Is it appropriate for married people to have friends of the opposite sex?

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I agree with being friends with both but not lingering or overstepping your boundaries. Malby, you mentioned only stopping by or calling if you know your friend is there and not keeping his wife on the phone. Some people may take that the wrong way but it can be done tactfully. I'm not so sure what I think about platonic relationships staying purely platonic. That's a tough one for me since I don't really have guy friends and don't know what that's like. I seem to develop some silly crush more often than I'd like, haha. Maybe that's why I don't make a lot of guy friends.
 
I agree with the majority of this. The only part I disagree with is the part I have highlighted in red. I disagree with this because I don't think it is proper to meet with my male friend's spouse alone, whether publicly or privately. I think God made us to desire the opposite sex. I don't think it is good to tempt our God given desires. Much infidelity starts with seemingly innocent actions. Soon, something is confided in the 'friend' which is personal and emotional. That friend gives comfort in an innocent manner and is taken to the next level. "My wife/husband doesn't understand me." I think it is better to avoid these situations. I think avoidance provides for the most honor to the marriage.






MrMalby said:
Hiya there

I think its sensible to both value the friendship and the marriage.. honouring the marriage is helpful for both it stops gossip about both yourself and the married friend. Always meet in public places if you do meet them alone and keep the arrangements transparent to the spouse, be sensitive especially early in the marriage. , honour them as a couple and meet them as a couple that way you give no room for malicious gossip.

I have known a couple for over 25 years now, and am firm strong friends with both the man (who is my primary friend as it were) and the woman, but I always call at the house when I know my friend is in and if on occasion he is out, I say I will call back his wife knows me very well we are firm friends, and there is absolutely no offence taken on either side.

Maybe it is just me , but I don't really believe that a truly 'platonic' relationship can exist, at some point one will have an attraction to the other if they spend lots of time together. while both are single this is less of a problem, but when one (or both) are married it can lead to complications that are simply best avoided.

I see it not as cutting a friendship out of my life, but inviting in a new person, a couple whom I should treat with honour, as if they are one, I see it as gain.. not loss.

Malby
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I think we are fooling ourselves if we think we are more immune to affairs than others, we set ourselves up to sin through pride. I don't think it is a good idea to confide personal feelings in an opposite sex friend. I think we need to stay open and honest within our marriage with the one we've pledged to love, honor and cherish. Same sex friends, many times can help with small things, but as relationships go, there will usually be something that comes up that requires more attention. These issues need to be addressed within the marriage to promote growth and love. If we run into more than we can handle, I believe we need to consult some good Christian based counseling in order to receive proper instruction and reduce the risk of adultery to a minimum. I think I owe this to my marriage and to God since my promise in the marriage is not just to my spouse, but to Him also.
 
I think this is a good question. Why ? Because I have been
on both sides of the fence. I have a mate of 49 years. Soon
will celebrate 50 married years. Has it been easy where friendship
are concerned? No. I love my husband, but I have had to be
obedient to him from day one. He has been jealous type, and
I say, it is his protecting me. But is it ? Some say controlling.
Was it easy to have to ask permission to go to Bible study at
Church at night time ? In the beginning, no. It takes time to build
trust in a relationship. I am an extroverted person. I have no
problem talking to male or females. I often talk in waiting rooms
of Dr. office, or hospital, any place one has to sit and wait. I
have gotten myself in more trouble for talking to a man with my
husband sitting there, than not. I often forget. I know you are
probably laughing your head off about now, here is this old lady
telling you she has a jealous husband.....Well, it is what it is....
Now, back to the topic. I know it is easy to be attracted to the
opposite sex even on Christian sites. I have seen it and know
the people were married to someone else. I know at one point
I was attracted to someone, and I could feel it and knew this is
not right. So I had to just not make comments.
I had to give up friends when I was first married. I had to do it
for my husband. I was not Christian. But, even after I became a
Christian, I had to watch my actions around male brothers in Christ.
If I paid a compliment, my husband would say....that person did
not know you were doing it out of kindness. They may have another
thought in their mind. I suppose he was right. So the answer seems
to be it is up to each individual isn't it ? Thanks for letting me share.
 
nw2u said:
I agree with the majority of this. The only part I disagree with is the part I have highlighted in red. I disagree with this because I don't think it is proper to meet with my male friend's spouse alone, whether publicly or privately. I think God made us to desire the opposite sex. I don't think it is good to tempt our God given desires. Much infidelity starts with seemingly innocent actions. Soon, something is confided in the 'friend' which is personal and emotional. That friend gives comfort in an innocent manner and is taken to the next level. "My wife/husband doesn't understand me." I think it is better to avoid these situations. I think avoidance provides for the most honor to the marriage.










I think we are fooling ourselves if we think we are more immune to affairs than others, we set ourselves up to sin through pride. I don't think it is a good idea to confide personal feelings in an opposite sex friend. I think we need to stay open and honest within our marriage with the one we've pledged to love, honor and cherish. Same sex friends, many times can help with small things, but as relationships go, there will usually be something that comes up that requires more attention. These issues need to be addressed within the marriage to promote growth and love. If we run into more than we can handle, I believe we need to consult some good Christian based counseling in order to receive proper instruction and reduce the risk of adultery to a minimum. I think I owe this to my marriage and to God since my promise in the marriage is not just to my spouse, but to Him also.
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You are so right on. I like your response ... You owe it to your spouse
and also to God. God knows our every thought. When we begin to think
thoughts that go against His Word.... we need to pray that away or share
with a friend to have them pray with us until that temptation passes.

