Introducing myself, a wanting to believer

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wanting2believe

Guest
#21
lol I think we both write in our sleep lol xD lol cuz like I said I sound grouchy lol il look at this when I come home from school
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#22
LOL! Don't read it if you're tired and grouchy :D Take a nap first! :)

I've been praying about it and you know what I really think? (I'm gonna tell you anyway :D )

I think the devil is trying to block you from wanting to read the Word because he knows what a powerhouse you could be for God. :)
 
Aug 27, 2011
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#23
Hi Uriel, you are welcome in this place of blessing from the Lord God. What I have to say to you is that, commit your situation to God in prayers and believe in Him and be patient; He will grant your heart desires.He never fails. I will be praying for you.
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#24
Well this time I actually read it, and this time I dont really have anything to say? I get what your saying.. but honestly.. I dont feel anything you said connected with me.. sorry :/ but yea I like honesty so your right about that.. but I do apologize if I sounded grouchy.. cuz I was hungry.. and sleepy when I wrote them.. but like I said.. nothing people really say.. well if it clicks it does.. but thank you for your loving concern. Today I actually talked one of my school mates about what I believe.. (she was a Jehovah witness) like I told her that my beliefs differ but for some reason I dont (actually I do love talking about God) but sometimes there is things I dont enjoy doing.. idk.. I just.. dont like it at all.. anyways thanks again Idk what else to say but thanks and well honest01.. yea thats what im trying to do currently right now and thank you. Im going to church.. Im catholic.. yet I was brought up with Christian belies.. (same thing I know) so Im trying thank you again :)
 

Snackersmom

Senior Member
May 10, 2011
1,472
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#25
Uriel, I don't mean this as any offense to Catholics and their methods of worship, but I get the impression that lighting candles and singing hymns on Sunday just isn't going to be enough for a passionate guy like you, and there's nothing wrong with that :). What you need is the fire of The Holy Spirit burning within you, and God will give you that fire if you pester Him for it enough ;). Like Julianna said, I get the impression that you could be a real powerhouse for God if you really seek Him and surrender yourself to Him :).

Also, it's always a good idea to ask The Lord to search your heart, and take out anything in it that is getting in the way of your relationship with Him, like a sin (even a little one) that you are committing, or a heart-attitude that needs to go (you mentioned that you used to feel resentment towards God, is it possible that there is still some left in your heart?). Growth is a process, so don't expect everything to change over night (are you perhaps incredibly impatient, in addition to being extremely hard-headed? Hehehe :D ;)).
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#26
lol sorry and dont take any offense, but the same came be said about a Christian lol

I'm a Catholic and I don't light up candles but I do sing hymns and sang hymns. When I would study with Jehovah witnesses, and when I was a Christian non denominational and denominational (meaning Ive been around a few churches lol) I would sing hymns lol.

A real Catholic (Christians because in the end we are all followers of one Lord.. in the best of our knowledge, right?) does go to church every sunday but almost everyday we have daily mass (church) We study verses of the bible everyday. There is other spiritual events of various kinds.. from what many call halleluiah (Pentecostal kind) prayer groups, bible teachings and so on lol :p Catholics just have a bad name because many people dont want to or dont know they can have a personal relationship with Jesus. Now that Ive covered that sorry tho I didnt take any offense I do get a bit annoyed because many people dont know this information lol so I like to share it as often :)

Now about the holy spirit.. actually many people have told me that, and I really do not fight it, yet it is unknown for me. Oh I have tried to ask the God for it. Yet I guess that he would only give it to those who believe 100 percent. I dont believe 100 percent.. but I do want to believe. Im a half believer because again I explain that this life would make no sense with no Loving God, it would be to cruel and I honestly would have no hope.

