Is jealousy a valid emotion in a Christian dating relationship, or am I just feeling insecure?

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YunisPavale

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I’ve been talking with someone for almost nine months now. We both desire to get married one day, Lord willing. But recently, I randomly checked the profile of the girl he used to have a crush on and noticed that he liked some of her travel photos. So, I confronted him and asked, “Why do you keep liking her pictures?” He said it was just travel photos and that he didn’t think it was a big deal He got a bit mad at me. He also said it would be different if he had messaged her or talked to her behind my back. I asked him to unfollow that girl on Instagram, and he immediately did so.

I felt bad about what I did, I admitted that I was wrong.
 
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YunisPavale said:
I’ve been talking with someone for almost nine months now. We both desire to get married one day, Lord willing. But recently, I randomly checked the profile of the girl he used to have a crush on and noticed that he liked some of her travel photos. So, I confronted him and asked, “Why do you keep liking her pictures?” He said it was just travel photos and that he didn’t think it was a big deal He got a bit mad at me. He also said it would be different if he had messaged her or talked to her behind my back. I asked him to unfollow that girl on Instagram, and he immediately did so.

I felt bad about what I did, I admitted that I was wrong.
Click to expand...

Jealousy is never good. Communication is the way to go.
 
YunisPavale said:
I’ve been talking with someone for almost nine months now. We both desire to get married one day, Lord willing. But recently, I randomly checked the profile of the girl he used to have a crush on and noticed that he liked some of her travel photos. So, I confronted him and asked, “Why do you keep liking her pictures?” He said it was just travel photos and that he didn’t think it was a big deal He got a bit mad at me. He also said it would be different if he had messaged her or talked to her behind my back. I asked him to unfollow that girl on Instagram, and he immediately did so.

I felt bad about what I did, I admitted that I was wrong.
Click to expand...

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Greek has 3 words for love. English has one. The "not jealous" love is the kind that God has. God gives His love to us so that we can love as He does. Natural love can be jealous and possessive. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

It's good that you can admit that you are wrong. Men also need to have some wisdom and sensitivity. He seems to lack that.
 
Gideon300 said:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Greek has 3 words for love. English has one. The "not jealous" love is the kind that God has. God gives His love to us so that we can love as He does. Natural love can be jealous and possessive. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

It's good that you can admit that you are wrong. Men also need to have some wisdom and sensitivity. He seems to lack that.
Click to expand...
Oh you making me cry :cry: I should not be jealous.
I know I should bring my struggle to God in prayer rather than confronting him about it.
 
YunisPavale said:
I’ve been talking with someone for almost nine months now. We both desire to get married one day, Lord willing. But recently, I randomly checked the profile of the girl he used to have a crush on and noticed that he liked some of her travel photos. So, I confronted him and asked, “Why do you keep liking her pictures?” He said it was just travel photos and that he didn’t think it was a big deal He got a bit mad at me. He also said it would be different if he had messaged her or talked to her behind my back. I asked him to unfollow that girl on Instagram, and he immediately did so.

I felt bad about what I did, I admitted that I was wrong.
Click to expand...

Jealousy is a side effect emotion. There could be some underlying problems or you could just being diligent in your investment lol. A lifelong investment lol. I don't see the problem in wanting to know that this man is going to be true to you and only you.

Because why like an ex photo of all people? Most people would feel odd towards that.

To me at age 34 moving out of the young adult years it sounds strange for him to get mad about that but then again like any marriage you both will have to learn what each of you is comfortable with and as long as it isn't sin, try to find agreement in helping each other feel secure.

Is jealousy a sin? Not in itself. It is an emotion just as anger. It all depends on what you do with it. Sometimes it is inner discernment or it could be from past trauma. As if you have ever been cheated on, you will immediately be reminded of the pain.

There is a balance, no you don't want to be all controlling but you also don't want to be naive.

I personally as a guy would never like photos of other women especially an ex in the setting of travel, beach, fitness, etc.

Now educational like cooking or how-to videos okay unless it is an obvious thirst trap then nooo.

So in conclusion, I just say your feelings are valid but be careful of how you apply them. He did right to unfollow her. And good for you to call that out.
 
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Gideon300 said:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Greek has 3 words for love. English has one. The "not jealous" love is the kind that God has. God gives His love to us so that we can love as He does. Natural love can be jealous and possessive. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

It's good that you can admit that you are wrong. Men also need to have some wisdom and sensitivity. He seems to lack that.
Click to expand...


