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Sunshine2026

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Jun 14, 2026
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So I’m going to be discussing deep topics. And friends…I need your advice. So I’ve struggled with my body image, self confidence and weight for a long time. I’ve gone up two sizes. And honestly everytime I look in the mirror I’m disgusted. I’ve lost weight before and I still think I look fat when looking in the mirror. I’m always unsatisfied with how I look in the mirror weather I’m skinny or fat. And I know recently I’ve gained a lot of weight and need to lose it but what’s the point anymore if I’m not going to be satisfied anyways. I don’t like being me anymore… I want different hair style, I want different hair color, I want a different body in general(cause I have a wider stature I can’t be skinny without looking ill), I want to throw away all my clothes and buy a whole new closet(darker colors,ect.), I want more tattoos and piercings. I’m so done with being me. Idk 🥲
 
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Ok If you don't want to look like yourself, who would you rather look like? Do you want to swap bodies or something? Cos I don't think that's possible unless..you shapeshift or something.

Do you know any hairdressers in your church, if you go to one. They may be able to advise. Maybe just start with that, and then the rest may follow. I wouldn't advise throwing ALL your clothes away. At least keep your underwear.
 
I recently had to buy some clothes a size bigger than I used to. And I feel like half the clothes I own are ones I've been holding on to for when I magically lose the weight. And yes it can be depressing and make you feel like a failure.

But your weight or appearance doesn't determine your worth. The fact that you were made by God in his image is what determines your worth. Feel free to make the changes you can like getting your hair cut and colored if you want, but I don’t think that's going to make you happy. Sounds like it would be good to ask God to help you see the good in you and the value he has placed in you. And maybe you can remove the mirror for a bit, then you won't be able to focus on that negative, instead you can spend that time on a pursuit that you're good at and makes you feel good about yourself. Doesn't matter if that's baking, painting, computer programming, or working on cars. People are going to care more about what you can do than what you look like.
 
So I’m going to be discussing deep topics. And friends…I need your advice. So I’ve struggled with my body image, self confidence and weight for a long time. I’ve gone up two sizes. And honestly everytime I look in the mirror I’m disgusted. I’ve lost weight before and I still think I look fat when looking in the mirror. I’m always unsatisfied with how I look in the mirror weather I’m skinny or fat. And I know recently I’ve gained a lot of weight and need to lose it but what’s the point anymore if I’m not going to be satisfied anyways. I don’t like being me anymore… I want different hair style, I want different hair color, I want a different body in general(cause I have a wider stature I can’t be skinny without looking ill), I want to throw away all my clothes and buy a whole new closet(darker colors,ect.), I want more tattoos and piercings. I’m so done with being me. Idk 🥲
Usually when people say they want that many new things, what they really want is something they don't have a name for. But that's all they can think of that might make them feel like they think they want to feel.

You should probably start investigating what you really want. I don't know what it is, and apparently you don't either, but I can 97% guarantee it is not any of the things you listed.

You might be wanting something you can do with your life that makes you feel like your life is worthwhile. Or maybe you want a boyfriend. Maybe a different job. Or maybe you're just terminally bored and need a hobby.

Whatever it is, the sooner you figure out what it is the sooner you can start looking for it.
 
I recently had to buy some clothes a size bigger than I used to. And I feel like half the clothes I own are ones I've been holding on to for when I magically lose the weight. And yes it can be depressing and make you feel like a failure.

But your weight or appearance doesn't determine your worth. The fact that you were made by God in his image is what determines your worth. Feel free to make the changes you can like getting your hair cut and colored if you want, but I don’t think that's going to make you happy. Sounds like it would be good to ask God to help you see the good in you and the value he has placed in you. And maybe you can remove the mirror for a bit, then you won't be able to focus on that negative, instead you can spend that time on a pursuit that you're good at and makes you feel good about yourself. Doesn't matter if that's baking, painting, computer programming, or working on cars. People are going to care more about what you can do than what you look like.
Thank you so much. This helps a lot. Maybe I do need to remove the mirror. Cause every time I look at it it just makes me sad. Thank you for the advice.
 
