I need help

hoonchang · May 17, 2012

Hello,
To summarize a long story, I started hearing the voice of the Lord about 8 years ago. I am a diagnosed schizophrenic, but I knew from the beginning it was the voice of the Lord Jesus speaking to me.
For 8 years, I failed to repent, and only complained and cursed the Lord for not giving me what I want in life. I completely failed to give Him true repentance the whole time. I grew worse and worse despite the Lord warning me that my test will be over soon, and I will be a dead man walking the earth before going to hell.
The Lord spoke to me for the last time about a month ago. He said my light was completely dead, and that I can no longer repent. I know I am chaff, because I feel so empty in my heart. I feel no love at all. I only feel a flimsy false peace from the devil that now occupies my heart.
I read the bible to try and see if I can still repent. So many Christians have told me that I can still repent, but I feel like I am deluding myself to be happy. The Lord warned me that the last lie I have left is to believe I can be saved.
What can I do? I have no courage or hope without the Lord. I wish I realized sooner what an empty shell of a human being I would be without Him. Even the loving words of my parents and their reassurance that the Lord would never abandon me is not giving me the courage to live.
Please pray for me. I know I am worthless. I have been so incredibly evil. But I want to live and be a blessing to the Lord's people. I want to go to Heaven and not hell. I am scared and feel very alone.
What should I do?

JimJimmers · May 17, 2012

Hoonchang, that wasn't God you heard from, telling you you can't be saved. Jesus told us He wants us all to be saved. If you believe that Jesus came to save you, and ask Him to forgive your sins, He will do it.

Just because you heard something, doesn't mean God said it.

Come to Jesus, and find the peace you're looking for.

pickles · May 17, 2012

I agree, God would not say what was said.
You are saved already, Jesus is just waiting for you agree!
God's love for you in Jesus is a promise held perfect, and Jesus will always be ready to let you know how much.
You are in my prayers in Jesus, for all the salvaion and joy you are seeking.

God bless
pickles

psychomom · May 17, 2012

Hoonchang, I pray God will give you discernment, that you may know the difference between His dear voice and all others.
As He speaks to us in the Bible, so He would speak to us now. And He says things like He is not willing for any to perish (2 Peter 3:9); that he made you and loves you; that His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matthew 11:28-30).

In general, I find condemnation to be from satan, and conviction to be from the Lord. If you hear a voice that drives you away from God, it is not His. His voice will drive you closer to Him.

I am praying for you, that you will draw near to the true and living God, and that you will find peace, and rest. <3

~ellie

Ugly · May 17, 2012

Yes, if you're aware you're a schizophrenic then you need to own up to the fact that hearing voices is a symptom, and that the voices you're hearing are not Godly, from God, or God sent in any way, but rather are a symptom of your schizo. You have to accept this fact. If you don't you will never stop struggling with this issue.
See, this voice of 'god' is telling you something the opposite of what the bible teaches. The bible makes it clear that any spirit, or voice, that contradicts His word is not from God. EVER. There are no excuses in this. These are called deceiving spirits.
The bible says ALL who call on the name of the Lord will be saved. Notice there's a period at the end of that sentence? It doesn't say 'but' or 'unless you've...'. He stated that as a fact. Don't let your illness, or satan rob you of what God has made available to you.
And you think you've done evil? I'm reminded of this story from back during the bible times. There was a man named Saul, he was a very respected religious leader. He was prideful, arrogant and quite vengeful. He took it upon himself that he needed to help wipe out this new religious order that was becoming so popular (Christianity). So he traveled around persecuting and murdering Christians. He thought he was doing a good service for God. He and his group were responsible for murdering a lot of Christians. Now.. let me ask you.. are you more evil than a prideful, arrogant, vengeful mass murderer? Not likely. Here's the catch to the story. While Saul was on a mission to persecute more Christians God intervened. Long story short, Saul BECAME a Christian himself. The change in Saul was so great, God even renamed him Paul. The same Paul that went on to write nearly half the New Testament. Is one of the most highly respectable men in the bible. He went from a mass murderer to being saved and becoming a fervent disciple of Christ. Healing, baptizing, preaching. He himself faced much persecution, prison time.
So, if that story, and Pauls writings are in the bible, does this 'voice of god' go against or with the bible? Does it make sense that God would tell you one thing, and say something different in His word? That he would save a mass murderer but not be able to save a schizo? Pray and meditate on this.