Exodus 34:14
New International Version
14 Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
 
Gideon300 said:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Greek has 3 words for love. English has one. The "not jealous" love is the kind that God has. God gives His love to us so that we can love as He does. Natural love can be jealous and possessive. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

It's good that you can admit that you are wrong. Men also need to have some wisdom and sensitivity. He seems to lack that.
Click to expand...

Also the same greek word for jealous used in a positive sense. To eagerly desire.

1 Corinthians 12:31
Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. And yet I will show you the most excellent way.
 
God's love is indeed jealous, but one must look at the meaning of the word. His divine jealousy is distinct from flawed human jealousy; it stems from a covenantal relationship and a desire for a person's ultimate well-being. It is a zealous love that protects against things—like other gods, idols, or distractions—that would ultimately be harmful or detrimental. God's jealousy is a call for a person's whole heart, soul, and mind, demanding a unique and undivided devotion, like a loving husband or father who wants the best for his beloved and does not want them to be harmed by false relationships or idols. The desire for exclusive devotion is not for God's own gain but for humanity's ultimate good, as God knows that turning to other things can lead to destruction.
 
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Roughsoul1991 said:
Jealousy is a side effect emotion. There could be some underlying problems or you could just being diligent in your investment lol. A lifelong investment lol. I don't see the problem in wanting to know that this man is going to be true to you and only you.

Because why like an ex photo of all people? Most people would feel odd towards that.

To me at age 34 moving out of the young adult years it sounds strange for him to get mad about that but then again like any marriage you both will have to learn what each of you is comfortable with and as long as it isn't sin, try to find agreement in helping each other feel secure.

Is jealousy a sin? Not in itself. It is an emotion just as anger. It all depends on what you do with it. Sometimes it is inner discernment or it could be from past trauma. As if you have ever been cheated on, you will immediately be reminded of the pain.

There is a balance, no you don't want to be all controlling but you also don't want to be naive.

I personally as a guy would never like photos of other women especially an ex in the setting of travel, beach, fitness, etc.

Now educational like cooking or how-to videos okay unless it is an obvious thirst trap then nooo.

So in conclusion, I just say your feelings are valid but be careful of how you apply them. He did right to unfollow her. And good for you to call that out.
Click to expand...
Roughsoul1991 said:
Jealousy is a side effect emotion. There could be some underlying problems or you could just being diligent in your investment lol. A lifelong investment lol. I don't see the problem in wanting to know that this man is going to be true to you and only you.

Because why like an ex photo of all people? Most people would feel odd towards that.

To me at age 34 moving out of the young adult years it sounds strange for him to get mad about that but then again like any marriage you both will have to learn what each of you is comfortable with and as long as it isn't sin, try to find agreement in helping each other feel secure.

Is jealousy a sin? Not in itself. It is an emotion just as anger. It all depends on what you do with it. Sometimes it is inner discernment or it could be from past trauma. As if you have ever been cheated on, you will immediately be reminded of the pain.

There is a balance, no you don't want to be all controlling but you also don't want to be naive.

I personally as a guy would never like photos of other women especially an ex in the setting of travel, beach, fitness, etc.

Now educational like cooking or how-to videos okay unless it is an obvious thirst trap then nooo.

So in conclusion, I just say your feelings are valid but be careful of how you apply them. He did right to unfollow her. And good for you to call that out.
Click to expand...
The woman used to be his crush. I set an agreement for him to unfollow or unfriend any women connected to him in the past on all social media accounts, and he agreed. Now, I’m checking his Facebook account to see if that woman is still on his friends list. Maybe I should wait for three days him do it.. what do you think?
 
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YunisPavale said:
The woman used to be his crush. I set an agreement for him to unfollow or unfriend any women connected to him in the past on all social media accounts, and he agreed. Now, I’m checking his Facebook account to see if that woman is still on his friends list. Maybe I should wait for three days him do it.. what do you think?
Click to expand...

Unless you feel you can't trust him then otherwise I would just trust he has done the right thing.

If trust is broken after establishing boundaries then that is a whole other problem.
.
Trust is a must have for success. If you can't trust him then you will never be at peace. If he feels that no matter what he does, that his life is always being investigated then he may also see that as a red flag.

So this is a good way to test the waters of trust. Love is patient, kind, and holds no records of wrongs.