Pester lol sound like the persistent widow lol well I have but nothing happens. Surrender myself to him? I have, but like I said.. and I guess Ive never explain to anybody this.. I am a bit afraid.. because sometimes I simply dont enjoy what Im doing under the lords commands or way or whatever.. I simply dont.. (simple stuff like just reading the bible or like I dont want to adore him) now ok I need you to understand, because this is were many believers dont. They just dont want to believe that is possible.. but why would I lie? What do I win by this "lie" nothing I actually just make my life harder.

There is the idea were people want to just stuff into my heart things that dont want.. like another thing I am afriad off, is what if he chooses not to give me something I really deeply desire? Oh because he thinks it would be better I am without it.. because it hinders my relationship with him? Well even if it sounds bad.. I have to be honest yes.. I want to be his servant.. but I also want to live the life he gave me? Wouldnt it be my life? Ive actually had some Christian (all in general) people tell me.. what if God doesnt want you to have a wife?? Oh he will make you see and you will be happy. Ok.. no.. sorry get it out of your head that I will... nope.. not happening because thats something I deeply do desire.. There is always what if.. and then the subtle anwser but he will make it better you will learn to see that God is only what you need.. No I'm sorry I need to be fulfilled as a human.. I sound to much of the flesh I understand that its bad.. but people are different.. and Im like this..

Sins Ive done and will do many.. and maybe there is a few that I do frequently and Im not saying they are not wrong or they are minor. Every sin is like that of a murderer... but I guess Im weak and no thats no excuse but I do try to stop myself and ask to be forgiven. He can take out anything from my heart but there is a few things I hold dear.. dreams and stuff (not going to go to detail) if he takes it away? I dont think thats loving... resentment yes I guess I do.. but it doesnt just go poof and go away and some will not go away ever until I feel that Im content with life.. Impatient I am.. but Gods time is not the same as mine.. so sometimes what may seem short to him.. is long to me.. yes I am hard-headed but I am open to listen and I am open to change what can be changed.. but my number one priority is myself, and I think I have that right especially since a lot of things have gone wrong and have hurt me.. God will come first.. but until I do actually believe 100 percent and he shows me love.. I know sounds so hardheaded but if I accept it? then wouldnt it be also simple that you can be understanding lol no not ust you snackers mom lol your cool and hopefully I ddint sound to grouchy its night and I need to go to sleep but I find it offensive if I dont reply :)
 
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kayem77

Guest
#27
Uriel you are really having a fight with God huh? :) you knowedge that you are not giving yourself to God 100%, because you are scared of what might happen when you do that, that he takes away your dreams and desires for instance, and I don't want to sound harsh but as you probably have heard before, Jesus said '' whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me'' (Lk 9:23) So....there is no 50% of God and 50% of you, because it simply won't work, God is a God who wants all of us because it can't work in a different way, he is Holy, we are not.

When you decide to follow Jesus, God seals you with the Holy Spirit, and noone in the world nor any power or authority in the universe can ever ''unseal'' you, that's a promise, that's when it happens.
I have no idea if God wants you to have a wife, probably yes and maybe not at your timing, but until you decide to follow him you will never know what HE wants. You already know what you want, now I guess you already know the first step God wants from you: to surrender. You may as well go and find a wife or a girlfriend right now, and you may as well live a comfortable and pretty decent life wthout God, but to be honest...it's not worthy. And I think that because you know it, you are here, fighting your own thoughts and desires because if you knew you could have a decent life without God you wouldn't be here, would you? :) and I'm glad you somehow see that.

