I need patience and wisdom

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Stephen221

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I recently met this girl and she is completely amazing. She gives me the drive to be a better man and Christian. We encourage each other, hold each other accountable, we are patient and devoted to the Lord. She is beautiful and funny and smart; she checks off everything I want in a woman. Everything's perfect... Except that I'm ready to be in an actual relationship with her and she's not. We hang out a lot, partially because we want to and the other reason is we have the same friend group and she works at the coffee shop I go to every morning. I'm so ready to start making this "real" but she frels
like it's not the right time and it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I need patience and understanding in my life ASAP
becuase I definitley feel the enemy trying to make things so much harder and painful. What do I do?
 
I can sympathize. Sorry the waiting is so hard! One important thing to acknowledge is that while you feel she is everything you want in a woman, you may not be everything she needs in a man. This is nothing against you - just a realization that SHE may not feel that you are as compatible as YOU feel you are. There are two sides and both sides need to feel the same for it to work well.

So, her hesitancy may be for the good of both of you. You don't want to be drawn into a relationship where you develop strong feelings for her only to later have it end, and be hurt, because she realizes that the two of you aren't a good fit for marriage. Trust her in this and don't try to rush her. You want her, but you don't want her under those conditions. If it doesn't work out, there are other women who would be suitable for you.
 
OP:

Let God be in charge of your relationships.

Talk to God about how you are feeling.

God will reveal to you the mate he has in mind for you, but it has to be in his timing, not our timing.

God knows who your mate is supposed to be. You just have to hand everything over to him.

This is how my husband realized that I was the one for him and that he was the one for me. He let God handle everything.
 
Stephen221 said:
I recently met this girl and she is completely amazing. She gives me the drive to be a better man and Christian. We encourage each other, hold each other accountable, we are patient and devoted to the Lord. She is beautiful and funny and smart; she checks off everything I want in a woman. Everything's perfect... Except that I'm ready to be in an actual relationship with her and she's not. We hang out a lot, partially because we want to and the other reason is we have the same friend group and she works at the coffee shop I go to every morning. I'm so ready to start making this "real" but she frels
like it's not the right time and it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I need patience and understanding in my life ASAP
becuase I definitley feel the enemy trying to make things so much harder and painful. What do I do?
Click to expand...


Stephen221, I'm so sorry you're hurting and while it's easier said than done.....just praise God for blocking this relationship, he has someone better for you. Use this time to focus and serve others, it will help with the healing process.
 
Stephen221 said:
I recently met this girl and she is completely amazing. She gives me the drive to be a better man and Christian. We encourage each other, hold each other accountable, we are patient and devoted to the Lord. She is beautiful and funny and smart; she checks off everything I want in a woman. Everything's perfect... Except that I'm ready to be in an actual relationship with her and she's not. We hang out a lot, partially because we want to and the other reason is we have the same friend group and she works at the coffee shop I go to every morning. I'm so ready to start making this "real" but she feels
like it's not the right time and it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I need patience and understanding in my life ASAP
because I definitely feel the enemy trying to make things so much harder and painful. What do I do?
Click to expand...

OP:

Please read the links below...

How can a man and woman be 'just friends'? | Boundless

Biblical Dating: Just Friends | Boundless

Pure Intimacy - Not Your Buddy
 
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that the Lord is in control and things happen in His time and way.
 
Been there, done that...

From what I've experienced, patience and wisdom won't really help the situation. When a woman is a friend and they say they're not ready for a relationship it's really just their way of letting a guy down easy... what it really means it that they don't want a relationship with the guy they're telling it to...
 
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Personally I think she wants to be nothing more at this moment then the friend that she currently is. I cannot tell you why, but that is what I read in the post. You need to be patient while opening your eyes to others who may be just as amazing as she is, as there is no guarantee she will ever change her mind about the status the two of you currently have.
 
OP:

For a relationship to work there has to be a connection on her end as well as on your end.

I was in a similar position in 2007. I was going to night school at that time, and I met a guy while waiting for the bus to go home. We started talking.

Every-time he saw me he would start talking to me. Going by his behavior, my instincts told me that he wanted to be more than friends, but I did not feel any type of connection.

A connection is there or not there. Also, you *general you* cannot make a connection happen no matter how long you spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex.
 
Stephen221 said:
I recently met this girl and she is completely amazing. She gives me the drive to be a better man and Christian. We encourage each other, hold each other accountable, we are patient and devoted to the Lord. She is beautiful and funny and smart; she checks off everything I want in a woman. Everything's perfect... Except that I'm ready to be in an actual relationship with her and she's not. We hang out a lot, partially because we want to and the other reason is we have the same friend group and she works at the coffee shop I go to every morning. I'm so ready to start making this "real" but she frels
like it's not the right time and it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I need patience and understanding in my life ASAP
becuase I definitley feel the enemy trying to make things so much harder and painful. What do I do?
Click to expand...

How recently is recently? How often is hanging out a lot? These definitions can vary greatly between people, and it's possible that she doesn't feel as close to you or like your interactions are as significant as you do. Please consider that you might be in that good-sense compromising state known as infatuation where you are not able to see thinks as accurately and realistically as you think you do. If you can't identify a single problem or challenge that you would face in a relationship with this woman, then you are probably crushing on an idealized version of her not on who she actually is.

As to the question of what you should do, well the thing God has consistently told me when I've had crushes and started trying to process them through prayer is "if you're going to claim to love this person, then love them well" and that means seeking God's best for the person and their good regardless of what it costs you. And yes that is a path that is usually more acutely difficult and painful, but also usually results in fewer long term regrets.

So if you haven't already had an honest conversation with her about how you feel, you should consider that. Also if she is really as wonderful as you say, prove it to her by truly listening to her side of things and believing that she knows more about what she wants, needs, is ready for, than you do. Assuming no relationship is going to happen immediately, you might want to consider limiting your contact with her just so you don't keep torturing yourself. That does not mean run away and avoid ever being around her, but simple changes like finding a different coffee shop might go a long way to helping you feel like she's not such a constant part of your life and help make the emotions more manageable for a time. Conversely, if she's really much more acquaintance than close friend, I've found that getting to know acquaintances that I have a crush on better usually eliminates the crush because I start to see their flaws and things I don't like or would have difficulty being around constantly.
 
Stephen221 said:
I recently met this girl and she is completely amazing. She gives me the drive to be a better man and Christian. We encourage each other, hold each other accountable, we are patient and devoted to the Lord. She is beautiful and funny and smart; she checks off everything I want in a woman. Everything's perfect... Except that I'm ready to be in an actual relationship with her and she's not. We hang out a lot, partially because we want to and the other reason is we have the same friend group and she works at the coffee shop I go to every morning. I'm so ready to start making this "real" but she frels
like it's not the right time and it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I need patience and understanding in my life ASAP
becuase I definitley feel the enemy trying to make things so much harder and painful. What do I do?
Click to expand...

Well.. patience and understanding rarely happens ASAP. I know this because I've been there far too many times!

Sometimes it happens a lot faster than one might think though. Let me ask you one question - in holding each other accountable, is she seeing you stumble a lot, or is she seeing a strong man of God? If she's seeing a strong man of God, then she's going to probably think twice about this eventually - just not necessarily ASAP.
 
With regards to the Title of the OP:

As do 99% of the rest of the folks here.........

SOME of us were blessed with both!

:)
 
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