her and her authority and sit under her. Call her and talk to her everyday. Go to church with her every time the doors are open. And if you still persist to open the door for everything that follows that young man...make him go through her.

You do this as I have prescribed word for word.

You will go far pilgrim.
Click to expand...

It is good advice to go to church every time you can.Its good advice to talk to your pastor but it is bad advice to submit yourself to anyones authority that you do not know.We are to submit to God and his authority.
 
T_Laurich said:
The above post has some good sound advice, but I find it radical...

I lost my virginity about 3 months ago... and every time I think about it, I feel ashamed... I feel like if I were to ever marry, I would be unfit for my wife...

I think there is a reason for this...
If marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman, than sex should be between one man and woman.

You understand that he had sex with other people, but when u think he had children with them, it hits home because it's a more visual and intimate thought.
Kinda like knowing kids are starving around the world, verses knowing your nephew or nice has gone without food for 3 days...
Both thoughts are kinda the same but one hits home a little harder...

My advice, forgive him so u don't get eaten up inside.... ask God for help, and if necessary get some Godly council.

Sorry for typos I am using my phone to type.
Click to expand...


My advice to you,though you didnt ask for it,is that you made a mistake and God forgives if we change our ways and repent.You are not unfit to be a husband and if you have children one day you will be able to guide them from your own experience. Repent,God knows your regret already and then its under the blood.God forgets it never to be remembered again.You are free.
 
Amireallyeve said:
So i am engaged to my best friend we have know each other for about 10 Years. It's kind of a crazy story but he wasn't always a good person. Did drugs, drank, partied, cheated on girls, lied etc. He eventually got busted aND had to do 2 years in prison. When he really started to do stupid stuff we drifted and reconnected towards the end of his sentence. He got saved in prison and has spend the 2 years in prison learning and getting closer to God and now he is a great upstanding man, he treats me great and helps me through my hardships. I couldn't be more blessed. But I have one issue. When he was the old him having sex with every girl he knocked up his girlfriend at the time. They lost the baby and he to this day is torn about it. Then he knocked up another girl who says that she is 90% sure it is his. She ended up having an abortion without telling him. This was all many years ago, the old him. But it hurts me so bad. I hate it. Every time he talks about it I feel like I'm being stabbed in the heart. The question is WHY does it upset me so much?? It really shouldn't but it does. Every time I think about it I want to cry, best way I can describe how I feel is like he cheated on me. But he is so good to me why can't I accept this and move on without it hurting me so much? Any thoughts on it would help. I was to be able to talk to him about it but I have to get my head straight first before I dump this on him because it is reasonably a really sensitive subject. Please and thank you!
Click to expand...

I dont think you said what sent him to prison.But if he has gotten genuinely saved then his sins are in his past.God has forgotten them and you must too.He seems to have a very bad past but you cannot hold that against him.He was with other women,he has children and if he is a true Christian he will support those children and be a father to them so you will have to be around those children and possibly these women.If you cannot get past his past you need to be honest with him and hold off the engagement until you have spoken to someone,possibly your pastors wife,about it.First talk to someone you trust and then pray and make sure you can commit yourself to this man.He has more baggage than most of us do and you'll have to learn to accept that and most past it. I hope you can work things out.
 
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