I have trouble believing all the time.
I don't think its demon-possession, I just think its that we can't actually see God and Jesus with our own eyes.
It is hard to believe and keep believing in what we can't see, so be easy on yourself.
When I feel distant from God I just purpose in my heart to be as kind and lovely as I can to everyone I meet, and leave the rest to God.
And each bit of kindness that flows through me assures me of God's love for me.
And I give up my strength and try to be as humble and selfless as I can and leave myself entirely to the mercy and love of God.
The more we embrace our own helplessness the more we can cast all our cares upon God.
Do what you can to be lovely.
Do what you can to believe.
And leave the rest to God, and you will be, and already are, and always have been, in safe hands.
I've just read the posts here and it seems to me like a lot of love has been poured out your way.
And, for what its worth, I will kneel down and say a prayer for you after I post this.
So, stop thinking, give up your own effort, let go, and trust God.
You take care my friend.