I need prayer and help please

[Jenny712]

I need prayer for my father issues. I have asked for this before but never told the whole story so here is the whole story. My earthly Dad was never there for me and still isn't to this day. He never wanted to be a Dad and still doesn't. He lives in Canada and I live in California. He never calls, writes, visits or e-mails. He only visited once in the 9 years I have lived here cause he felt he had to but not cause he wanted to and his actions said clearly that he didn't wanna be here at all. I have a step-dad that I feel three thousand miles away from standing in the same room with him. He doesn't wanna be a father figure either just wants someone to keep the house clean and he calls me eighty percent alot. I have read the verses in the Bible about GOD being my Heavenly Father and I believe them but unable to fully grasp them. I have PDD-NOS and one of the ways it effects me is the only way I learn about something is by experience or pictures or seeing it on tv or a movie. That's just the way GOD has made me. Its frustrating but I accept it. When I was about 5ish my parents took me to Church and during the service everyone went quiet so I'm guessing everyone was praying and the Pastor turned and faced a cross and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and I heard GOD's voice so from then on I was able to believe in GOD cause I experienced Him by hearing His voice. When I was taught about Jesus I believed but I wasn't fully able to understand until I saw the Jesus Film. Then I got a picture Bible and I was able finally to grow spiritually by leaps and bounds cause with the pictures I could see what it was talkin about and understand it. So since I never experienced a good father I'm unable to really relate and understand GOD as Father even though I want to. I believe that He is but I can't connect to Him that way even though I really need to and I want to. And I try I call Him Dad in prayer but it feels so hollow even though I believe that's who He is I don't fully understand it and so it just feels so hollow. I keep doing that in the hopes my feelings will catch up with me but I been struggling with this for years now. I have prayed about it in tears many times over the years for healing and many others have also but no healing yet. Every single day I feel the pain of it and I feel like I'm being punished not by GOD but by my Dad I can almost hear him every single day in my head saying "you weren't good enough to love so now you suffer because you are not good enough." I feel such pain every time I see a father with his daughter that I can hardly bare it. Each time feels like someone has put a sword in my chest. I'm so sick of this pain and having this struggle. Sometimes I feel like no one understands this and I wonder if anyone can help me at all. Sometimes I feel its a sin to struggle with this and condemn myself. Sometimes I wonder if GOD is mad at me for struggling with this. I try not to think about this struggle but whenever I try to forget it I fall into a clinical depression and clinical depression runs in my family. Sometimes I think about standing at the judgement seat of Christ and I think I'll hear "you struggled with not having an earthly father when you already have a Heavenly Father. Treating Him like He's not good enough for you. You were selfish." Sometimes I wonder if He says that about me now. But I can't help the struggle as much as I want to be rid of it I can't help it. I can't help myself. Sometimes I feel like I can't really talk about it with anyone as I been told basically to grow up and get over it and just move on. I feel so shut down by such statements and all they do is hurt me they don't help. One person told me that whenever I feel I need a father to tell myself I don't and just move on and I felt so hurt and shut down from that that I won't bring it up to them again. It's tempting to never ask for prayers and help for this cause of the responses I get but I know I need the prayers so I keep doing it. I have tried to tell myself to get over it and stuff like that but I fell into a really bad clinical depression and I don't ever wanna end up there again. All I want is healing for this issue not condemnation not being told off not being shut down. I wanna be understood. I need to know that my feelings are ok. And I want prayer for this. So please pray for me and please I ask don't shut me down again.

 

[scottish]

Hi Jenny

Firstly let me say that it takes courage to be so open about what burdens us to other people. You have indeed struggled with so much feeling from an early age of abandonment, that this pain has followed you through out your life until now.
You must start by removing the emotional baggage that is paralyzing you and stopping you from going forward with your life, you have done nothing wrong and must stop putting yourself down because of the poor parenting of your father.
This problem for you is so strong that you should think about some counselling, I understand about depression and know that its playing a part in your ability to move on with your life.
You have taken a great step towards healing Jenny, you must keep reminding yourself that you have a great future ahead of you and that the Lord walks with you always, even we feel so alone at times.
You are a strong woman Jenny, with courage. You are a better person than those who as a child let you down, so go forward with the positive knowledge that your life journey begins today, God has so much wonderful things for you to experience now and in your future. Dont let the past hold you back anymore.

Ask and it will be given,
Seek and you will find,
Knock and the door will open.

Good luck and God Bless you Jenny.

 

[Hungry]

Hey Jenny, it's unfortunate that we don't get to pick our parents. I hope your learning troubles don't prevent you from connecting with God. He really is a Father to the fatherless. Sometimes when I'm talking to Him He really connects with me. My father and I don't talk at all. He told me I was dead to him several times. I think the last time was because I didn't call him everyday. I find peace in the fact that some people you just can't please. He also tore up a wedding invitation my sister sent him and mailed it back. This is the kind of stuff we expect from him so I pretty much wrote him off. I'm dead anyway. I accept that he will never be the kind of father I would have liked to have but because of him I am me and I like me. Hopefully you like you. I don't hate my dad or anything. If I saw him on the street I'd ask him if he needed a ride. I've forgiven him for his "issues" and don't expect anything from him. Maybe you can find the strength to release your father from the expectations you have and turn your affections to a Father who never disappoints us. I'll be praying.

