Is it ok to use corporal punishment on your kids

[Lanolin]

I have never seen any child act out over a candy bar...but I have seen adults shoplifting toys and much worse behaviour...and I wonder who is going to beat THEM up. The police usually dont do anything only if they are caught will they go to jail.

 

[Lanolin]

regarding supermarkets, its best to do shopping without the children ...send the hubby to do it or get him to stay at home and watch them. Most Children see shopping as a drag especially if they dont have any money to spend. You can also get deliveries. Parents need to work as a team. Obviously in many instances its not happening with so many separated parents today who have to juggle everything alone. You dont see children turn up at their parents work, yet so why do so many take their children shopping where they get in the way of everyone?

 

[SoulWeaver]

That is so sad... It reminds me of how luck i am to have had my parents cos i can't complain with their use of corporal punishment...

I never got disciplined like that when i was a teenager, it stopped after i was about 10yo

That is NOT disciplining, and that's what I believe others are I are trying to tell you.

Justified occasions for a parent to physically strike a child are very very rare, a little smack on the butt when the child is small may be fitting, at the age when you can't explain a "no" to them or "why", it has the function of a DETERRENT and WARNING. Punishment as a concept denotes vengeance of some kind, which is wrong in itself when executed by man. You don't want to "punish", but deterring your child from something bad by corporeal measures is acceptable when you don't have a better alternative.

Another possible occasion might be RESETING A BOUNDARY, not punishment. If a child severely disrespected a parent, one slap is sufficient there and being symbolic not about force, a beating will make no difference, because it's about child's disrespect, and using force will NOT regain that parent any respect, because it communicates not resourcefulness or authority, but rather powerlessness.

There are better ways to teach a child cause and consequence. Here's an example where behavior warranted disciplining and beatings didn't work.

My brother was breaking or warping his prescription glasses constantly as a child. Or "losing" them because he didn't like wearing them, he would throw them somewhere and pretend he lost them. My parents beat him, because they weren't cheap and he was constantly and deliberately doing it. He was too much of a scoundrel, so he couldn't use contact lenses. He was allowed to choose model himself, it was never the most expensive, but it wasn't the ugly cheap either. He has a big visual impairment and has to wear them.

I believe it would have been a lot better, since he was old enough to understand, to say, okay, we spent money on this now repeatedly, so that emptied the funds. How are you going to make this right? Then let the child suggest on their own, per example, to pass on something nice that had been planned to be purchased for them. So he would maybe rethink the impact of their behavior, and also promise him to get that planned something for them at a later date if they behave. But make it a clear lesson that when you hit the house budget, there are consequences.

Asking for accountability, rather than punishment. One thing that frustrated me the most about my abusive mother, is that she always just beat me and was forever displeased, never allowed me to try to make things right and solve the problem when she was displeased. Because it was never about making things right, she just wanted to run a lose-lose game and perpetual problem to keep being pissed off. Per example, she would always complain I didn't help enough in the house, but whenever I offered to help or asked if she needed help, she would refuse and say I'm not good at anything.

My point being: beatings teach no lesson in accountability that you want to produce; even though my brother understood that the glasses were expensive and we were not rich to easily afford it, beating him only taught him that if he does what he wants with the glasses he will pay in beatings as in currency, and he accepted that. He obviously preferred paying that price! Even though my dad beat us to blood when he got mad.

 

[soggykitten]

Ye of course thats standard. Im talking about the odd occasion when that doesn't work... Tough love
Some kids are wild... Those ones in the supermarket for example, ain't no love going to fix that...

 

[PC123]

You clearly missed my point. My point was that the child lacked Any discipline, even non physical. You kept saying that child needed physical discipline and he would automatically stop. So in essence you're arguing with me on the point we both agree on, but not acknowledging my Actual point.

Love is Part of proper discipline. The foundation of raising a child is love, support and security. Discipline is rounding off the rough edges that inevitably pop up. If you don't have the first three then you have no foundation for discipline, you just having punishment like a master and a slave.