Uriel I know it's not easy to surrender, I've been there, we are all different but we are all weak humans, made of flesh, with fleshly desires. I totally get you not feeling like reading the Bible, when I first learned about Jesus as a REAL relationship with God, I didn't surrender. I read the Bible for a while but then stopped, and after 3 years of living my own way, I surrendered. Giving my life to God was the best decision I've ever made, and I still have my battles and sins, but I know God forgived me by the Cross and that he loves me....and that's what keeps me walking. He also said that He would send his Comforter ( the HS) to help us, so we are not alone :)

As Nichole said (Snackers), don't expect everything to change overnight, just take the first step and decide for life :) Believe me, God will direct your steps from there and will take care of you. Btw, God does care about your dreams and desires, but after you surrender to him, He aligns them with His plans :) God reorders your desires so that you have them in the right timing, in the right context of your life; some of them he changes them for something else if they are sinful or hurtful for you. It's hard to explain how he does it....but you can see by yourself if you want ;) but remember, HE DOES CARE but he also transforms you. Maybe you have seen these verses before but they are clear about this:

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.Matthew 6:33



PS. Did you know your name means ''flame of God'' in Hebrew? I just thought it was cool.

God bless, I'm glad you feel free to share your thoughts here :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#28
sigh..... actually kayem...
Llol how do you know that I did not do this once? Like I said this is not the first time.. and I repeat again and again lol Im not so new to this.. What if .. just open yourself a lil bit lol ok just a little.. a little ok lol
Ive read my other post and I actually liked them lol but I came to read yours and I thought to myself "in a way she does have a point, it is like a fight now.. and yes Jesus did say that. I'l just make it simple.. I did try.. (I did actually gave my life to God) I was not perfect but I cleaned my act... no foul mouth, I actually managed to maintain my lies to a minimum, and I was clean of mind and in the "flesh" I did not give in (sex or any thoughts of it) and to a boy who is in his teens that is hard lol. No parties.. just God, school, bible, exercise and Church.
I would be made fun because I was a "good guy" oh and no Im not boasting but you may understand that if your made fun for being a good, guy you must really have impacted people to see that you actually rejected yourself... and followed this way of life.. but honestly and it will sound harsh? But I felt nothing! NOTHING AT ALL.. Oh then you will say I was doing something wrong or did not try hard enough? or it was not my timing? 2 years atleast most of you received the holy spirit or had something.. but to feel nothing?

You may know that it is hard since you gave yourself to God right? You kno its no simple task right? So what did I do wrong? If I did what most of you did, blindly and with my whole heart believed, and gave my life to God, proclaim that Jesus was my Lord and Savior, prayed, denounced my sin, and acknowledge them, I understood and still have peace of mind that my sins are forgiven, God baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Kept reading, keep attending church, kept helping out, tried to have a personal relationship with God by doing all these things (with time I felt I was talking to the wind) and to yes even tho I sound mean all the time, I still love and try to be judgmental.
Yet for about 2 of my life, I felt nothing and with time I just became disappointed and annoyed.. now you come and tell me oh you are giving 50/50? Ok now I am but back then? And it may be highly blasphemous but I promise by God that back then I gave myself 100 percent? Tho other people will say Im just seeing everything in the negative side.. I did not feel anything special or my life was not changed at all.. Sorry kayem but Im defending my case.. yes Im starting over but you know I gave up in the first place because nobody could give me a proper answer why nothing in my life happen or was understood... :) and I thank you all with all your concern because you are good people and kind people. But everything you guys are telling me was told to me and was practiced by me..

Now you must understand why now when people tell me that God will take a few things? because its sinful? Well honestly everything is sinful. Because if it takes time out of your time with God. God will take it away because God wants all your attention. So yes who wouldnt be afraid? I dont care if you tell me he will make me understand of make me feel happy with what he will give me? How can you ask that of me? Atleast back then when you asked Jesus and Jesus told you that, he was there now I have to believe? Who word on a bible that with time I just felt no connections with my person?