jonathanbchristian · May 17, 2012

Did you ask the voice to confess that Jesus came in the flesh? If not, how do you know the voice is of the Lord? 1 John 4:1 "Beloved believe not every spirit, but test the spirits whether they are of God...2 Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God: 3 And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God..." You have the right to test those voices. Ask them to confess the Lord was born a man or do not believe them.

hoonchang · May 17, 2012

Thank you all for your support and encouragement.
I am trying my best to repent, even though I feel empty of love and the Holy Spirit. I feel all my actions are fruitless.
I just can't shake certain things I read in the bible when I read to seek comfort. First, there is the words the Lord Himself spoke when He said that salt that loses its saltiness is simply thrown out. I feel like unsalty salt, and have heard as much from the Lord the last time He spoke to me.
Secondly, in the letter of James, it states that the double-minded and unstable of mind can't expect to receive anything from the Lord. I can't bring myself to accept that the Lord's life death and resurrection still apply to me. I try to feel a part of it, but I feel like I am lying to myself. The Lord told me before leaving me that my last delusion will be that I can or that I am saved.
Finally, its the first letter of John, he states that there are sins that lead to death. I am afraid I have committed that sin, and I can't be forgiven it.
These are some of the things that I can't let go off. I feel like my probation is over, and I am a dead man walking. All I hear now is the devils that remain, and the spirit of truth has been apart from me for about 2 weeks now. I have never been apart from the Lord this long before, and I am feeling so desperate and alone. To clarify, the Lord had brought me to this point many times over the past 8 years, and I always promised to change, but as soon as I felt His Peace and Love I went back to my demonic ways. How many times can I be the prodigal son?
Please pray for me! I am hoping beyond what seems reasonable to hope.

jimsun · May 17, 2012

Hi Hoonchang & Hope all is well with you. Your repentance will come when you're ready & your God is ready to hear you. Just take your time & things will come. I have no doubt your God knows about you & is watching over you.
Your past is exactly that! It's in the past & gone. What's important is what happens from now - The future - And where you go from here.
All you need to do is repent when your God tells you you're ready.
I'm not belittling the process but compared to the rich, full & fantastic life that awaits you in your God's care, repenting is a piece of cake really - & a wonderful first stepin a new life!
God Bless
J=

Ugly · May 18, 2012

hoonchang said:

Firstly its not that 'some' sins lead to death, ALL sins lead to death.
Romans 6:23 - The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life.

Also, in Matthew it mentions 'blasphemy of the Holy Spirit' as the ONLY 'unforgivable sin'. Essentially that means rejecting God and the Holy Spirit. So as long as you are seeking to accept God, the Holy Spirit and to repent then you are able to be saved and no sin can prevent that.

The 'double mind' you're referring to has to do with trying to purposefully live in sin and at the same time claim to live for God. You can't make a choice to allow and enjoy sin and follow God. So long as you are acknowledging the wrongness of sin and trying to live a righteous life, then there is no 'double mindedness'. That scripture is not referring to mental illness.

Faith is believing that no matter what 'feelings' i have, that i continue to believe God is there, that i am still saved and God has no given up on me. You need to stop going off your 'feelings' and voices coming from your schizo and start going by the bible. And not just isolating a few scriptures, but looking at it overall. Stop making excuses.

Canadian36 · May 18, 2012

Here's what you do. STOP TALKING LIKE A FOOL! Quit talking so negative. Moses murdered a man, so did David and they were God's closest saints, they became Gods very best!!!! What did you do that could possible be that bad? Get real okay.

