Is being single almost the perfect peace?

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SearchingforSerenity

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I am a father and my daughter’s mother is a great mom. Our incompatible through god and many other things was bound sooner or later to destroy us, which it did. But a friendship remains. During the time and after this I have truly accepted that I must be a father first and only concern my life with that purpose unless someone god planted right in front of me came along. However know one in my 32 years every came along that even really wanted to think about church or god. Maybe over two. So I’ve made it my best effort to stay single and focus on god and my daughter. I do yearn for that intimacy and connection but refrain now from sex and anything that leads me to a path of self destruction. I’ve found at the end of the day, when I get lonely , I can pray to god and he gives me comfort. Does anyone find it hard to find someone truly interested and willing to live gods path? Or find it hard to stay single by choice? Im coming more at peace with it. Although many days still come up with loneliness and regrets from my past.
 
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SearchingforSerenity said:
I am a father and my daughter’s mother is a great mom. Our incompatible through god and many other things was bound sooner or later to destroy us, which it did. But a friendship remains. During the time and after this I have truly accepted that I must be a father first and only concern my life with that purpose unless someone god planted right in front of me came along. However know one in my 32 years every came along that even really wanted to think about church or god. Maybe over two. So I’ve made it my best effort to stay single and focus on god and my daughter. I do yearn for that intimacy and connection but refrain now from sex and anything that leads me to a path of self destruction. I’ve found at the end of the day, when I get lonely , I can pray to god and he gives me comfort. Does anyone find it hard to find someone truly interested and willing to live gods path? Or find it hard to stay single by choice? Im coming more at peace with it. Although many days still come up with loneliness and regrets from my past.
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I was single for 25 years after my marriage failed. I was OK with it as I am naturally an introvert. Real peace should not depend on circumstances. Peace is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Regrets are pointless and a waste of energy. Jesus has forgiven everything. We should therefore forgive ourselves. Yeah, I know its not always easy. I can help you if need it.

I had several people tell me that I should find a wife. My response was not what you'd call positive. I'd say things like, "Sure, next time they are on special at the supermarket". I tried from time to time, but not with much enthusiasm. I hated the dating scene and everyone at church was taken.

That changed about 8 years ago. I developed a close friendship with a widow (I'm 74 btw). Long story short, we've been married 3-1/2 years now.

I first met my wife 40 years ago. we went our different ways. I tell people, "You can't rush these things.." I usually get a laugh.

I regret neither the single time nor getting married again. We are both retired and I can't imagine being on my own again. What God has done for us He can do for anyone.
 
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You just get your heart broken if you become a couple.
In my experience.

I can't handle it, so I choose to stay single. I'm not sure what I will do after my Dad is gone. I can't live with my bros or sister, I can't afford to.

My perfect peace is beyond understanding, so I don't question it anymore. If it happens it happens. God will get me through it, I'm sure. I think I would be a terrible wife.
 
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U r only 32 , u have a lot of living to come your way yet . Get yourself close to your God and Jesus , read your Bible every single day , say your prayers , learn to trust your Heavenly Father . He is your very best friend and He is always with u . Rest in God through Christ and wait . Wait and c where He is going to take u , wherever u r in your life , u r always in His sights for good . Relax , God is with u .
 
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SearchingforSerenity said:
I am a father and my daughter’s mother is a great mom. Our incompatible through god and many other things was bound sooner or later to destroy us, which it did. But a friendship remains. During the time and after this I have truly accepted that I must be a father first and only concern my life with that purpose unless someone god planted right in front of me came along. However know one in my 32 years every came along that even really wanted to think about church or god. Maybe over two. So I’ve made it my best effort to stay single and focus on god and my daughter. I do yearn for that intimacy and connection but refrain now from sex and anything that leads me to a path of self destruction. I’ve found at the end of the day, when I get lonely , I can pray to god and he gives me comfort. Does anyone find it hard to find someone truly interested and willing to live gods path? Or find it hard to stay single by choice? Im coming more at peace with it. Although many days still come up with loneliness and regrets from my past.
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Howdy and welcome to the forum.

I see my life like a Linux nerd sees a computer - if it's working fine, why mess with it? Only upgrade it for a reason. And I don't have a reason. My life is running just fine.

Now this may change next week, or in twenty years. I may find a nice lady and we might eventually marry. I will probably be happy then too. But I'm not going to go out looking for her.

But yeah, it sure is peaceful in the meantime. :cool:
 
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What is this incompatiblity? Is it just you truly believe but she doesn't and just goes along with you to make you happy.

Or is it more that...
I think a lot of people who are in these unequal marriages think the whole Jesus thing is ridiculous or boring and it couldn't possibly be true, and the other person who believes it is a fool or complete idiot like we believe in Santa Claus or something.

This destroys all hope that someone could be faithful to you and to God right.
 
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I know a lot of christian women/wives who are married to athiest men/husbands, and they pray all the time for their husbands to be saved, but they aren't and nothing ever changes. So they resign themselves to staying with them and appreciate the roof over their head and maybe the allowance that the husband gives them..if they don't work or earn any money.

I don't really know what it's like when its the other way around. At any time the unbeliever can leave, but the believer must stay for as long as they can because salvation may happen at any point.
 