When you wear clothes that fit, it does makes you look (and feel) better.
But that means you need to go out shopping and try them on. I wouldn't recommend buying them online without trying them on first.

If you've outgrown some of your old clothes and they are still in good condition, you can donate them to Goodwill or something like that, and someone will fit them and appreciate them. That makes room for something new in your wardrobe.

God does look on the heart first though he's not judging us by mens standards.
 
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So I’m going to be discussing deep topics. And friends…I need your advice. So I’ve struggled with my body image, self confidence and weight for a long time. I’ve gone up two sizes. And honestly everytime I look in the mirror I’m disgusted. I’ve lost weight before and I still think I look fat when looking in the mirror. I’m always unsatisfied with how I look in the mirror weather I’m skinny or fat. And I know recently I’ve gained a lot of weight and need to lose it but what’s the point anymore if I’m not going to be satisfied anyways. I don’t like being me anymore… I want different hair style, I want different hair color, I want a different body in general(cause I have a wider stature I can’t be skinny without looking ill), I want to throw away all my clothes and buy a whole new closet(darker colors,ect.), I want more tattoos and piercings. I’m so done with being me. Idk 🥲

Hi @Sunshine2026,

Boy, could I ever relate to your last sentence -- "I am so done with being me."

I have felt this my entire life. I am adopted and grew up in a small, white town, long before K-pop, K-beauty, or the popularity of anime and Western interest in Asian culture. Where I grew up, being different was not seen as unique or interesting -- it was seen as a target.

I was one of a handful of Asians in my area, all adopted, and we all went to different schools and didn't really know each other. I went to all-white Lutheran schools -- and it taught me to hate being me. I hated having the kids "slant" their eyes at me and yell, "Chinese" (the Chinese are beautiful, but I'm not Chinese,) or yell out some stupid stereotype. I hated having people ask if I was good at math (math is probably my worst subject.) I hated having older white guys hit on me because of things they'd seen in porn movies (and this was before the internet, when people had to put in some effort and money to seek out those things.)

I hated that I was never the right size, shape, or color and I used to dream of having blonde hair and blue eyes, because I thought that would make me fit in. If they would have had those crazy surgeries and treatments where people try to change their racial appearance back then, I would have considered it. Anything to make the taunting stop so I could just blend in -- and compared to a lot of people, I didn't even have it all that bad.

Weight was always a contentious subject for me. People sometimes say I'm small but what they don't understand is that even when you're a size 8 (weight sneaks up on almost all of us -- I was formerly a 6,) if your mother is a size 0 (and that's her natural, God-given size,) people will ALWAYS see you as fat. Church people would ask, "When are you going to get skinny like your mom?" This set off a lifetime of disordered eating patterns I still struggle with today.

I very much feel for what you are going through and how you feel because of it. I hated mirrors, because they reminded me that I was different. I went to Lutheran schools, but I was always "asking too many questions" and never fit neatly in line like I guess I was supposed to. It didn't matter what group, situation, or even spiritual surrounding I was in -- something about me was ALWAYS "wrong" and needed to be "fixed." Back then I would have been happy to oblige, but I had no idea how to start "fixing" myself (self-starvation seemed like the only thing I could control, but I couldn't keep it up.)

I truly wish I had some magic answers for you!! All I can say is that things have gotten better with time, but it's taken a lot of time and a lot of just living one day after the other while crying out to God over how I felt. God's biggest blessing to me was eventually putting me in the midst of other "misfits" like me -- but these "misfits" were very different than what I'd known -- because they were happy with who they were!!! All the others I'd been around were like me -- miserable and always trying to "fix" something.

I was actually astonished (silly me) to meet others who didn't fit into society's molds either, but they were out living the kind of life I wanted to live (enjoying whatever their status or calling might be,) and knowing that it's what God thinks that really matters, not the "standards" set up by anyone else.

