In defense of arranged marriages

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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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If christians practiced arranged marriages there would probably be less whining in here. You wouldn't have to find a suitable spouse, you wouldn't have to date, wouldn't have to decide if he/she is "the one", wouldn't have to spy around to find out what might be in their past, no long lists of desirable attributes, you just get who you get and thats that. What do you think?
 
I think that although there may not be as many posts in the singles forum, there would be a massive amt. in the prayer forum. ;)

Also, I think the divorce rate would go up for sure. :(

The way things work now, (as cliche' as it soungs), causes us to focus our reliance on God, instead of man. Scripture does tell us that men (the human race) WILL fail us....God never will.
He works ALL things for His good, and HE promises to complete the work He has started!
 
:) You both are right! I'm glad I don't have to find out personally.
 
I only defend God's arranged marriages. Isaac and Rebekah's marriage was a beautiful example. Another one was Hosea and Gomer's marriage. God knows what is best.
 
zeroturbulence said:
If christians practiced arranged marriages there would probably be less whining in here. You wouldn't have to find a suitable spouse, you wouldn't have to date, wouldn't have to decide if he/she is "the one", wouldn't have to spy around to find out what might be in their past, no long lists of desirable attributes, you just get who you get and thats that. What do you think?
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No offense, but that is an absolutely terrible idea. My parents don't know what I find attractive in a women at all. I can only imagine due to our 180 degree differences in nearly everything that their choice would be unequivocally incorrect.
 
The rate of divorce in countries where arranged marriage is the standard is significantly lower than those in which it is not I believe.
 
I think an arranged marriage would be great............one less thing for me to think about...........matter of fact the more I think about the better it sounds...........who cares what she looks like or how she acts, I mean come on how important are those things really?
 
In arranged marriages, you parents don't team you up with a stranger. So chances of you being married to a wacko are pretty slim.

Usually, during your adolescence, you meet this person (if you don't already know them) and, sometimes, you can go on parent-approved outings with them (very rare). Or you won't meet until the wedding day.

I think arranged marriages are harder because you have to make an effort to get to know that person. There is no, "I wonder if I am compatible with this person," or "Even though I've known you for several years before we chose to get married, things aren't as I thought they'd be and I want a divorce." You're already with them so you have to make it work and I think, because of this (and social norms), arranged marriages are more successful.

Why is it that people who choose marriage can't handle it, while those who have no choice up hold it?

When we have no way out of things, we try our hardest to endure (think school work, job responsibilities, etc). But when we have leeway, we tend to "escape" when things get rough.
 
I have thought about it but I would probably get some girl who is never does anything and just wants loads of kids. ugh..... :(

Trying to get to go be adventurous is like trying to dynamite barnacles off the ocean floor.

Of course, if we were both young like 18-ish, we could mold each other into whatever we wanted. :)
 
yeah there are too many things i am looking for some i couldnt even tell my parents, so its better they dont pick.
 
Megatron said:
No offense, but that is an absolutely terrible idea. My parents don't know what I find attractive in a women at all. I can only imagine due to our 180 degree differences in nearly everything that their choice would be unequivocally incorrect.
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Its ok, I don't really think its a good idea either. I just want to see what people say about it because it would end a lot of problems that many singles face (shyness, afraid of commitment, waiting, waiting, waiting, and did i mention waiting?)
 
Liamson said:
I have thought about it but I would probably get some girl who is never does anything and just wants loads of kids. ugh..... :(

Trying to get to go be adventurous is like trying to dynamite barnacles off the ocean floor.

Of course, if we were both young like 18-ish, we could mold each other into whatever we wanted. :)
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i think at 18 .. I may not be easily remolded .....we 18 year olders are pretty decided about what we want....lol... so lets make the age...15/16.....:P
 
Psalm2713 said:
i think at 18 .. I may not be easily remolded .....we 18 year olders are pretty decided about what we want....lol... so lets make the age...15/16.....:P
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You say that but, at 18 I was like fresh wet clay in the hand of every girl I liked.
 
Liamson said:
You say that but, at 18 I was like fresh wet clay in the hand of every girl I liked.
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I guess we are all different then... i was pretty mature when i was what 12..... but I have always been naive and It doesn't seem like it's goin to change anytime soon.. maybe when I am 50..lol
 
zeroturbulence said:
If christians practiced arranged marriages there would probably be less whining in here. You wouldn't have to find a suitable spouse, you wouldn't have to date, wouldn't have to decide if he/she is "the one", wouldn't have to spy around to find out what might be in their past, no long lists of desirable attributes, you just get who you get and thats that. What do you think?
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Uhh. Zero, I don't think you understand the whole concept of arranged marriage..