SearchingforSerenity said:
I am a father and my daughter’s mother is a great mom. Our incompatible through god and many other things was bound sooner or later to destroy us, which it did. But a friendship remains. During the time and after this I have truly accepted that I must be a father first and only concern my life with that purpose unless someone god planted right in front of me came along. However know one in my 32 years every came along that even really wanted to think about church or god. Maybe over two. So I’ve made it my best effort to stay single and focus on god and my daughter. I do yearn for that intimacy and connection but refrain now from sex and anything that leads me to a path of self destruction. I’ve found at the end of the day, when I get lonely , I can pray to god and he gives me comfort. Does anyone find it hard to find someone truly interested and willing to live gods path? Or find it hard to stay single by choice? Im coming more at peace with it. Although many days still come up with loneliness and regrets from my past.
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Don't ask me, I have been single for 12 years, and living alone for what seems like my whole life (40 years). I would marry out of desperation for companionship.
 
SearchingforSerenity said:
I am a father and my daughter’s mother is a great mom. Our incompatible through god and many other things was bound sooner or later to destroy us, which it did. But a friendship remains. During the time and after this I have truly accepted that I must be a father first and only concern my life with that purpose unless someone god planted right in front of me came along. However know one in my 32 years every came along that even really wanted to think about church or god. Maybe over two. So I’ve made it my best effort to stay single and focus on god and my daughter. I do yearn for that intimacy and connection but refrain now from sex and anything that leads me to a path of self destruction. I’ve found at the end of the day, when I get lonely , I can pray to god and he gives me comfort. Does anyone find it hard to find someone truly interested and willing to live gods path? Or find it hard to stay single by choice? Im coming more at peace with it. Although many days still come up with loneliness and regrets from my past.
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I understand how you feel. It's got to be tough in your situation. It's good that you want to do things God's way.
Perhaps there were problems in marriage that couldn't be reconciled. The main thing is that we all are reconciled to God through faith in His only begotten Son. John 3:16...18 KJV.

If you watched the video I posted to you yesterday, you probably know what that means.
The icing on the cake is that when both the husband and wife get saved, then start growing in the Word (John 17:17 KJV), God changes us. As each submits to the Lord and conform to His Word, they are transformed. The Bible provides resolution of conflicts when they do occur. It provides all of the answers for family and child rearing. The best thing for a child is to have both parents under the same roof who raise their children in the love and teachings of the Lord. It's good to know that He knows best and gives the truth all of the time.

If your ex wife has not remarried, there's a chance, if both of you get on the same page, for reconciliation once you both are completely reconciled to God.
I read your post and a verse popped into my mind for you. I opened my Bible not sure exactly where it was and the Lord himself brought my eyes immediately to the following.

"10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. "

I think He wants you both to consider this very seriously and the Video from yesterday.
This is the will of God for the lives of His children.

May He bless you all with much kindness and direction.
 
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I think this was for the childrens sake, that they be legitimate and not what the olden days they called bastards.

Marriage, even a secular one or one that breaks up, is important for children's sake. It is better to marry, have children and be a good parent then to not marry, have children and then completely abandon them.

So I understand that from that point of view. Adultery, on the other hand is grounds for divorce. I hope that did not happen to you, but it has happened to a lot of women/wives I know. It was the husband who was unfaithful, not the wife.

If it's just incompatiblity, and not unfaithfulness and she is not with someone new or had a love affair with someone else, then there is still hope right? You could get back together, at the moment things aren't working out but they could if you reconcile and work through your differences. She may come around. If she's moved out and seeing someone else, then no, but if she's just needs time away from you, for a bit that's different.
 
SearchingforSerenity said:
So fornication yes. Not adultry
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Ok so your children are illegitimate? How many children do you have? Any others you may not know about? I.e you fornicated but maybe the girl left and you have no idea if she fell pregnant or not.

That has happened to some girls as teens when they find out they are pregnant and have to have an abortion in secret or the baby and not tell the father, or if he is the father, they can't live together as they aren't married. Or couldn't afford to. Or something like that.
 
Sorry if I am being personal or nosy but trying to understand what's going on or the incompatiblity thing. Did you want to marry her and make an honest woman of her, or did you just leave her to raise the children on her own? Or did she kick you out the house if you were maybe renting a place together. Did you 'cheat' on her...?
 
And part of it is due to god wanting a marriage to be bonded through a common belief in Christ. Yes we had a child and it wasn’t done in the right manner. However a bigger mistake or worse outcome would be marrying someone that doesn’t really believe in god or want that. It would end up in divorce regardless probably, and ruin the child worse. I’ve looked at every outcome and co parenting as a strong friendship is best. It’s healthier
 
What no it’s nothing to do with having other kids else where. Or her running off. This is an incompatibility of belief in Christ. I can sense some sort of hatred toward men here or some sort of trauma .
 
It really is none of your business. And I wasn’t asking for advice on my past relationship. So end it here.
 
Don't worry I'm not judging you, we all do stupid things especially when we are young and don't know any better.
Well its traumatic when men fornicate with you (I mean women) no matter if you believe or not. Because if you do believe in Christ you wouldn't have fornicated? You would have married her.

I don't know if this was after or before your come to Jesus moment.
 
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