Being around these kinds of people has truly changed my outlook on life and the way I live. However, it took time, and sadly, the people I speak about (whom I met here) are all very far away, so I don't get to see them very often, but we keep in touch daily online. We discuss everything from the struggles of everyday life to our faith, beliefs, and the challenges we all have following God.

I am going to pray that God will put such people in your life to encourage and inspire you. I hope you'll keep participating on the forum and will maybe read posts by people who help you see yourself in a new and positive light, or at least that you can relate to.

When I was younger and in a constant state of self-loathing, I never realized that things could change over time. I know it seems like nothing is ever going to change. But the "slanted" eyes and "fat" face" I despised so much has served me well over time, as these days I often get asked what my "secret" is to looking young (being a boring nerd all my life is what's worked for me!) While I still don't like mirrors all that much or what I see of myself in them, I've finally accepted I'll never be a size 0 like my Mom (though part of me still wishes I could be.)

My "always asking questions" has put me in touch with other people who ask questions, and while God won't answer every question in this life (and maybe not ever,) it's comforting to know "I'm not the only one" who thinks a certain way.

I'm accepting more and more that we are all different, and if we're operating within God's will, everyone's walk will be unique.

My heart truly goes out to you, @Sunshine2026, and I pray that God will comfort you and show you the beauty in striving towards being healthy and happy with where He has placed you.

Many blessings to you, and please keep us posted.💖
 
Hi @Sunshine2026,

Boy, could I ever relate to your last sentence -- "I am so done with being me."

I have felt this my entire life. I am adopted and grew up in a small, white town, long before K-pop, K-beauty, or the popularity of anime and Western interest in Asian culture. Where I grew up, being different was not seen as unique or interesting -- it was seen as a target.

I was one of a handful of Asians in my area, all adopted, and we all went to different schools and didn't really know each other. I went to all-white Lutheran schools -- and it taught me to hate being me. I hated having the kids "slant" their eyes at me and yell, "Chinese" (the Chinese are beautiful, but I'm not Chinese,) or yell out some stupid stereotype. I hated having people ask if I was good at math (math is probably my worst subject.) I hated having older white guys hit on me because of things they'd seen in porn movies (and this was before the internet, when people had to put in some effort and money to seek out those things.)

I hated that I was never the right size, shape, or color and I used to dream of having blonde hair and blue eyes, because I thought that would make me fit in. If they would have had those crazy surgeries and treatments where people try to change their racial appearance back then, I would have considered it. Anything to make the taunting stop so I could just blend in -- and compared to a lot of people, I didn't even have it all that bad.

Weight was always a contentious subject for me. People sometimes say I'm small but what they don't understand is that even when you're a size 8 (weight sneaks up on almost all of us -- I was formerly a 6,) if your mother is a size 0 (and that's her natural, God-given size,) people will ALWAYS see you as fat. Church people would ask, "When are you going to get skinny like your mom?" This set off a lifetime of disordered eating patterns I still struggle with today.

I very much feel for what you are going through and how you feel because of it. I hated mirrors, because they reminded me that I was different. I went to Lutheran schools, but I was always "asking too many questions" and never fit neatly in line like I guess I was supposed to. It didn't matter what group, situation, or even spiritual surrounding I was in -- something about me was ALWAYS "wrong" and needed to be "fixed." Back then I would have been happy to oblige, but I had no idea how to start "fixing" myself (self-starvation seemed like the only thing I could control, but I couldn't keep it up.)

I truly wish I had some magic answers for you!! All I can say is that things have gotten better with time, but it's taken a lot of time and a lot of just living one day after the other while crying out to God over how I felt. God's biggest blessing to me was eventually putting me in the midst of other "misfits" like me -- but these "misfits" were very different than what I'd known -- because they were happy with who they were!!! All the others I'd been around were like me -- miserable and always trying to "fix" something.

I was actually astonished (silly me) to meet others who didn't fit into society's molds either, but they were out living the kind of life I wanted to live (enjoying whatever their status or calling might be,) and knowing that it's what God thinks that really matters, not the "standards" set up by anyone else.