See now I just committed blasphemy because Im now denying God right? but why? because I feel nothing so Im sinning.. and since I dont 100 percent believe he will not favor me? blah Ima just stop already.. and be quiet.. but I will say this.. sorry I took it out on you kayem but I hate when people hint or make me feel like I didnt try... when I did.. WELL MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND IMA BE OUT OF THE SITE FOR A FEW DAYS IMA RETHINK IF I REALLY SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN OR NOT BECAUSE I HAVE FELT NOTHING.. THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE'S SUPPORT.. BUT NOW I JUST NEED TO THINK IF I SHOULD EVEN TRY AGAIN.. I GUESS IM HAVING A FIGHT WITH GOD.. WILL A LOSE YEP LOL BUT I NEVER SAID OR THOUGHT I WOULD WIN.. LOL
 
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kayem77

Guest
#29
I'm a little confused to be honest...you actually admitted in your last post that you didn't surrender to God, that's why I said you gave 50/50, and you said you don't trust that God will give you your dreams. I didn't intend to be judgemental I was pointing out what you said :).

My whole point was not to tell you to read the Bible, go to church, be a nice guy,to not lie, etc. My point is that until you give yourself to God 100%, and by this I mean SURRENDER, not that you didn't try before, you will be working and you will get tired of it. When Jesus died on the cross he freed you from your works, you don't need to do stuff to gain his love and favor...these things come after faith( a heart for going to church, reading,praying more often,etc), these things develop as you grow up spiritually.

I don't know if you are looking for a supernatural feeling or something, because no I didn't feel that, however when I understood the message of the Cross with my heart I was so joyful that I decided to surrender. It didn't take me a day, as I said, it took me 3 years to understand this after reading the book of Romans.
If you want us to tell you that God will give you all you want, we would be lying because we don't know, but we do know that He is all that is worth living for. Uriel, stop looking for excuses...sorry I can't give you a different gospel because that would be pointless and deceitful, all I can tell you is to focus on what Jesus did on the Cross because that's where our walk as Christians start :). God will lead you from there, when you decide to nail your life on the cross.

And don't worry I didn't take offense :) I'm just trying to help, and maybe you just need some time to think. PM me if you want, I can try my best to help, however I think the answers you are looking for come from God. Take care.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#30
Uriel, you've heard those that care for your well-being.
You have a fire in you, an ability to respect others words by being offended and defensive at the same time.
You sound a lot like someone I know. Jesus. :)

I hope (and pray) you give Love a try, God's Love. And, true, seeing God's mighty hand at work in our life to cause belief is indeed something that we want sometimes, sometimes more than others.

It is good to want to see God to believe in Him for you at present, and, others have listed good verses for you to find Him when you seek Him with your heart.

Everyone wants to see God work in their life. You know the bible so I don't have to say more than don't test the Lord thy God, like Satan did in the wilderness.

That said, do not give up on yourself, your ability to listen to othets and respond respectfully even when you're feeling offended is exactly what Jesus meant by turning the other cheek.

Now, that said, too, what you felt offensive from some posters I only saw Love in their posts expressed toward you, scared for you, not wanting you to choose a path that is much more quickly gratifying-making yourself unlonely before marriage unbiblical way-than the narrow way that is fraught with excruciating temptation but worth the denial of its sins , both blessings on Earth as well as, of course, in life after Earth, with God forevermore. :)

I pray your decision will be made like all of we on here that choose the great ways of Christ following when it would be sooo east to gratify ourselves in an instant with sin. And, that choice not tobsin is because of the power of Christ in our life, the Spirit understanding our plight, yelling us verses like 'no.' temptation has overcome you that is not common to man.'

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Cor. 10:13


We- you, me-everybody are from the same creation cloth cut, Uriel, 'man.' :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#31
Kayem honestly there is no point in talking to you lol dont take offense but you wont help me lol thank you tho for your concern and for the encouragement, I I thank you but you cant help, oh and honestly I see to much pride lol in you, I dont like to talk to people who have pride, thats why honestly. If I feel any pride coming from a person its like no help at all :)

