I know what you mean, but here's my real struggle. I almost wish that God had never created women in the first place or to begin with.
Maybe I'm crazy or something, but I get drawn into Bible stories many times as if I was there myself while experiencing what the person or persons in that account must have experienced. For example, not too long ago, I met a woman, the Filipina that I mentioned to you on another thread, who was so different from all of the other women that I've ever met before in my life, with the exception of maybe two or three other women, that I actually felt as if I was experiencing what Adam experienced when he awoke from his God-induced sleep to encounter Eve for the very first time.
I mean, think about it.
Prior to that, Adam had beheld different aspects of God's glorious creation, but here was something new, and she must have greatly surpassed all of the other beauties which Adam had previously beheld. In his case, he got to keep her as his wife. In my case, I'm only left to behold something that I almost wish I never beheld in the first place because it makes me think that I'm missing out on something that could be really beautiful. And it's not just with that one woman. There have been a tiny handful of other women as well, as few and as far between as they were, that have produced this same feeling of loss or missing out on something in me. This is why I kind of lamented to you the other day how it saddens me that there won't be marriage in the world to come. In other words, I not only miss out on having this type of companionship in this life, but it won't even exist in the world to come.
To be totally honest, I'd be happy to just have a real close friendship with a woman, even if she and I were only activity partners who just did things together from time to time. I really couldn't even care less about the prospect of possible sexual relations if such a woman were ever to become my wife. It's the companionship that interests me more than anything else.
I got invited to a gathering tonight in which most people there will be men. The women will be other men's wives. I really don't think that I'm going to go. Stinky men don't appeal to me at all.
Anyway, when I think about these things, and I've had to train myself to suppress or reject such thoughts or else I might die of a broken heart, all that I can say is that being presented to Christ as his bride one day must be glorious indeed if it surpasses what I've just described here. For now, I'm just trying to play the hand that I've seemingly been dealt in life, one day at a time.
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). I don't know how things work here as far as moving threads to another forum, etc. But just wanted to point out that perhaps you wanted to post it in another section.