Being around these kinds of people has truly changed my outlook on life and the way I live. However, it took time, and sadly, the people I speak about (whom I met here) are all very far away, so I don't get to see them very often, but we keep in touch daily online. We discuss everything from the struggles of everyday life to our faith, beliefs, and the challenges we all have following God.

I am going to pray that God will put such people in your life to encourage and inspire you. I hope you'll keep participating on the forum and will maybe read posts by people who help you see yourself in a new and positive light, or at least that you can relate to.

When I was younger and in a constant state of self-loathing, I never realized that things could change over time. I know it seems like nothing is ever going to change. But the "slanted" eyes and "fat" face" I despised so much has served me well over time, as these days I often get asked what my "secret" is to looking young (being a boring nerd all my life is what's worked for me!) While I still don't like mirrors all that much or what I see of myself in them, I've finally accepted I'll never be a size 0 like my Mom (though part of me still wishes I could be.)

My "always asking questions" has put me in touch with other people who ask questions, and while God won't answer every question in this life (and maybe not ever,) it's comforting to know "I'm not the only one" who thinks a certain way.

I'm accepting more and more that we are all different, and if we're operating within God's will, everyone's walk will be unique.

My heart truly goes out to you, @Sunshine2026, and I pray that God will comfort you and show you the beauty in striving towards being healthy and happy with where He has placed you.

Many blessings to you, and please keep us posted.💖
Aww thank you that touched my heart. I think I’ve always hated my body it honestly started at the ripe age of 10. And honestly I appreciate your advice. Currently everytime I look in the mirror it’s like my view of my body or my perception of my body changes. Some times I’m fine and others I ain’t. Sometimes I feel skinny and sometimes I feel fat. It’s such a roller coaster of emotions. I’m going to try and work on being happy with myself for sure.❤️🥰
 
Aww thank you that touched my heart. I think I’ve always hated my body it honestly started at the ripe age of 10. And honestly I appreciate your advice. Currently everytime I look in the mirror it’s like my view of my body or my perception of my body changes. Some times I’m fine and others I ain’t. Sometimes I feel skinny and sometimes I feel fat. It’s such a roller coaster of emotions. I’m going to try and work on being happy with myself for sure.❤️🥰

Hi @Sunshine2026,

I'm so happy that my post was relatable to you, thank you!

I always hope I don't sound like I'm talking down to anyone, but rather, I'm just trying to let them know that they are most certainly not the only one!

It's funny to me how the latest media talk is about celebrities going through a "skinny" era -- I grew up in a time when all the models were mostly white and very skinny, and then came the Kate Moss "heroin chic" look -- that was somehow even more skinny.

There is truly nothing new under the sun, and this is yet another cycle. I hate that it's even more amplified now, with social media teaching people, especially young people, to hate their own bodies. :cry:

I'm thankful that I'm older now and a little more resilient because I've seen and experienced how our "flaws" and "weaknesses" somehow become our biggest strengths -- but it has taken a lot of time, and a lot of clinging on to (and sometimes honest outbursts) with God.

From your other posts, you seem like to be a very insightful, artistic, and interesting person. It sounds like you have a good job and career path and while I know you said it's not your dream job, maybe you can see where it takes you while exploring possibilities in art on the side?

I wish you all the best and have really enjoyed your raw, honest posts.

Authenticity is hard to find these days and seems to be one of your strengths! :)

I know it's hard and it feels so much easier to give up at times, but may I encourage you to keep seeking God in being the beautiful, talented person he has made you to be!

Much love! 💖
 
A smile is attractive.
For most of us, it is difficult to feel pretty, but regardless of how one feels, dresses, or the body shape we have, an attractive person can be anyone who walks with confidence and can carry their smile. There’s actually some reasoning behind this too… Other humans aren't just attracted to style, they are attracted to personality and companionship. When they see someone who has confidence and personality, they subconsciously perceive that person could be a good companion, friend, someone to converse with, a potential spouse, etc, and then they are drawn to the attractiveness of companionship(not necessarily romantic stuff) with an interest to interact. New relationships can occur or good things with current relationships can spark. So long as someone can present themselves to be a friend, then they are attractive in the light of companionship. You might not be looking for companionship, but you would be attractive to anyone who would enjoy your personality.