LOOK AND LISTEN. You got to change that stupid thinking you got going on. Start with this one saying:

"I like myself" .... say it over and over and over again. 100 times a day. You need to change the negative thinking to positive. It starts with your thoughts. Start thinking good thoughts. And try and gain control over yourself. Just pray, read the bible, daily and go to church on sundays and go and meet some christians in your area. You might be able to find some christian group that meets in your area on this website: meetup.com

Start with that and stop all this non sense. There's only two people in the world that are on your side in life. God and You. You got to become your own best friend. love yourself. Love yourself. You be for you, not against you. Don't put yourself down. Raise yourself up. Say positive things in your mind. Think positive thoughts. And your not schizophrenic I guarantee you that! NEVER EVER believe a word any doctor tells you. They're phychopaths, living breathing physchopaths. Don't ever believe them. Don't ever ever go to hospital or clinic unless you have like a broken arm. And don't take any meds they give you it's all just poison that will kill you. Look up natural remedies like herbs and stuff like that to take if you feel you need something. Look you're fine.

The last thing. Every day is a brand new day. A day to start over. A day to start fresh and new, with no past and no future. Just today, just living today the best you can, loving yourself and God, and avoiding all the crap out there in that lurks and tries to harm you. Start fresh today. You'll be fine okay. Dear lord please help this person. Amen.

JimJimmers · May 18, 2012

hoonchang said:

Hoonchang, Jesus Christ said, "I will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you." That voice you heard WAS NOT FROM GOD. The Bible says there are many voices in the world. You CAN be saved. Don't listen to the lying voice you heard from.

Lucy68 · May 18, 2012

hoonchang said:

God would not say these things. I think the devil is definitely tormenting you.

As long as you're still breathing, there is hope and love that will lead you out of darkness....repentance is ALWAYS possible.

Please find a church or pastor or mature Christian(s) that can help you discern the Lord's voice correctly.

Yes, there are different 'voices' in our heads...our own, the devil, and God's. It isn't always easy to tell which one is doing the talking

Praying for strength and guidance for you and that the Holy Spirit will bind up these demons

Lucy68 · May 18, 2012

hoonchang said:

Thank you all for your support and encouragement.
I am trying my best to repent, even though I feel empty of love and the Holy Spirit. I feel all my actions are fruitless.
I just can't shake certain things I read in the bible when I read to seek comfort. First, there is the words the Lord Himself spoke when He said that salt that loses its saltiness is simply thrown out. I feel like unsalty salt, and have heard as much from the Lord the last time He spoke to me.
Secondly, in the letter of James, it states that the double-minded and unstable of mind can't expect to receive anything from the Lord. I can't bring myself to accept that the Lord's life death and resurrection still apply to me. I try to feel a part of it, but I feel like I am lying to myself. The Lord told me before leaving me that my last delusion will be that I can or that I am saved.
Finally, its the first letter of John, he states that there are sins that lead to death. I am afraid I have committed that sin, and I can't be forgiven it.
These are some of the things that I can't let go off. I feel like my probation is over, and I am a dead man walking. All I hear now is the devils that remain, and the spirit of truth has been apart from me for about 2 weeks now. I have never been apart from the Lord this long before, and I am feeling so desperate and alone. To clarify, the Lord had brought me to this point many times over the past 8 years, and I always promised to change, but as soon as I felt His Peace and Love I went back to my demonic ways. How many times can I be the prodigal son?
Please pray for me! I am hoping beyond what seems reasonable to hope.

Yes, you are definitely under spiritual attack. You are not living and thinking as a victorious Christian.

Please seek help from other Christians in a local church

hoonchang · May 18, 2012

Thank you all for your words of advice and comfort. I appreciate them very much.
I realized during the past few weeks when I felt incredibly apart from the Lord, I had been reflecting on my sins and regretting the pain I caused, and wishing I wasn't so callous. This morning I received something of a sign that told me to keep trying to repent! I am so happy right now! I have courage and hope once again.
Brothers and sisters, please say a prayer for me that I will live to carry my cross daily and never look back! I have been such an evil hypocrite my whole life and I want to live free from now on.
Thank you all so much for your words and prayers. The Lord really does respond to the prayers of the faithful even when all hope seems lost!

psychomom · May 20, 2012

Sweetie, you are in my prayer notebook. Be assured I will be praying for you l-o-n-g after you think I've forgotten about you.