I guess in simple words, I dont like to pretend Im fine until I am really fine. I dont like to lie to myself and just live by saying to myself God is there when I dont have any evidence in my person that He is. Maybe you guys were willing to let go as easily because you didnt hold them dearly, but I do the things I dont have yet I want to have, the things I do have and I dont want to let go are dear to me. Ive seen many people lose things because they turn to God and even if they tell me oh God is enough I still see that inside they are hurt by the fact that it was taken away.. Ive seen many people live in God but they lived such pour and empty lifes.. always suffering, with nothing and alone, and I would try to be there but how can you say your happy when I see you cry and suffer so much pain? See to me that is scary living for God and have nothing? With the promise of paradise? Then why live this life? Then why go thru this? Maybe to you Gods sacrifice in Jesus is enough for any suffering but to me its not. I do accept yes it is awesome He died for our sins. Yet it is not enough for the suffering everyone suffers.. blah now im going on a jargon.. simple again.. His death and resurrection is awesome, yet it is not enough for the suffering of millions.. In my person it still falls short.. I just dont like people suffering.. suffering makes people turn to evil.. I know because I have gone to do bad stuff because of pain.. anyways I end this shortly.. by saying thank you.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#32
Kayem honestly there is no point in talking to you lol dont take offense but you wont help me lol thank you tho for your concern and for the encouragement, I I thank you but you cant help, oh and honestly I see to much pride lol in you, I dont like to talk to people who have pride, thats why honestly. If I feel any pride coming from a person its like no help at all :)

I guess in simple words, I dont like to pretend Im fine until I am really fine. I dont like to lie to myself and just live by saying to myself God is there when I dont have any evidence in my person that He is. Maybe you guys were willing to let go as easily because you didnt hold them dearly, but I do the things I dont have yet I want to have, the things I do have and I dont want to let go are dear to me. Ive seen many people lose things because they turn to God and even if they tell me oh God is enough I still see that inside they are hurt by the fact that it was taken away.. Ive seen many people live in God but they lived such pour and empty lifes.. always suffering, with nothing and alone, and I would try to be there but how can you say your happy when I see you cry and suffer so much pain? See to me that is scary living for God and have nothing? With the promise of paradise? Then why live this life? Then why go thru this? Maybe to you Gods sacrifice in Jesus is enough for any suffering but to me its not. I do accept yes it is awesome He died for our sins. Yet it is not enough for the suffering everyone suffers.. blah now im going on a jargon.. simple again.. His death and resurrection is awesome, yet it is not enough for the suffering of millions.. In my person it still falls short.. I just dont like people suffering.. suffering makes people turn to evil.. I know because I have gone to do bad stuff because of pain.. anyways I end this shortly.. by saying thank you.
_________
Uriel, do not read so much into the actual words of what kayM is saying as to her message, she is, like julianna, like snackersmom, like everyone else, Loving you, with Christ's Love, a Love that is beyond understanding. They are on here trying to help you, show you what they have already seen in their life at work. Does that make sense, they all want you to experience God like they have, and, kayM tried to use imperative (commanding) wording to help you. Julianna was telling things in her own way, not 'sugarcoating' things as she said. Snackersmom was with great message, telling you she wasn't Loving God enough when she realized she wasn't showing others enough Love. I think that is what she said.And, Drstephgren too, Honest1 too, Lucy, too, all words, to help you understand our great God better . All of these people want to help you see. Their words to you are meant for you to see Him, Uriel, to see how they see Him and want you to try and see IF their way of finding God and His Love works for you :)

Your words, Uriel:

I am sorry if I took your time but I just needed to say this again. Proof of my heart open up to you fellow brothers and to the Lord, not for the attention but for the hope that maybe the Lord will hear me.

Im really hard headed and so its hard to just believe, I know I hate that about myself but I cant change that. I need proof, I need it, and Im ashamed of it.

Sincerely Uriel.
We are all hard-headed, just because you become a christian does not mean we lose our stubbornness, our worldliness, we must FIGHT that fight daily still, because Satan is in the world, roaming, destroying lives all the time, telling people, 'Nothing matters. Sin all you want. Your life ends when you die.'