Also, no mater what a smile looks like everyone is beautiful when they smile. So I hope you can find your smile, because that would be the most beautiful part of any outfit you wear. :)



Christian Perspective
I don't know what your beliefs are, but if you believe that God loves you, you could try dressing with a mindset of wanting to Honor God, as Honor is a way humans can demonstrate love back to God.

How to know what would honor God? Try reading The Bible and learning about what God likes, what pleases Him or displeases Him. Focus not on just an image for yourself or the approval/attention of other humans, but bring God into what you see in the mirror and reflect on your inner heart, and pray for healthy relationships.

I mention relationships because relationships are why we exist, and they can play a big role in how we want to present ourselves. If we seek for our relationship with God to be the most important, God will enlighten us of goodness and all other necessities will be blessed to us. Love God first and He will bless you with guidance, or prompt you with ideas, you will find good ways to dress or wear your hair, and He will give you peace of being content.

However, it can be difficult to accept what God wants, because what is considered “good” from God’s perspective, isn’t usually the same as what humans would consider “good” or “good looking” from their perspectives. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 (hairstyle isn't the point of the verse, the meaning of it is outwardly appearances aren't more important than being a hard working respectful person)
Christians can still enjoy fashion, hair colors, styles, but appearances simply aren’t supposed to be the focus or priority of where we put our time and worries. Of course we still do, and still will, but the bible says it's not necessary. This verse Matthew 6:25-33 speaks of general needs, but God can provide clothes where even the details are cared about.

And yet, to dress ourselves in ways that would have us be presentable or modest, are still areas of thinking about fashion, and anything we do for God’s sake can be considered good. 1 Corinthians 10:31
If we know we want to dress with God in mind, we can explore and let our creativity flow while trying to have fun with fashion styles that would be cool but still be inclusive of our relationship with God. It can feel good when we have done something for God's sake, or feel He was part of what's been provided to us.

In general, it is understandable that coming up with God-based styles isn't easy. It's part of our nature that what God wants and what people want are different, which can make planning our outfits a challenge. Here are common examples of humans vs God, that other Christians tend to reference…
- Sometimes, a woman's body or style of clothes can unintentionally cause men to stumble in the sin of lust, HOWEVER when a woman has self-awareness and awareness of others, and chooses to dress mindfully, those considerate choices are pleasing to God.
- The world wants us to dress for ourselves; it trains us that everything is all about what we want or what we like. Or, to an extreme the world advertises that human bodies are for sexual parties. But God says to us and church communities…. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

When humans want to come back into God’s Will, He recognizes such a heart and gives them His own Spirit to join them into His family. But, once we have His Spirit, Christians and their days aren’t really for themselves anymore. Life is no longer about only us and figuring out who we want to be, or figuring out what identity we want to create for ourselves, there is a change in that we need to figure out what our identity for fulfilling God’s Will is supposed to be. To Fulfill God’s Will becomes our new purpose and identity. The path can be difficult, but very rewarding when we manage to overcome the difficulties. And, God hears the prays of those who are His children, which can be comforting and we are blessed with enjoyments. Matthew 7:9-11

If you put together an outfit with God in mind and feel you have received a gift from God, reflect on knowing your relationship with God is real, he sees you as a person, and cherishes you. If there's ever a moment where you feel connected to God's love, give Him a smile.



I've splashed some bible verses about involving God, but maybe you want a different direction of help. So here are health thoughts to consider and ponder on….

Looking to improve your image? A New Health Journey could be an answer.

For as much as there is the saying of, "Look-good, Feel-good", there is also a reality of "Feeling good, feels great, and when we feel great, we look great."
If there is something about us that isn't healthy, it can reflect in the mirror, and then no matter how much we want to look good, the underlying issue is that being un-healthy simply does look unhealthy, and that can cause us to feel unattractive. There is a deeper knowledge to what true good health actually is, most people don't have such an awareness, but the more we learn, the more our thoughts might take action on healthy topics. When we focus on trying to be healthier, a side-affect is that feeling better can help us look better.