 
It's different for every couple, you should respect your spouse's/ significant other's feelings. My husband and I have an understanding, we both have friends of the opposite sex but have understood boundaries. Most of our friends are mutual, and we've never really had any problems.
 
Good question! All I can say is that it depends on the couple and the state of the marriage. This is not something that can be answered generally.
 
I don't know about you guys, but I'm not attracted to each and every female I see. It's seems some are. Platonic relationships between friends of the opposite sex are very possible.
 
I think it depends of if you can have friends of the opposite sex without thinking about having sex with them.

If you don't have that kind of self control. then you don't really have any platonic opposite sex friendships.

If there is a history of one or the other person committing adultery, then having friends of the opposite sex would be a bad idea.

however if both people are faithful and know how to have relationships with others as if they are family, then the thought of committing adultery would be replusive, especially with someone you consider your brother or sister in Christ.

I don't think you should complain about your marriage to anyone. I think you should work out your problems with your spouse and pray to God about them.

Don't speak in anger or bitterness. you will regret it later.
 
Well, I really think the correct answer on this depends on the circumstance. If the relationship in question has an insecure spouse, it may be necessary to cut a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It does seem unfair, but if the person in the relationship didn't know that their husband/wife felt strongly about this, (to have a friendship with someone of opposite sex) before they got married, then really it's the person's fault for not getting to know their spouse better. These are things that I feel need to be discussed and covered before getting married, because the fact is, everyone is different and there isn't a set rule for this.
Now, there is another option for the people who are already married and are dealing with this type of problem. If the husband/wife will try it, maybe you can hang out with that friend of the opposite sex together. It would make the other feel more secure and you get to keep your friend. I don't see anything wrong with that; this coming from the person whose friend-base consists of mainly men.
Despite what others may say, I do believe it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex without a sexual attraction. Some may believe differently, but that is why you customize your relationship to fit your needs so you feel comfortable. As long as we are honest with our partners and let them know what is okay and what isn't, things should be fine. One thing we shouldn't do is allow something to happen when it bothers us, and then expect them to quit suddenly.
 
Tintin said:
I don't know about you guys, but I'm not attracted to each and every female I see. It's seems some are. Platonic relationships between friends of the opposite sex are very possible.
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^^ Exactly my thought. Which is why the notion of "men and women cannot be alone without thinking about sex" is Greek to me.
 
It happens that when people get married, friends change. Even if people DON'T get married, friends change, but marriage is a relationship-changing event. You may be left out of a friend's life because they get married. It happens.

That said, my wife and I have become one flesh. Though there is no strict formula, but I find myself handing my relationships with all women, married and single, to my wife. I introduce them and step back awhile. When they get along with my wife, they stay close to us and those relationships remain important to the family. Almost everyone "hits it off" with my wife and most of my relationships (male and female) are intact. I imagine that any one who did not hit it off with my wife would find themselves more distant from me.
 
Last time I was married and my wife had a male friends she cheated on me, so it's not exactly something I would be ok with. I don't think that's completely irrational either. Everything you would ever want to get from a friend of the opposite sex you should be getting from your husband or wife.
 
zaoman32 said:
Last time I was married and my wife had a male friends she cheated on me, so it's not exactly something I would be ok with. I don't think that's completely irrational either. Everything you would ever want to get from a friend of the opposite sex you should be getting from your husband or wife.
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Sadly mate, it's rarely that women will understand this, or at least feel it ties in with the whole 'I'm allowed to be as free a woman as I like, and if it means I want something, even if it hurts you, I'm allowed it, cause society says so'.

That's the real issue. Boundaries. And a lot of women these days just don't have them.
 
Dude I'm 22 and I've already been cheated on five times by four different women, and left for 'the single life' by another. So I know somewhat what being betrayed feels like.

I questioned myself all the time. 'Wasn't I good enough?' 'What didn't I give her?'

Truth is, it's nothing to do with me, and all to do with their views on what's a fair relationship. Almost every woman I meet has this preconception that if she's not 'fulfilled' with whatever material desire she craves, that it's ok for her, as a woman, to jump ship and go in search of whatever it is she's got a desire for, and usually they come back a while later and say 'I was wrong for treating you so bad'. BUt still, it's hard to find a woman that isn't fickle.

That's no offense to anyone in the forums, women here seem to be a lot more loyal than most of the girls I've met.
 
Just saying, I've never cheated on a woman with one of her friends or with anyone but I've had it happen to me. So yea, it can be a little bit of a temptation, for some women. Not all.

But I'd say, make sure you know what her views on the whole liberal, modern society are before you marry her.
 
It seems to me to be a misconception that "cheating" is a sexual phenomenon. Cheating is primarily an emotional phenomenon. When a person meets the emotional needs of someone else's spouse, cheating has occurred in that the spouse has been displaced from his/her proper place. Sexual temptation follows.
 
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