Don't believe his lies. Remember what scripture says, 'Satan is the father of lies.'
Look no further than the beginning of man's time, when Satan deceived, telling Eve and Adam 'You won't die,' Satan said. 'Once you eat the fruit( of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil), your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.'

Who was right? Satan or God?

God is in your life now, Uriel, from what you said in the above quote proves it, not just there, in your opening post earlier you said you have gone to 'many churches' I think it was and you have acccepted God into your life, didn't you say. Well, just BELIEVE in His process for you. He knows. I know that you are wanting Him to show you great things now, but you have been trying to be living for Him for awhile now, despite persecution from family and friends, it sounds like.

What is that?

That is The Enemy ATTACKING you from one side, and, as Julianna said to you, Uriel, that is the Holy Spirit, too, and, they are warring for your soul. God is a gentleman though, and, just. He will allow you to choose this day whom you will serve . God or Satan. And, you can't serve both God and Satan. God will not be in you if you are choosing Satan. He will not. YOU must choose !

Have you gone to the altar and cried your heart out to Jesus. I have done this before, many times, actually. God hears our prayers, wipes away our tears, too. He will comfort you in those times of great need, like now. But, we must submit and surrender ALL to Him. What is left in your life to surrender ?

For when you surrender 'it,' too, you will see , OH, Uriel, you will see. :)
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#33
ok thanks actually that was quite helpful, almost made me cry lol and to make me cry it takes alot... I will keep trying.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#34
Sorry if I came across as prideful, I assure you that was not my intention :) and I hope and pray you find what you need, God bless you Uriel.
 
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wanting2believe

Guest
#35
Actually I also apologize for being a bit of a brute... and thanks for your concern, and I know you want to help.. and I would actually pm you... to apologize.. but since Idk.. how to pm.. yea.. ummm yea.. I had to do it as a reply.. ..umm :D.... yea sorry.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#36
ok thanks actually that was quite helpful, almost made me cry lol and to make me cry it takes alot... I will keep trying.
()()()()()
You have a desire to learn about Him, Uriel, don't let that feeling ever go, keep searching, praying, following Him, choosing Him over him, immerse yourself in the Bible. There is wonderful story in scripture, God tells so many how to live, how to eat, how to worship, in the old testament, the ten commandments, the Holy of Holies, the story of Israel's deliverance from the wrath of Pharaoh, the time of Joseph and his brothers, a wonderful story of God's divine providence, with a wonderful lesson of love, and, forgiveness. :)

Uriel, so many are praying for you to embrace the power of God now, so then you can see that He has a hreat plan for you. I pray God shows you Himself like you say you want. Be patient and immerse yourself in His Word (Bible) and pray for understanding.

But, remember, God is Love, He is polite , He will allow you to elect Him into.your life forevermore. Simple words can change you from John 3:16. Really comprehend the words as you read that verse. :)

God is at work, I can see it in your emotions, your wanting to shed your selfish flesh desires of doing something you know wrong. That is the power of God helping you. God is with you, He sees those tears you cry. For those tears, He died :)


You said you'd be there for all my sorrows.
You said you'd be there for all my tomorrows.
You said, Jesus, you'd be there to carry me away.
but Jesus I sit here and just have to.say, I don't see you no way.

And Jesus said come to.the water......for those tears I died
 
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kayem77

Guest
#37
Actually I also apologize for being a bit of a brute... and thanks for your concern, and I know you want to help.. and I would actually pm you... to apologize.. but since Idk.. how to pm.. yea.. ummm yea.. I had to do it as a reply.. ..umm :D.... yea sorry.
Don't worry :)
and if you want to PM someone you can either click on the name of the user or you can go to Control Panel up on your screen, and it will send you to another page where you can find ''Your Chat Mail'' on your left, then just click on ''Send New Message''. I didn't know how to enter the chat rooms until 2 weeks or so of being here haha so don't worry you'll get used to it.