Some Christians pursue health for comfort, while others carry the bible verses that tell us our bodies are to be treated as a Temple for God’s Holy Spirit, and they want to improve their temple out of Devotion, Honor, and Respect for God’s Spirit. A verse that can give guidance on what a healthy diet for Christians could look like, can be found in Daniel 1:12-15.


If you want to go deeper about over-all body health though, a starting point wouldn't be to just have a weight you like, it would be to gain understand of what a full body health journey really includes. Health journeys aren't easy, they are life changing, but can be incredibly difficult.

From personal knowledge and experiences, I would encourage you to search around on youtube about….
- The importance of sleep.
- Spinal nerves and pinched nerves. (the nerve system can affect feel great, look great)
- Muscle shaping of lean muscles and abs, but with exercises that won’t be bad for the spine.
- The importance of Organic Foods and potential warnings of chemicals and pesticides (some cause neural damage, and a body can suffer at a microscopic level).
- Learn about vegetable juicing to revitalize your body and glow.
- Unhealthy cookware is a topic, but not sure if there are healthier cookware options anymore.

None of these things might be of your initial interest, but to be healthy is worth the effort, and the learning experiences can be very enlightening. To become aware of how to be healthy and be provided with opportunities to become healthier, are blessings greater than almost anything else. Because for many people, there is nothing more important than having the comfort of good health and being part of a family, both of which can come from God.

The ideas I have shared might be unique, so take what you want or leave what you don't, but I hope you can find some solutions to feel better. :)
 
So I’m going to be discussing deep topics. And friends…I need your advice. So I’ve struggled with my body image, self confidence and weight for a long time. I’ve gone up two sizes. And honestly everytime I look in the mirror I’m disgusted. I’ve lost weight before and I still think I look fat when looking in the mirror. I’m always unsatisfied with how I look in the mirror weather I’m skinny or fat. And I know recently I’ve gained a lot of weight and need to lose it but what’s the point anymore if I’m not going to be satisfied anyways. I don’t like being me anymore… I want different hair style, I want different hair color, I want a different body in general(cause I have a wider stature I can’t be skinny without looking ill), I want to throw away all my clothes and buy a whole new closet(darker colors,ect.), I want more tattoos and piercings. I’m so done with being me. Idk 🥲
For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, Matthew 6:22

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

Anybody worthwhile sees the you and cares about the you on the inside. And that includes you.

We're made in God's image and wonderfully made, so always honor his handiwork.

Keeping the right focus is important. Just keep you're body healthy and love God and others. We all need to eat right, exercise, sleep, pray and be with others to function properly in our brains, heart, stomach and emotions.

Regarding psychological health on this issue... I'd have to stay in generalizations... like perhaps you should reduce harmful media/comparisons. Maybe it might be good to go to a christian counselor, a pro, or at your church, your pastor, a good person you trust, discussing the issue. You might benefit from cognitive‑behavioral strategies, such as apprehending your self-talk: discovering the bad (inner) self-talk and actively replace it with good.
 
The scripture that comes to mind was about the husband cherishing the wife like he does his own body

But what if he hates his body?

I don't know if seems quite rare for a man to hate his own body.

Women on the other hand derive love for their own body by the way men (mostly) look it at. If they receive bad messages from others about their body image, they start to hate it.
Who do you know who's female and starts starving themselves and vomitting to control their weight just because someone said oh you're chubby or getting pudgy there. Even if its just baby fat?!

Anyway thats the theory because I never hear about a man complaining about his weight, if anything he wants to gain weight and muscle. It's mostly about what their physical body can do strength wise, then what it looks like. Thats why they go to the gym and play a lot of sports. Unless they are completely vain narcsissit(sp?) and only care about clothes etc,

What do your parents say about you? Do you ever get told you are pretty/beautiful? Just wondering where this self-loathing comes from.