Discipline isn't about teaching a child to obey because you said so. It's about instilling in them an understanding of their actions and why they are wrong so that Within Themselves they lose the desire.
It's also about the teaching of consequences. The focus should be on the child, not the parent.
And we see this all the time, especially in Christian households where discipline isn't about growth and training a child to understand so they Want to obey, but "doing what you're told".
Then when there's nobody standing over them when they grow up they have no discipline, so they do whatever they want. Because discipline didn't grow within them internally, it was force fed to them externally.

Prison is a prime example. Prison is ineffective because it's forcing external change, and that doesn't take hold. It's not until something changes on the inside that inmates begin to truly regret their actions and change.

Sounds all good on paper... You didn't provide any solution to the other two examples i gave, 3 total examples and here is a 4th...

If your trying to say that all children are the same, sweet angels than you are misguided
If your trying to say that some kids will not test the boundaries then you are also misguided
Some kids will always test boundaries. Let them bounce on the couch and they'll keep doing it

As for prison, your right but that doesn't mean that criminals shouldn't be punished. Its a poor comparison.
In fact i could flip it and say that locking a kid up in a room can cause the same psychological torment as prison

Now... If you can't provide any solutions to the 4 examples i gave on kids testing boundaries then your theory fails in practice

 

[PC123]

That is NOT disciplining, and that's what I believe others are I are trying to tell you.

Justified occasions for a parent to physically strike a child are very very rare, a little smack on the butt when the child is small may be fitting, at the age when you can't explain a "no" to them or "why", it has the function of a DETERRENT and WARNING. Punishment as a concept denotes vengeance of some kind, which is wrong in itself when executed by man. You don't want to "punish", but deterring your child from something bad by corporeal measures is acceptable when you don't have a better alternative.

Another possible occasion might be RESETING A BOUNDARY, not punishment. If a child severely disrespected a parent, one slap is sufficient there and being symbolic not about force, a beating will make no difference, because it's about child's disrespect, and using force will NOT regain that parent any respect, because it communicates not resourcefulness or authority, but rather powerlessness.

There are better ways to teach a child cause and consequence. Here's an example where behavior warranted disciplining and beatings didn't work.

My brother was breaking or warping his prescription glasses constantly as a child. Or "losing" them because he didn't like wearing them, he would throw them somewhere and pretend he lost them. My parents beat him, because they weren't cheap and he was constantly and deliberately doing it. He was too much of a scoundrel, so he couldn't use contact lenses. He was allowed to choose model himself, it was never the most expensive, but it wasn't the ugly cheap either. He has a big visual impairment and has to wear them.

I believe it would have been a lot better, since he was old enough to understand, to say, okay, we spent money on this now repeatedly, so that emptied the funds. How are you going to make this right? Then let the child suggest on their own, per example, to pass on something nice that had been planned to be purchased for them. So he would maybe rethink the impact of their behavior, and also promise him to get that planned something for them at a later date if they behave. But make it a clear lesson that when you hit the house budget, there are consequences.

Asking for accountability, rather than punishment. One thing that frustrated me the most about my abusive mother, is that she always just beat me and was forever displeased, never allowed me to try to make things right and solve the problem when she was displeased. Because it was never about making things right, she just wanted to run a lose-lose game and perpetual problem to keep being pissed off. Per example, she would always complain I didn't help enough in the house, but whenever I offered to help or asked if she needed help, she would refuse and say I'm not good at anything.

My point being: beatings teach no lesson in accountability that you want to produce; even though my brother understood that the glasses were expensive and we were not rich to easily afford it, beating him only taught him that if he does what he wants with the glasses he will pay in beatings as in currency, and he accepted that. He obviously preferred paying that price! Even though my dad beat us to blood when he got mad.

Ye i never said to constantly beat up on yo kids... I CLEARLY said it is to be used on the rarest of occasions...

Is it disciplining... That is an interesting question... For that a child needs to be at an age where they can reason. I think u kind of said the same thing... So u can't reason with a child, does that mean you can't discipline them??? Im not sure... I suppose you are using fear as deterrent until they are able to understand why u can't run onto the road, disrespect your mother or bounce on the couch.
Many people are afraid of going to prison, that's why they refrain from committing a crime

So... Just to reiterate... Im not condoning child abuse.
Corporal punishment is to be used on very rare occasions on small children that haven't reached an age of reasoning...