 

[ProphetExcalibur]

OK Jenny!
I'm praying for you right now.
you need to find some comfort some where in God's Word for this.
Lay down at the Father's feet,
and He will give you Joy for sadness!
Bless you, in Christ!

 

[danschance]

As a dad, I am real sorry for your pain. Your post even brings tears to my eyes. A sperm donor is not a dad and the dad or dads you have known are not worthy of my respect. You deserved a dad who thought the world of you and would let you know how special you are. Even so, you do have a dad who loves you deeply and thinks you are very very special. You are the apple of His eye.

Heavenly Father, please let her know how special she is, how beautiful she is and how valuable she is to you. I know You are the best Dad ever and I ask that You heal her pain, dry her tears and tell her she is loved by You. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

[SteveM]

I'm a father too, and glad to be close to my daughters, both in distance and mind. I truly don't understand how people cannot love there children, I just can't get contact with the idea. Its so foreign to me, I just get no traction on it.

I do know it happens though. A friend of my eldest daughter had a child outside marriage. The father of the child (who is beautiful and kind little girl) seems to regard her as an embarrassment, and will have nothing to do with her. I am guessing that, in years to come, this little girl may share some of your feelings. That's not a good thought.

There was an advertisement in this country a few years ago about a brand of cosmetics, which had the strap line "Because you are worth it."

I had quite an argument with a minister about this. He thought that the sentiment was almost blashemous, because we are all sinners, and none of us are "worth it".

My own view, which I expressed forcefully, and on which we never did agree, goes a bit like this:

We are all sinners.
Jesus came to same us.
I'm a sinner.
Jesus came to save me.
This means that Jesus sent his only son to die in my place.
How much more "worth it" can you get?

Of course, I don't truly understand why all this happened, I have just come to know that it did.

Jenny, these threads prove that you are not alone, and that we all have our struggles.

You are unique and individual, and you pray for others. Find someone you can really talk to, and will listen, and tell them your story. Hug as many people as possible. Understand that with every breath you take you are bringing something new, from you, to God's world.

And the harder bit. Many people put their family members aside when they understand how badly they were let down. That may be the only thing you can do. I don't understand what might cause a father to abandon his daughter the yours did. The only emotion I can think of that might be strong enough is fear. Can you think of anything that your father might be afraid of?

Whatever it might be, it has made him less than you, and you have been the strong one.

I pray that you will learn to put aside any feelings that affect your sense of who you are, and understand that you are loved by the Lord, and can serve him with a clear heart and mind. Take the time to do this, and forgive yourself for all the things that are in your life, because surely you are held close by the Lord. Amen.

 

[pickles]

Jenny, Ill try to help by sharing how I came to know God as my loving father.

The first thing was when I read in scripture that God said...
"I loved you first."

Then Im sure you have read the scripture...
"I am Father to the fatherless."

The next one was....
"I called you with my perfect love, with my endearing love."

Another was....
"He never tires or wearys, His understanding no one can fathom."

It was when I learned from reading scripture, that I saw in the words given, that everything I had wanted, longed for, wished for, and hungered for in a father, was exactly who God Our Father is, that in faith, I began to see His great love for us, His daughters and sons.
His love so great and perfect, that what I had asked for so many times was already given.
Im sure you have asked the same question, will I ever be loved as I am, not for what another expects, but simply because I am loved because I was wanted.
That I saw how great God Our Father's love as a father trully is.
That He sent His son to die because of how much He loves us, and raised Him also because He loves us, loves you so much that it would take an eternity to know just how much.
God Our, your Father loves you so very much, and called you to this love, His endearing love.

You remain in my prayers for the full understanding and delight of God Our Father's love for you in Jesus Christ is Lord.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

 

[Jesus_lover_of_my_soul]

I am so sorry about you're father not being there for you.
you should know that it wasn't you're fault, he has issues that he needs to work out with God.
It sounds like you are hurt that you're dad left you, and you wonder how could god love you?
but that is not true Jesus is not like those who have hurt us, believe I know what you are feeling.
I can not imagine what you feel, only god does. but I do have an idea because I've felt the same way.
By reading his word endlessly this past year, he has shown me how merciful and gentle he is.
He is the father to the fatherless and the helper of the helpless,
abounding in love and compassionate.
He said he would not leave us orphans, he will never abandon you.
not anything you would do or say would make him give up and walk away.
He's stronger then that and he will fight for you and be there through the hard times.
When someone hurts us and they are close to us, we can reflect there image onto who God is.
But I can tell you the truth, through much struggle with this feeling,
I've come to know God is so tenderhearted.

John 11:33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled

He loves you so much, please I hope you know that..I know it is hard to believe it.
It was for a long time for me too, and sometimes still is.
He is merciful and want's to protect you from all harm.
I hope this helped, you will be in my prayers.
To God be the glory.