Arranged marriage is finding a suitable marriage.

You shouldn't need to spy on them, you and the person helping you find a spouse (parent etc) should just ask them staight forward questions and expect the truth and a few people to vouch for them (pastor, mentor etc).

There should be a list but it should only come from the bible not our biased preferences.

The whole point of arranged marriage is to have assistance from parents in looking for a spouse which was a complicated process (but thorough) BUT far less complicating than the stupid relationship decisions I see a lot of people here talk about and do on their own.
 
When I was in college back in, *cough* 1994...there was a girl @ my college who, her parents *allowed* her to come to college for one year to *get it out of her system*, because she was supposed to be getting married to this man her parents new of from this family that lived about 250 miiles away from them. The arrangement was made when she was 12. In 1994, she was 19. The arrangement was for the marriage to take place when they were both 20.

She had only met the guy a few times....the same amt. of times her parents have met him. It almost seemed like it was a financial arrangement of sorts. Really creepy. :( She was acctually considering not returning to her country and asking for assylum from the US due to the circumstances. I do not know what ended up happening. she did not want to marry the guy @ all. She wanted the right to choose.

I went to a christian college, and she was christian, as well as her family. This just made it all the more odd to me. I think, from what I understood that her parents, by letting her come to the states for a year of schooling...she would be willing to return to her country and marry this boy with no hesitation because she got a bit of independance. *shrugs*

So, no disrespect Melody, but it does seem that some arranged marriages are forced. :(
 
grace said:


So, no disrespect Melody, but it does seem that some arranged marriages are forced. :(
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No not at all lol. I totally agree with you that a lot of arranged marriages in history were not Christ centred.
But bear in mind, a lot of people can put on the facade of christianity in order to mean well or put across that what their doing for their children is ok.
My other thought is this, you currently have no idea of whatever happened to her, the process might have been a bit legalistic (ie not involving the daughter's opinion), but how do you know that the whole thing is going to end up a nightmare?
The American culture certainly isnt no breeding ground for happy marriages.

Lastly, heres a question - was this girl Indian or around that area?
 
Yes, she was from India. I can't remember what area....but christianity was @ a minimum for sure.

I do not know what happened to her or the situation, no, so your right, I do not know if it would have been a disaster or not.

All I do know is that she was a very broken girl who was seeking much council while here in the states because she did not want this. She felt like her thoughts, and opinions etc were not valued because this decision was made for her when she was so young.
A person changes a great deal between the ages of 12 and 20...so it was not a compatability issue...because the two, or the two families did not know one another. (from what I understand) There were only about 3-4 times of meeting from the time things were arranged.
 
grace said:
Yes, she was from India. I can't remember what area....but christianity was @ a minimum for sure.

I do not know what happened to her or the situation, no, so your right, I do not know if it would have been a disaster or not.

All I do know is that she was a very broken girl who was seeking much council while here in the states because she did not want this. She felt like her thoughts, and opinions etc were not valued because this decision was made for her when she was so young.
A person changes a great deal between the ages of 12 and 20...so it was not a compatability issue...because the two, or the two families did not know one another. (from what I understand) There were only about 3-4 times of meeting from the time things were arranged.
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Oh man that sucks. I do think if you're going to help arrange a marriage you should only start proceeding when they say 'Im ready for marriage' not while theyre still playing with barbies.

But I wonder if the future husband was a 'christian'? If Christianity is a minority (let alone a persecuted minority) in that girls hometown, it would kind of make sense for a professing christian family to find christian spouses for their children early so as to protect them from potentially compromising situations from Hindu or Muslim men as the girl grew up, because in those cultures (like biblical cuture) an engagement/betrothal was a highly legal thing and if an unknown male made a move on her knowing she was engaged, legally, the perpetrator can be imprisoned or killed. Whereas if they had allowed her to remain single in her teens, unknown men would be able to do what they wanted with no legal consequences.
The sad thing is that girls and women don't have a lot of rights in India and maybe her parents culturally didn't feel like there was logic to talk to her about it and expected her to just be grateful.

Im just trying to look at it in that cultural context and from possible perspectives. I have quite a few friends from India, Bangledesh and Sri Lanka and I think its best not to make assumptions that their cultural way of doing things is savage because its not in line with Western expectations.
 
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