Meaning once an incident, argument, or wrong has been communicated, or worked out then we forgive and move forward.

Not to forgive and forget as discernment is still important but to forgive and not hold something against each other after addressing it.
 
more needs to be explained. that certainly is a common "girl move". women are constantly aware of the "cheating possibilities". what right did you have to ask him that? different if he talked to the lady behind your back? why? can't a guy talk to a girl without another girl being jealous? if they were talking about reuniting while he was steady with you then that's a concern. there was 2 couples dining with my wife & i last saturday & i could tell easily that 1 of the other girls was intently listening to the other girl talk to her husband to discern signs of the girl giving him sign to match up! women should never act on a situation unless they totally know with proof that their b.f. or husband has done something wrong. you should feel bad because you have no proof anything was done wrong. jealousy is not a valid emotion. it certainly doesn't come from God. there's nothing valid about negative sinful characteristics. it is human to be jealous quickly, without thought, vengefully & with determination. Christians will recognize this behavior quickly when realization moves in & cast it out in the name of Jesus.
 
YunisPavale said:
The woman used to be his crush. I set an agreement for him to unfollow or unfriend any women connected to him in the past on all social media accounts, and he agreed. Now, I’m checking his Facebook account to see if that woman is still on his friends list. Maybe I should wait for three days him do it.. what do you think?
Click to expand...

If you are both committed to marrying each other, there are valid expectations.
If this lady were in his past then he should no longer be in an ongoing friendship with her as he could be tempted to a romantic one. Past is past and exclusivity is the proper norm with marriage.
Women do this too.
" Oh we've been friends longer than you and I have" is not a reasonable excuse. He should not be nagged, but calmly talked to about it IF this is the case. I'm not saying that he is doing this. It's a personal red flag I've experienced a long time ago..

Although understandable and normal, I wouldn't overreact. Being emotional at times like these is more likely to cause distance rather than to bring about a reconciliation of the problem.
Someone already pointed out that communication is the key.
So is spiritual growth.
You both need a GOOD church where you can grow together in peace with each other and with God. This is important because God knows best and is most important. He can bring joy in relationships when we are close to Him and obey His Words.
 
YunisPavale said:
Oh you making me cry :cry: I should not be jealous.
I know I should bring my struggle to God in prayer rather than confronting him about it.
Click to expand...
Hey, don't be too hard on yourself.

We are all human. What we need is love that is not jealous. Jesus is all that we should be but cannot be. God brings our faults to our attention, not to condemn us but so that we can quit trying to be what we cannot be. However, if we ask Jesus to live in place of us, to be our love, our wisdom, our patience or whatever else we lack, we will live victorious lives.

Paul struggled with this dilemma. He knew what to do, but he was unable to do it (Romans 7). He found the The answer in Christ.

God has is not like a doctor, prescribing a dose of patience, an injection of joy or a peace pill. He gives us Jesus to be all that we need to be but cannot be. As we learn to trust Jesus, which takes time, we will depend less and less on ourselves and more and more on Him.

The one person that God won't help is the one who refuses to believe that they cannot fix themselves. When we run out of our own strength, we turn to God for help. The sooner we accept our helplessness, the sooner Jesus will come to our rescue.
 
YunisPavale said:
I’ve been talking with someone for almost nine months now. We both desire to get married one day, Lord willing. But recently, I randomly checked the profile of the girl he used to have a crush on and noticed that he liked some of her travel photos. So, I confronted him and asked, “Why do you keep liking her pictures?” He said it was just travel photos and that he didn’t think it was a big deal He got a bit mad at me. He also said it would be different if he had messaged her or talked to her behind my back. I asked him to unfollow that girl on Instagram, and he immediately did so.

I felt bad about what I did, I admitted that I was wrong.
Click to expand...

Jealousy can be valid.... After all we have a "jealous God" when his people follow other gods. The same goes if a husband is jealous when his wife has an affair. That is valid.

Technology makes things tricky. There's a lot of jealousy... For mostly fake pictures of someone's fake life. The rules of dating and social media is also tricky.

In this case I would say both you and your BF were correct. I would be annoyed if my husband did this when we were dating or now. But I can also see how a guy wouldn't think it's a big deal. Obviously he didn't think it was a big deal bc he deleted her when you said to.

I would just move on and let it go. Don't mention about being insecure or whatever to him bc most girls would be annoyed by that. And you don't need to give yourself that identity for something so small.
 
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