Ten years have passed since I first felt despair; Ten years since I first felt the pain of depression.
The days were dark and the nights were darker; every minute was a struggle, every step was an effort.
My life crashed around me. Living became pure hell.
But my God was there in the darkness.
For years I was shielded from the agony of the world; for years I had never felt anything but secure.
The loneliness was agonizing, the despair was unbearable, the pain excruciating.
Many were the tears I shed, even more were the ones unshed.
I whispered a million prayers, shouted a hundred more.
I begged, pleaded, beseeched, entreated, laid prostrate, made a thousand promises.
But my God was there in the darkness.
I was laid bare before you;
My inadequacies, my iniquities, my lusts, my ugly passions were exposed.
Shame and guilt became part of me.
But my God was there in the darkness.
When I wanted to let go; you held on to me
When I tried to end it all; you saved me.
In the darkness, you opened my eyes to a whole new world.
You taught me to empathize with the cancerous, with the diabetic, with the HIV positive.
To identify with the addict, the thief, the harlot and the prodigal
I was a wretch; you showed me your grace
I was dead; you gave me life.
Today, I am here; darkness is still close by.
My mind is numbed by pills.
My body is lethargic and ill.
Living is a struggle.
Never imagined that finding a ‘means’ would be so difficult
But my Lord is here in the darkness.
And on that day, when the lion will lie with the lamb
When there will be a new heaven and an earth.
I will sing along with the Gedarene demoniac
“The Lord has set me free and I am free indeed".
The days were dark and the nights were darker; every minute was a struggle, every step was an effort.
My life crashed around me. Living became pure hell.
But my God was there in the darkness.
For years I was shielded from the agony of the world; for years I had never felt anything but secure.
The loneliness was agonizing, the despair was unbearable, the pain excruciating.
Many were the tears I shed, even more were the ones unshed.
I whispered a million prayers, shouted a hundred more.
I begged, pleaded, beseeched, entreated, laid prostrate, made a thousand promises.
But my God was there in the darkness.
I was laid bare before you;
My inadequacies, my iniquities, my lusts, my ugly passions were exposed.
Shame and guilt became part of me.
But my God was there in the darkness.
When I wanted to let go; you held on to me
When I tried to end it all; you saved me.
In the darkness, you opened my eyes to a whole new world.
You taught me to empathize with the cancerous, with the diabetic, with the HIV positive.
To identify with the addict, the thief, the harlot and the prodigal
I was a wretch; you showed me your grace
I was dead; you gave me life.
Today, I am here; darkness is still close by.
My mind is numbed by pills.
My body is lethargic and ill.
Living is a struggle.
Never imagined that finding a ‘means’ would be so difficult
But my Lord is here in the darkness.
And on that day, when the lion will lie with the lamb
When there will be a new heaven and an earth.
I will sing along with the Gedarene demoniac
“The Lord has set me free and I am free indeed".