I pray you will be able to accept that your repentance is REAL and that the Lord hears you and forgives you. Not only that, but He forgets about it, and removes all thought of that sin. When you accept Jesus as your Savior, he sees you through the blood of His Son...amazing! And true!

Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases;

Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;

Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

Those verses are from Psalm 103--won't you read it all? The Lord finished striving with us when Jesus said, "It is finished!". (!!!)

I pray you will receive the finished work of Christ, and that you'll cease striving with yourself. I pray you will find peace, and take the yoke of Jesus--

“ Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

with much love in Jesus ~ellie

pickles · May 21, 2012

Jesus is always waiting and serching for you.
Sometimes when we cannot see Him, it is because He is carring you close to His heart.

I continue to keep you in my prayers in Jesus.

God bless
pickles

frankleespeaking · May 21, 2012

hoonchang said:

whats really sad about your predicament is that a demon has led you to believe he was the voice of God, he began in a friendly way which is why your thoroughly deceived. his last words to you give him away and expose his demonic identity........you need to start rebuking all lying spirits, the only time in your life when it will be to late to repent is when Jesus Christ returns.

I know what the voices are like, you need to silence them all, they're only desire is to fill your life with anxiety and chaos, If God needs to contact you, don't worry He is more than able to supersede over all spirits and get a hold of you. God is not into creating a battle between spirits in your mind, as if God is trying to win authority over a lying spirit in your mind and the two are fighting over who is the real God. if God is actually speaking to you, his words will line up with what is written in the bible, and from what you have written that its to late for you to repent, and be saved! that is a lie from the pit of hell

you need to fight against what your mind tells you, if it doesn't line up with what is written in the bible its obviously a lie

Miguel7 · May 22, 2012

If what you hear in your mind doesn't match what the bible says, dump it.

hoonchang said:

Hello,
To summarize a long story, I started hearing the voice of the Lord about 8 years ago. I am a diagnosed schizophrenic, but I knew from the beginning it was the voice of the Lord Jesus speaking to me.
For 8 years, I failed to repent, and only complained and cursed the Lord for not giving me what I want in life. I completely failed to give Him true repentance the whole time. I grew worse and worse despite the Lord warning me that my test will be over soon, and I will be a dead man walking the earth before going to hell.
The Lord spoke to me for the last time about a month ago. He said my light was completely dead, and that I can no longer repent. I know I am chaff, because I feel so empty in my heart. I feel no love at all. I only feel a flimsy false peace from the devil that now occupies my heart.
I read the bible to try and see if I can still repent. So many Christians have told me that I can still repent, but I feel like I am deluding myself to be happy. The Lord warned me that the last lie I have left is to believe I can be saved.
What can I do? I have no courage or hope without the Lord. I wish I realized sooner what an empty shell of a human being I would be without Him. Even the loving words of my parents and their reassurance that the Lord would never abandon me is not giving me the courage to live.
Please pray for me. I know I am worthless. I have been so incredibly evil. But I want to live and be a blessing to the Lord's people. I want to go to Heaven and not hell. I am scared and feel very alone.
What should I do?

Keenen · May 22, 2012

I'm going through a very similar situation. Just have faith in God no matter what you hear. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia also. I hear voices that try to confuse me. Just live your life and ignore them. God's' voices has a boom noise to it similar to a jet engine going at the speed of sound. Do your best and the best will come to you that is what Jesus wants you to do. Ignore the voices and they will go away. I hate to take medicine for something that is a spiritual problem. Pray to God always and everyday. Ask for forgiveness of your sins daily and on God's time he will relieve you of the spirits that cause you trouble. Have faith in God to take you away from sins and don't rely of yourself. Ask that the holy spirit guide you. Read your bible that is how he speaks to you. Open your heart to God when you read. Do what the bible says. Ask for God's help for anything you have problems doing. Hopes this helps.

I will continually pray for you.

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