I wrote this as a joke for a friend...however....

  • Thread starter Thread starter mrpower
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Does this count as putting God to a test?? ;)

  • Nah, go for gold man... especially the fart jokes one!

    Votes: 3 75.0%
  • Yeah, probably pushing it being that specific with the Lord Almighty!

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Total voters
    4
M

mrpower

Guest
NAME:_________________________ ADDRESS:_________________________ PHONE:________________________ SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: _________________
D.O.B.:_________________________

SELECTION CRITERIA
POS#326435_2012


Description:


The successful applicant will be the happiest woman on earth. She will be the rocking wife of Daniel B. She will compliment his weaknesses with her strengths, and will allow his strengths to compliment her weaknesses. Together they will be a rocking duo of biblical proportions... easily the equal of Solomon... and at least his first wife as mentioned in Song of Solomon '':-P
They will diligently follow their God given passions and support each other in the work the Lord has laid out for each of their lives.


Selection Criteria


Essential


( ) Demonstrated ability to put God first in their life.
( ) Demonstrated capacity to forgive
( ) Demonstrated honesty of character
( ) Demonstrated compassion, love, and patience towards all, but especially children
( ) Demonstrated aptitude in understanding detailed complexities of scripture/and or; a desire to further expand their knowledge (without being snooty/smug about it)
( ) Demonstrated lack of need for excess stuff, merely for the sake of having things; inc spending simply money for the sake of spending money.
( ) Demonstrated adventurous spirit/ and or; a desire to be adventurous with another.
( ) Demonstrated love of laughter.
( ) Demonstrated ability in showing love in chosen tasks
( ) Demonstrated capacity of not being married to ideas without cause
( ) Demonstrated ability to prefere engagement in the real world to an online setting
( ) Demonstrated desire for openness of communication


Desired:


( ) Ability to maintain a rational train of thought when emotions are high
( ) Enjoys maintaining appearance, yet is not a main factor in life outlook.
( ) Non-judgmental
( ) Dislikes the over simplified treatise of Cat and Dog theology
( ) The ability to find humour in most things (including fart/poop jokes)
( ) Has suffered and overcome in the Lord, something in life.
( ) Is working or studying in the field of their passion
( ) Loves to cycle long distances/ or; be open to learning
( ) Loves scuba diving/ or; be open to learning
( ) Loves rock climbing/ or; be open to learning
( ) Smells nice, but not over-washed with perfumes
( ) Loves animals, especially Dogs.
( ) Loves eating out
( ) Will sleep on the side of the bed that is furtherest away from the door (it's a man thing)
( ) Will play and enjoy video games with me/ or; be open to learning
( ) Loves science-fiction/ or; be open to learning
( ) Enjoys character development films such as, Shawshank Redemption or Amelie.
( ) Enjoys documentaries; historical, environmental, social, political etc
( ) Still loves a good action flick from time to time
( ) Enjoys nice quiet nights in on the couch
( ) Thinks ponchos are cool
( ) Will buy/update my wardrobe as I need it, but allow me the power of veto.
( ) Large personal library of Christian Literature (NO STEVEN COVEY)
( ) Prefers sheets washed more as opposed to less
( ) Enjoys technical music (has completed the Joe Satriani appreciation course)
( ) Loves to cook for those loved
( ) No lactose/daily/glucose/ intolerance
( ) Immaculate eyebrows
( ) Handy Capable (because I sure as heck am not)
( ) Has less than 400 'friends' on facebook (no, I have no where near 400.. I'm just a generous guy)
( ) Loves a good sleep in
( ) Loves the odd gorging of one's self of delicious goodies over a movie
( ) Loves Japanese cuisine.
 
Romansonetwentytwo, are you plagiarizing someone else's work? (Looks at Romansonetwentytwo sternly) :p

Something tells me that Nod just might fit all of those qualifications, where is that girl? Someone drag her in here, she needs to fill out an application.............:D