I quoted bible verses to support this but on the other hand i am reminded of this one...

If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea

So one must be careful not to abuse children

 

[Billyd]

Depends on the child. No amount of physical punishment would change my oldest son's behavior, but withholding dessert always got the message across. Sending my daughter to her room for 30 minutes always worked. It took a belt on the backside to get my other sons attention.

Never punish children when you are angry.

 

[mar09]

That is NOT disciplining, and that's what I believe others are I are trying to tell you.

Justified occasions for a parent to physically strike a child are very very rare, a little smack on the butt when the child is small may be fitting, at the age when you can't explain a "no" to them or "why", it has the function of a DETERRENT and WARNING. Punishment as a concept denotes vengeance of some kind, which is wrong in itself when executed by man. You don't want to "punish", but deterring your child from something bad by corporeal measures is acceptable when you don't have a better alternative.

Another possible occasion might be RESETING A BOUNDARY, not punishment. If a child severely disrespected a parent, one slap is sufficient there and being symbolic not about force, a beating will make no difference, because it's about child's disrespect, and using force will NOT regain that parent any respect, because it communicates not resourcefulness or authority, but rather powerlessness.

There are better ways to teach a child cause and consequence. Here's an example where behavior warranted disciplining and beatings didn't work.

My brother was breaking or warping his prescription glasses constantly as a child. Or "losing" them because he didn't like wearing them, he would throw them somewhere and pretend he lost them. My parents beat him, because they weren't cheap and he was constantly and deliberately doing it. He was too much of a scoundrel, so he couldn't use contact lenses. He was allowed to choose model himself, it was never the most expensive, but it wasn't the ugly cheap either. He has a big visual impairment and has to wear them.

I believe it would have been a lot better, since he was old enough to understand, to say, okay, we spent money on this now repeatedly, so that emptied the funds. How are you going to make this right? Then let the child suggest on their own, per example, to pass on something nice that had been planned to be purchased for them. So he would maybe rethink the impact of their behavior, and also promise him to get that planned something for them at a later date if they behave. But make it a clear lesson that when you hit the house budget, there are consequences.

Asking for accountability, rather than punishment. One thing that frustrated me the most about my abusive mother, is that she always just beat me and was forever displeased, never allowed me to try to make things right and solve the problem when she was displeased. Because it was never about making things right, she just wanted to run a lose-lose game and perpetual problem to keep being pissed off. Per example, she would always complain I didn't help enough in the house, but whenever I offered to help or asked if she needed help, she would refuse and say I'm not good at anything.

My point being: beatings teach no lesson in accountability that you want to produce; even though my brother understood that the glasses were expensive and we were not rich to easily afford it, beating him only taught him that if he does what he wants with the glasses he will pay in beatings as in currency, and he accepted that. He obviously preferred paying that price! Even though my dad beat us to blood when he got mad.

I'm sorry to hear what you and brother went thru. Thank you also for sharing how it was, and ideas for the younger parents, with many simply wanting to dismiss spanking for unpleasant experiences with it. In our experience, we spanked some when the children were smaller, but came to the point where you know you could talk w/ them and no need for hurting.. neither hurtful words, wc often come when the parents are angry.

 

[CassieKFamily]

i think it is, if done with love care and fairness, not overdoing it, i believe the bible does encourage parents to do so within reason. maybe im alone in this modern age, i dont know

 

[mar09]

i think it is, if done with love care and fairness, not overdoing it, i believe the bible does encourage parents to do so within reason. maybe im alone in this modern age, i dont know

I'm sure ur not alone, cassie.

 

[Lanolin]

what kind of beating are we talking about here

a strap or a cane? whip? belt?

in school they used to call it six of the best. If it was done for genuine reasons it may have been appropriate but so often children remembered teachers would do it for arbitary reasons when they werent at fault.

with parents its unregulated so if a parent was just angry or drunk and decided to take it out on their child they would do it and I guess thats why the law against smacking came into effect, as it often crossed the line into abuse.